Timothy ended up on the floor with his head resting against Odette’s stomach. I offered to take the bottom spot. Timothy accepted the gesture then pointed out I was the guy with the bum leg. I ended up with Odette’s feet in my lap. The flavor of the night was Cherry Vanilla and we were all making inroads into the supply quickly.
Timothy dialed up Ninja Assassin on Netflix. Ten minutes in I realized why. There was this Asian actor who was really hot and extremely physically fit. Odette agreed.
“You two can’t believe any of this is real,” Buffy commented shortly after. “This is absurd. Nothing and no one kills like that.” She had professional pride after all.
It hadn’t taken me three days to figure out that the Executive Service babes’ main purpose in life was not laundry delivery. They went everywhere and saw everything – just like a secret police force. Odd, huh?
“Speaking of absurd and unreal,” Timothy snickered.
“Cael, two ladies screaming Extreme High Maintenance showed up this morning. Apparently you weren’t answering your phone, work said you were out of the office, and some spooky chicks at Havenstone showed them the door with something akin to a threat of lethal violence,” he continued. “From long experience as your roommate, I could tell you’d fucked them to Nirvana and they wanted more.”
“From long experience’?” Buffy wondered. “You haven’t known him two months yet.”
“Lady, this happens at least once a week with this guy. You are playing with the hair of one of those women right now,” Timothy told her.
“Yeah,” Odette sighed happily.
I was still wrapping my mind around the fact that Buffy hadn’t threatened me with violence in the past four hours. Not even a glower.
“So, what did you tell them?” I asked my bud.
“I looked terribly put out then informed them you’d decided to become a Dominican and gone to a monastery in Italy to train,” Timothy smirked.
“What did you really say?” I thumped his head with my spoon. Before any goes ‘eww, don’t eat with that’, I would remind you how pervasive hair is in a bachelor pad. Vacuum and you’ll find out.
“I told them you work in Looney Tunes Central – which they bought surprisingly easily – and that you would give them a call the moment your destiny was returned to you,” Timothy said.
I was willing to bet he used those exact words too.
“What has Cael told you about Havenstone?” Buffy prodded.
“No way, Buffy,” Timothy shook his head. “You are still one of those crazy bitches. Cael hasn’t told me the real deal, but when he looked me in the eye and said you ladies might kill me, I knew he wasn’t playing around. He was afraid for my life.”
“Do you really think we would hurt you?” Buffy persisted.
“You put an arrow in my boy… and he’s got the magic dick. Since I’m not likely to put out for you ladies, I pretty much believe you’ll put one through my heart without batting an eye,” Timothy countered.
“What would you do if he simply stopped showing up one day?” Buffy mused.
“Not ask,” Timothy snapped off his reply. “I trust Cael enough to heed his warning and get on with my life.”
“Cael has a big heart,” Buffy regarded me warmly. “It is one of the many things that makes him a great prize.”
“Salmon – Angel Falls,” Timothy taunted me. Before I even started at Havenstone, he had warned me that I had no chance of making it in that women-dominated Hell. He was right and he loved rubbing it in – the Bastard. To clarify: a salmon is a stupid fish who follows his penis to his death and Angel Falls in Venezuela is the Earth’s longest, continuous waterfall – that’s 807 meters for those who don’t want to use Wikipedia.
“Timothy, if there was any doubt, there will be no mention of Tuesday night and what came afterwards,” I urged my guy.
“Way ahead of you,” Timothy chuckled. That was Rhada we were talking about.
“If you are going to hang around Cael, you will have to get used to all the other ladies,” Odette sighed comfortably up at Buffy.
“I know,” Buffy stroked Odette’s ear. “Also, if you see me outside of Cael’s home, be afraid of me because if you aren’t, bad things might happen to you. Do we understand each other?”
“No,” Odette hesitated to respond.
“Don’t worry about it – just do it,” Buffy warned her – affectionately. I was going mad.
For the rest of the movie, everyone behaved. We emptied the ice cream container. Timothy went for beers. He bought back three.
“Where is mine?” Odette inquired.
“I don’t think you are old enough to drink,” Timothy told her.
“Odette, if you give Buffy a kiss steamy enough to curl her toes, I’ll give you mine,” I offered. Odette weighed the offer, rolled over and crawled into Buffy’s lap. The kiss was classic me – teasing contact – light tongue – full kiss – re-arrangement of tonsils. I was so proud of my girl.
“That was exceedingly pleasant, Odette,” Buffy grinned once the French kiss eventually ended.
I handed Odette my beer. She remained straddling Buffy’s lap, perfectly at ease.
“Dude, do you have any guy friends you can bring over and make gay?” Timothy pleaded with me. We knew that didn’t happen. “Fine, bi will do,” he grinned.
“I’m not a lesbian,” Odette wiggled in Buffy’s lap. “I just like Buffy.”
“Buffy likes you,” Buffy placed a light kiss on Odette’s lips. “Let’s go to the bedroom.” Acid test time.
“Sure,” Odette hopped up. She took Buffy’s hand and pulled her up. Hand in hand they went to my room. I rose to follow.
“We’ll call you when we are ready,” Buffy teased me. They went into my boudoir and shut the door.
“Now you know how I feel,” Timothy sighed.
“Not really,” I patted his shoulder. “In thirty, or forty minutes, I’m going to go in there and do some serious boning. Personally, I don’t know how you take sleeping alone so often.”
Timothy and I sat down on the sofa.
“You are an asshole,” he grumbled.
“Considering what you do to assholes, I don’t know how to take that,” I joked. He hit me.
“Being gay would be the only thing that would make you more fun,” Timothy laughed.
I wondered how Katrina would take my sexual conversion. I deciding telling her would be unwise. . I had another rescue flare about how out of control my life had become – Odette had seen my latest series of bandaged wounds and hadn’t forced me to create some lie to explain them away. Damn.