“I’m gonna lose it anyway. This way, someone can enjoy it. I can always grow more after the treatments. Please Mom, let me do this.” I still see the earnest look on her face.
“I cried with her while the stylist carefully removed her beautiful locks. Even the stylist had tears in her eyes, she had to stop once just to retain composure. She kept one single lock as a reminder of what it would grow back into.”
She paused, overcome for just a second.
“I have to be honest with you. Even with her improvements and remissions, she only has a thirty per cent chance of beating her disease.”
“But we hope, and we pray. Her attitude has improved tremendously since she met you. When you didn’t come around for awhile she moped. Finding out you were back had her bubbling. I could see the difference.”
“I need a favor. I want you to spend a little time with her alone when you can. But I need to caution you, she has a huge crush on you. Please don’t hurt her.”
“Will you help me?”
Well, talk about dumping a load of responsibility on a kid. But I knew I was going to do it.
I talked it over with Gram, and she encouraged me while cautioning me at the same time. She knew I was still emotionally fragile. Oddly, Dad seemed to think it was a good idea.
So, The Courtship Of Kara began.
…………………..
We started hanging out on Thursdays. Gram would drive me to her house, twenty miles away, and drop me off for three hours. I never knew what she did while she waited for me. We would do what kids did. Played video games, watched TV, talked about everything. I was fourteen by then, and she was just past twelve. She probably knew more about sex than I did. Girls always seemed to be ahead of guys in these areas.
Not that we did anything remotely sexual. We were still kids. Plus, her Mom was always close. Looking back, I think she was more worried about Kara starting something than me.
She did insist on snuggling with me on the couch while we watched TV. I was uncomfortable at first, but soon it just felt natural. She also insisted I kiss her when I left. A quick peck, closed mouth. I was worried about her Mom, but she thought it was cute. She even managed to get a picture of us kissing once. Kara had it blown up to an eight by ten and displayed it on her dresser. The friends she had that still came over seemed in awe that she had caught an ‘older’ guy. Especially a musician who could write personal love songs.
I got a copy, wallet size. I still have it.
It was a confusing time for me. We were at the age when we first started taking a look at the opposite sex.
I was considered cute and attracted some attention from the girls. When one of them wanted to get closer and made overtures, I told her I had a girlfriend. When she asked who she was I told her she didn’t go to our school. She didn’t take rejection well, and had a big brother she complained to.
Kara didn’t like to go out, but with my grandmother and her moms’ help, I kind of forced her to. They thought it was good for her self esteem. And despite the loss of hair, she was very pretty.
We went to movies because we both liked them and no one seemed to notice her. She would get anxious once we were out in the open, and I would hold her hand. Slowly she started to relax, especially if we had one or two of her friends around us. One afternoon we were at an ice cream shop eating frozen yogurt, one of the few snacks she could have, when the girl I had rejected saw us.
The next Monday her brother ran his mouth, saying I would rather be with bald headed sickos than a real girl. I surprised everyone including myself when I tried my best to beat the shit out of him. My attack surprised him, and I had him down on the ground thumping on him pretty good before they pulled me off of him. I was still enraged, and while they held me I was screaming that if I ever heard him say another word about my girlfriend I would rip his tongue out and shove it up his ass. He must have believed me because I never heard him say another word about me or Kara. I never told Kara, but she found out somehow. The fact that I defended her got me a lot of points.
We went on like this for about four months when she suddenly took a turn for the worst. The cancer was back and more aggressive. She went in and out of the hospital for awhile. The last time she went in she never came home.
Of course I was devastated. Even though I knew it would probably happen I had the optimism of youth and thought it wouldn’t. I spent every possible moment with her. The hospital staff were well used to me by now and mothered me, trying to ease my pain.
As time grew short we talked about everything, including regrets. One night, while the drugs were making her drowsy, she told me her biggest.
“I was gonna beat this, honey, and marry you. We were going to have beautiful babies with voices like angels, and we were going to live happily ever after.”
I thought about this for a long time while she slept and I held her hand.
The next day I had a series of long talks with a lot of adults. Her Mom. My favorite nurse. My Dad, my Gram. Her doctor. And a Catholic priest, one of the clergy on call. They were all very surprised, but I think my earnest manner and obvious pain worked in my favor. They all agreed eventually, though the priest had to talk it over with his bishop, who gave him permission on the condition he could be a witness.
My Gram went with me to the jewelers. I picked out a sweetheart ring with a small stone for her, and a plain ‘friendship’ band for me.
Everyone who was in on it was at the singalong the next Saturday. After we were done, I asked everyone to stay for just a bit more, I had something I wanted to say.
Walking over to Kara, I gave the little speech I had prepared.
“You all know by now that Kara is my girlfriend, and has been for awhile. You also know why she is here. We may be running out of time so there are some things I need to say.”
I dropped to my knees in front of her wheelchair.
“Kara, I love you. Will you marry me?”
There was total silence, even from the ones who knew what was going to happen, while I presented her with the ring.
She was holding her hands to her mouth, looking around in panic. Her Mom saved me.
“Answer him, honey. It’s not polite to keep the man who loves you waiting, it makes him think you don’t want to.”
She finally gave a strangled noise that sounded like a yes, and let me slip the ring on. And she kissed me.
Not a chaste peck, but a full grown adult kiss. It set a pretty high standard for the rest of my life.
Suddenly everyone was crying, even the smaller children who didn’t know what was going on.
Between Gram, her Mom, and the nurses, the wedding was planned for two weeks. Dad came forward and payed for everything, saying he wanted it done right, from the dresses to the reception.