It’s nice here. Embers from the crackling fire float up toward the clear night sky. The atmosphere’s relaxed, and the smell of burning wood and sea salt calming. A part of me never wants to leave. I even wish Colton and I were different people. That we lived in an uncomplicated world. That this was a real date.
We’re standing at the bar when he nudges me. What’s wrong ?
I sigh because I now live in a world were not even my feelings are safe. Nothing.
He knows I’m lying, but thankfully doesn’t push me to tell him. The woman running the bar comes over to us, smiling at Colton like she knows him.
Hey, boss, she says in a thick accent.
How’s everyone ? he asks, leaning against the bar casually. He’s different here.
Fine and dandy. Everyone is working hard, as usual. There was a bit of a ruckus with two drunks, but it got sorted. Reaching under the bar, she pulls out a pack of six bottles of beer. I knew you were coming so I saved these for you.
Laughing, he takes the beers. You didn’t see me.
She salutes him and gives me a warm smile as he puts his other hand in mine and pulls me away from the party. He takes me down a secluded path lit up with an occasional fire torch, the flames dancing in the breeze.
How come you don’t want people to see you ?
Because I’m here with you and, well, although I own this place, my sister runs it. What goes on here is her business. She hates her toes being stepped on.
You have a sister ? I ask in shock. I never really thought to ask him if he had any other siblings.
Evelyn, he says and smiles, only, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. She’s a year older than me and lives with her husband and two kids in Ironer Bay.
My Grandparents live in Ironer Bay. It’s a nice town. Pretty in the summer. When I was younger, Ray and I used to go up there and visit all the time. It’s more rural than most towns in North County but has nice attractions.
Why don’t you look happy when you talk about your sister ?
He breathes a laugh. I didn’t realize I did. It’s not that. I just don’t agree with her life choices. Her husband is human, and she doesn’t use her wolf. She hasn’t used that side of her for so long she will probably never be able to now, which leaves her unprotected.
Why doesn’t she use it ?
We’re almost at the beach and he helps me down sand dune first. She wants to live a human life for her kids. Most purebloods do.
But not you ?
Not me, he says. You don’t have a choice when you’re chosen as alpha.
He sits down on the sand and I sit down next to him. We’re facing the sea and the moonlight reflecting off the ripples in the ocean is beautiful. He takes out a beer and twists the cap off.
Non-alcoholic beer, he says, taking a gulp and handing me one. I always have one when I come here.
Why ? I ask, twisting the cap off.
Memories, I guess. Of my folks. My Dad used to sneak me a beer without Mum knowing every time we came here. Little did I know he was giving me non-alcohol ones. I obviously didn’t know the difference. I thought I was so cool. He shakes his head, a smile on his face that soon fades. Toby told you they’re dead, right ?
I freeze. He must have found out about everything Toby told me that day in his car. He did.
After my Dad died his alpha title came straight to me, being the only born son. I’m not able to give up what I am because of it. I need to look after everyone in my pack, but my sister and my nieces haven’t my protection because of her choice of living in Ironer Bay. She did it on purpose because of how they died.
How did they die ? He stiffens at my question and I suddenly feel embarrassed for prying. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.
No, it’s okay. I guess you should know. They were murdered by Moonwalkers.
Quietness surrounds us and I’m at a loss of what to say. I don’t want to say the obvious, I’m sorry, because no one wants to hear that.
I stare at him for a while. He’s looking out towards the ocean, his face blank of emotion, but there’s something about it that’s sad, like he’s spent so much time hiding his feelings.
Toby said he took it harder because he saw what happened. That means he saw them get murdered. I don’t want to ask him. Tonight was supposed to be about a different talk. Not something like this. Not something that’s going to make it harder to walk away from.
We sit in silence and drink a bottle of beer each without saying anything to each other, but I can’t take it anymore.
Why can’t you… I bite my lip and stop myself. I don’t know whether to say what I want to say in fear I might sound pathetic.
Go on, he urges
I swallow nervously. Why can’t you just be mine ?
I feel stupid. These feelings won’t away. I want him. I really like him and it’s driving me insane being with him like this. I know it’s my own fault because I can’t stop giving into him, but I honestly can’t fight it. We’re like magnets. I can’t repel him.
He lets out a deep breath. I am yours. I was the moment I bit you.
You say that, but you’re not. You’re hers. It doesn’t matter if you say you don’t love her or whatever. Why are you doing this ?
It’s complicated. If I get you involved, I won’t forgive myself if you got hurt.
But I am involved, I say and stand, hating that I’m feeling like this.
We’re finally talking about what needs to be talked about, but it’s hard and I’m already exhausted.
Do you want to know the truth ? He nods. I’m terrified. He goes to say something, but I put my hand up to stop him. Not because of what you are or how bad you supposedly are, but because I’m terrified I’ll get hurt again. I got out of something really bad, and honestly, this isn’t looking any better.
He stands and steps closer, placing his hands on my waist. I step away. I can’t have anything psychical affect me. Not now. I would never hurt you purposely-
Why can’t you dump Jenny ? I want to know.
Bringing his hand up, he rubs the back of his neck. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, and with every second that passes, my insides die. I told him the truth. It embarrassed me to do it and now he’s fighting giving me an answer ?