Rosalind’s POV
I sat in my bed feeling a chaotic whirl of emotions.
My lips still tingled from Killian’s kiss and my heart still ached from Cillian’s betrayal.
This was wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way about both of them. It wasn’t fair to either of them but I was unable to control how I felt.
I loved Cillian. I had loved him from the first moment I met him and he took my hand. I had fallen even deeper in love with him every day he treated me like a queen.
The way he tried to solve all of my problems, his shy smile and the way he stared at me as though I hung the moon and he couldn’t be luckier to have me and the way his reverent kisses and his touch excited me beyond what I thought was possible.
With every kiss we shared, I felt even more bound to him and my wolf confirmed what I had always felt deep down. He was my mate. The one person created by the moon goddess specifically for me.
And then there was Killian. Killian who had almost had me executed the first time we met. Who made people in the palace treat me like I was shit. And yet, there was this connection we had that confounded me.
He was arrogant and bossy but when he smiled, I melted. When he touched me, I responded regardless of my preexisting feelings of distrust towards him. I dreamt of his touch and I thought of him constantly.
While I was working with him, I would catch myself inhaling his intoxicating scent, stealing glances at his lips. And recently since he started treating me better, I’ve found myself thinking about him even more.
And there was one thing I would never admit even to my shadow. When Cillian touched me, sometimes, I imagined he was Killian.
Killian would be rougher, I knew. I could still remember how he stared at me while fucking that woman. How I had touched myself desperately afterwards.
None of this mattered anyway. Cillian had already chosen someone else and Killian… he would never see me as more than a whore and the way he pulled away after our kiss and barely looked at me, I was convinced I still repulsed him.
There was a knock on my door then it opened and I saw Cillian at my door.
I gasped when I saw him. His face was a map of bruises, his clothes were torn and it looked like he would soon have a black eye coming on.
I rushed to his side. “Goddess, what happened to you?”
“You should see the other guy.” He winced and I assisted him to sit on my bed.
“Should I call the pack doctor?” I was already reaching for the telephone but Cillian stopped me.
“No. No doctors. I needed to see you.”
I should have been passed about the entire home kissing someone else but I couldn’t be pissed while he was hurt and in need of my help.
I nodded.
“Fine. Let me get my first aid kit.”
Call me overly cautious but once I had gotten this room, the first thing I had done was stock up on that first, especially after the last attack I had. The second thing I did was arm myself.
I returned with the kit not knowing where to start but settled for his face.
He winced as I cleaned the injury. Then his hand came around the one I was using to apply the treatment.
“I’m sorry, Rosalind.”
Oh. He knew. He knew I had seen him. If he had seen me leave, why didn’t he come after me?
I couldn’t think about that now.
“Please let me go so I can dress your wounds.”
Naturally, he didn’t let go of me.
“I’m very sorry. She came on to me and I never thought that she would do something like that”
I interrupted him, his words merely bringing the image of their kiss to the forefront of my mind.
“It no longer matters.”
It didn’t. Even if what he was saying was the truth, it didn’t change anything. I was already realizing that I would never be Cilian’s princess.
That was a dream far out of reach for me that it would have debilitating political effects for Cillian.
His thumb went under my chin and I raised my eyes to meet his.
His eyes were filled with hurt but more than that I could read the honesty in his gaze. He was telling the truth.
“It matters to me. The thought that I hurt you knowingly or unknowingly matters to me. You matter to me.”
I didn’t know how I felt. I was relieved that it was a mid understanding at the same time I wondered how many more misunderstandings would occur with the brides here.
We have agreed to take it a day at a time but now I am worried that had underestimated the depth of our problems. I hadn’t even begun to process the guilt I felt over kissing Killian in that weak moment.
So I tried to divert the conversation.
“And how are you so sure that you hurt me?”
If he had seen me, why hadn’t he come after me?
Cillian’s face clouded.
“Killian told me.”
My hand went limp in his grasp. Killian left me to go and talk with Cillian? I gazed at Cillian’s injuries with new eyes.
Oh Goddess, did they fight over me? This was bad. Really bad. I was coming between two brothers and it hadn’t even been my intention at all.
No, I had to be wrong. Right?
“Did Killian do this to you?”
“Yeah.” Cillian laughed even though there was no humour in the sound. “No need to look so horrified. I’m not a total pacifist, I got in a few punches too.”
I don’t know why but I suspected Cillian held back. Even if he wasn’t training every second of the day like Killian, he could still home his ground pretty well.
For him to look this bad then he must have held back. Killian. I was so sure he left because he didn’t want to see my face but he had gone to beat up his brother for me.
I wiped at the tears that suddenly sprung up in my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have told him. I shouldn’t have”
Cillian’s hands came around my shoulders.
“Rosalind, it’s cool.”
I shook my head.
“No, it’s not cool. You fought with your twin because of me.”
“No,” Cillian interjected. “We fought because we are Alpha males who would use any opportunity to show our dominance over each other.”
I didn’t believe a word of what he said but that might just have been because he didn’t sound like he believed it either.
He let go of my hand and I dabbed at his wound.
It would heal soon enough probably in hours seeing as it was someone his equal in length tha5 had given him the injuries so I just had to disinfect it so that there would be no lingering skin infection.
I finished with his face and was unsure about if I should ask him to pull off what was left of his shirt. The last thing I needed was for things to get steamy here.
Cillian placed my hand on his chest as though sensing my confusion. I tilted my head back to gaze at him, unable to help myself and his eyes darkened slightly.
“I’ve missed your touch, Rosalind.”
My knees quivered.
“Prince Cillian.” I said a note of warning but even I was fighting off a shiver.
His gaze was hot and intense.
“Please don’t call me that now. I’m burning for you.”
Cillian dipped his head and my lips parted involuntarily, my head emptying of any coherent thought.
His voice was low and husky.
“Just one kiss. Just one.”
He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than me. Our lips were a breath apart, my eyes fluttered shut and his hand slid into my hair to draw me closer.
That quickly, I was with a different prince, at a different time and a different kiss.
It was at that moment I knew I couldn’t do this anymore.
My eyes opened.
“I was wrong, Prince Cillian.”
“What?” His eyes were still hooded with desire.
I let my eyes trace over every perfect plane surface of his face, committing it to memory. This might be the last time I would see it this up close and my fickle heart ached at the thought.
“When I said seeing you mated would kill me. It won’t.”
As confusion clouded his eyes, I moved out of his grasp and let my face go blank.
“From the day I met you, you’ve saved my life so many times that I have lost count. You are handsome, caring and doting. All of that confused me. But now I see my feelings for what they truly were. Infatuation.”
Cillian stood up from the bed and moved towards me.
“Rosalind, what are you saying?”
I made myself look him in the eye because there was no other way he would believe me.
“The truth. There is no need to get into fights with your brother or push away eligible women, I don’t like you the way you like me, Prince Cillian.”
I saw the pain in his eyes, I saw the disbelief on his face and it was all I could do to stand straight and face him as he spoke.
“Rosalind, please. If it’s because of what happened earlier, I told you”
I interrupted him.
“I have no right to pass on judgement for your preference, Prince Cillian. Perhaps it would be best if I stopped working so close to you.”
Cillian took hands in his.
“Rosalind…. Please. I would go on my knees if you want me to. If it will make you forgive then I will do it. Don’t leave me…”
I yanked my hand out of his.
“I won’t ever leave you… I was never with you to start with.”
I walked out of my room with tears drying on my cheeks.