“What do we do now?” Donovan’s question disrupts the tranquility I feel with my head resting on his chest, my hand on his abdomen, and his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer.
We made love five times, and though I was sore, I wouldn’t mind a sixth. A small voice in my head scolded me, knowing this shouldn’t have happened. Donovan is toxic, and so am I. How could we ever start a normal love story after everything we’ve been through? He’s a drug dealer, or at least he was. I don’t even know who he is now, and I’m not sure I ever did. I’m just a girl who lost her mother young, was abused by her father, and then completely broken by Shawn.
What can possibly be built on such shaky foundations?
“We’re not good for each other,” I whispered against his skin, planting a gentle kiss to soften the sting of my words. “At this point, I think we’re not good for anyone.”
In a flash, he was on top of me, his hands pinning my wrists above my head. “I’m not broken, Celina. I never really…”
I didn’t let him finish. “Well, I am.”
“We can fix this. If we leave here, we can find help, therapists, whatever we need.”
“I don’t need therapy, Donovan. I need peace and focus on my priorities. High school’s almost over, and I know what I’m doing after.”
“You want to leave, and you can do it with me.” His hand squeezed mine, a nervous grip, afraid of what my answer might be.
As much as I wanted to shout out a resounding yes, to run off with him anywhere, it didn’t seem like the wisest choice in my post-coital haze. My heart races every time I look at his beautiful face, and every so often, his hand drifts to my hip or waist in a soothing caress.
“With you? Is anything certain with you? The relationship is broken, Donovan. We hurt each other too much.”
“We love each other, and that has to count for something. Once we leave here, I’ll tell you everything I couldn’t before, and I’ll never hurt you again. I promise.” He leaned in, kissed the tip of my nose, then murmured against my lips, “I have a secure job in the city, and we can bring your mother. You can study, and we can be just like any other couple.”
I’m enraptured by his words. How could I not be? Sweet lies have a way of charming any ear, painting fantasies in minds overwhelmed by reality. “I think you should go.”
He got up silently, his eyes closed, dressed, and without a backward glance, moved towards my Rapunzel-like window. “Will you think about it? I’m leaving in two days. Promise me you’ll consider it.”
“Two days? I need to finish school.”
“Give me a ‘yes’ and I’ll delay it until your graduation.”
“Aren’t you graduating?”
“I never went to school, so of course not.”
And just like that, he vanished into the night’s shadow.
***
“Are you okay?” Jessi asked before I got in the car. I simply nodded in response.
We have a better relationship now. We’re not best friends or anything, but we tolerate and respect each other a bit more. I help her with homework, and she drives me to school; that’s the deal.
Upon arriving at school, it didn’t take long for Cris to dash over to me, his face pale. I took a moment to scan my surroundings. Everyone was looking towards the school building, whispering among themselves, and then suddenly, many eyes turned to me.
“Donovan beat Travis unconscious. They’re going to arrest him,” Cris blurted, sending chills down my spine.
“Where is he?” was all I managed to say before I bolted towards the throng of students. I couldn’t wait for an answer. I had to see for myself. I pushed and shouted for people to make way. What had he done?
A teacher tried to restrain me, but I quickly dodged him, not listening to his words. I sprinted harder, flinging open the school’s doors.
It was true. Travis was being taken away on a stretcher, the floor awash with blood. I hurried over, needing to see the extent of the damage.
I couldn’t tell if he saw me; his eyes were swollen shut. I wasn’t even sure if he could speak; his face was… obliterated. Not even a wild animal would’ve left a face like that. Amidst his suffering, I heard him whisper something. “You’re next.”
The tone of his voice sent shivers down my spine; it was so dark and menacing that my skin prickled. I might’ve reflexively slapped him had it not been for the fact that his entire face was a swollen, purple mess.
A doctor told me to step away from him. I complied, though he didn’t know that the bastard probably deserved everything Donovan did to him, and more.
The authorities were pushing me away when I spotted him. They were dragging him out in handcuffs from one of the classrooms. His gaze immediately locked onto mine, and his already somber expression shifted to one of torment. In contrast to Travis, he didn’t have a single scratch on him. We had ended things between us. Why did he hurt him when it was all over for us?
“Celina, you need to get out of here,” he began struggling against the police, his voice tinged with a desperation that made me yearn to reach out and soothe him. “You need to leave, Celina, leave town. Do you hear me?”
He was mad, utterly mad. He saw the disbelief and disappointment on my face and let out a guttural groan, but I quickly remembered Travis’s words.
“You’re next.”
“Celina, grab my things and leave the city, please, baby…”
I looked down, unable to bear the plea in his eyes. They were taking him away like the criminal he was. But wasn’t he always one? I’ve known that from day one.
Yet, I loved him.
God, I still do.
Watching them drag him away like that shattered me. This was Donovan, the one who went to extremes to take care of his mother. He’s the boy who held me while I cried over what happened with Shawn. Not just that, he’s the one who protected me from Travis and anyone else who tried to harm me. He’s the one who made me feel alive again.
He betrayed me in the most degrading way, yet, I’d rather die than see anything bad happen to him.
***
“Why can’t I see him?” I pressed the officer at the desk. I needed answers. I wanted to understand why he did it.
“For the umpteenth time, miss…” In truth, I think I’d asked more times than she was implying, “you’re not family, and he isn’t entitled to visitors yet.”
I knew I shouldn’t be lashing out at her; it wasn’t her fault, after all. But rage was steadily taking over. Before I could do or say something that might land me behind bars too, I turned on my heel and stormed out. A few deep breaths later, I’d return…
I didn’t care about swallowing my pride anymore. Even if he truly doesn’t love me. I love him. That has to count for something.
“What are you doing here?” Donovan’s first words as he exited the precinct surprised me. It had only been five hours since they took him in.
I was about to enter the station when he came out. How did they release him so quickly? “I need answers, Donovan. Now.”
He walked purposefully towards me, chest heaving, scanning the surroundings as if expecting a tail. His grip tightened on my arm, pulling me along. “What you need is to get out of here. Didn’t you get that? You need to leave now.”
“We’re leaving together,” I blurted out, stopping him in his tracks. He looked momentarily taken aback, but his eyes held a glint of something-hope? “But first, I need to know everything. Every single detail.”
“You want to leave with me?” A surprised sound escaped his lips. It tried to be a laugh, but it didn’t quite make it. That reaction lasted only a few seconds, and he shook his head, continuing to pull me along. “We need to discuss this later. First, I need to get you out of here. We’re too exposed.”
I let him lead me without any resistance. I wanted to feel safe. I sensed something was off, and suddenly everything had spiraled. I tried to ask him for even a hint of what was happening, but I chose to wait. Even as we got into a taxi, neither of us said a word. He occasionally squeezed my hand, and I had a feeling it was more for his sake than mine.
When we arrived at his house, there was an unexpected guest, Vanessa.
Her mouth dropped open in astonishment, her gaze full of a venomous hatred that made me shiver. “We knew you’d come here! What are you doing with her? Haven’t you learned anything yet? You know Tomi’s put a price on her head, right? All because of you! Because you couldn’t keep it in your pants!”
Donovan looked utterly drained, but one glance at me was enough for him to grab my hand and start navigating through the house, doing his best to ignore Vanessa’s taunts.
“How do you plan to save her, huh? Tell me, you want to run away with her? Is that it?” She continued to berate us as we moved toward Alice’s old room.
“Shut up,” Donovan snapped, letting go of my hand. From every piece of furniture he passed, he pulled out thick stacks of cash.
“You think you can just leave? They’ll find you, Donovan. Don’t do this…” Vanessa’s voice trailed off as Donovan kept walking, grabbing a bag that seemed already packed from the closet, leading me to his room where he picked up another one. “You can still save her. Just do what the boss asked you to. Think, Donovan. Please, think…”
He didn’t flinch, grabbing his car keys from the counter.
“You’re going to ruin that girl’s life! Haven’t you thought of that?” Vanessa’s voice broke, verging on hysteria.
Stopping in his tracks, Donovan moved menacingly close to Vanessa, making her stumble backward. “You forced my hand! She was never part of the plan! She was damned the moment you saw an opportunity in her!”
Vanessa fell silent. Donovan turned to me, touching my cheek gently and giving me a reassuring nod. Together, we rushed to his car. He flung open the trunk, threw the bags inside, and slammed it shut. The next thing in the car was us. Within seconds, he’d ignited the engine and floored the accelerator, speeding us away.
“I’m so sorry for all this, I promise everything will be alright…”
I cut him off. “What about my mother?”
“I’m taking care of that. Just stay calm. You can call your aunt; she must be going crazy wondering where she is,” he assured me, his face unusually grave. He was visibly worried. His brow was constantly furrowed. “You’ll have the life you deserve. You’ll see.”
“Where did they take her?”
“They’re moving her to a facility where she’ll be taken care of. It’s the best in the city, but it’s just for now. You can live with her if that’s what you want.”
“How did they get her out of the house? How did…”
“There were anonymous reports with evidence of abuse from your uncle,” he replied, glancing sideways at me, seeing my eyes widen in disbelief and my mounting anger. “They aren’t true allegations, at least not to my knowledge. Everything was fabricated to get the authorities to remove her.”
“And the evidence?”
“They aren’t real pieces of evidence, just fake recorded calls.”
“How long have you been planning this?”
“Since your mother came back to you.”
I was taken aback, given he and I were on bad terms back then. Why did he hold onto that card if he didn’t know we’d reunite?
“Do you really love me?” I dared to ask, hoping to confirm he was doing this for the right reasons.
“It feels so crude just to say ‘I love you’. But if you need an answer, yes, I love you more than I can ever express or explain. I wish I could give you everything you want, I’d lay down my life to erase every bad memory from your past and shield you within me to prevent anyone from harming you. There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t change, destroy, or create for you. I love you more than words can convey. I love you more than my own life.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Can you pull over for a moment?”
The break in my voice caught him off guard, but he complied. He parked the car along the curb and looked at me with concern. He didn’t need to, but I was so elated I just wanted to throw myself at him. And that’s precisely what I did.
I lunged at him, trapping him between my thighs and capturing his mouth with mine, wondering how I had managed to go this long without his touch; it was intoxicating.
He didn’t hesitate at all. In fact, he seemed more than ready for me to let go and give in to my desires. His hands roamed me as if he were parched and my body was the only glass of water in the world. Wild and fierce, just like Donovan always was. He gripped my waist so tightly that even when he let go, it felt as though his hand lingered there.
As I began to pull away from the kiss, he grasped the nape of my neck, refusing to let me go. I didn’t mind at all. I could stay like this for years if it weren’t for our basic human needs, like eating, using the restroom-you get the idea.
Once we both decided to part our lips, I pressed mine against the skin of his neck, eliciting several lost moans from Donovan as I dared to caress him. When I tried to move to his abdomen, intending to unbutton his jeans, his hands, which had been cradling my rear, shot to my wrists, halting me. “We can’t do this now; we have to go. We’re not safe here.”
I quickly nodded, grasping his point, yet the overwhelming frustration I felt low in my belly made my first thought one of pouncing on him. This wasn’t good.
So, with a silent, inner apology, I bit back any comment and returned to my seat. The cold, dull, and notably “Donovan-less” seat.
Donovan let out a pained groan, glancing sidelong at me with a wry half-smile. “Are we okay?”
“Yes, more than okay. I love you,” I replied, squeezing his hand and leaning in to plant a soft kiss on his forehead.
I should’ve felt safe, but I didn’t. There was something he wasn’t telling me. I knew him all too well.