I approached him without hesitation, ignoring the heavy weight in my feet, spitting my pride out of my system. What was I going to say to him?
I loathed the hopeful smile he was giving me right now, despising him for not having the decency to leave me alone after hurting me so much. At the same time, I detested myself for feeling guilty about what I was about to do to him.
“Hello, stranger,” my voice sounded more cheerful than it should have. “Damn, he’ll catch on…”
“Look, if you want to slap me now, I get it. What I did yesterday was wrong. I shouldn’t have kissed you against your will…”
“What? No. I’m the one who should apologize,” the lump in my throat grew as I forced the blame upon myself when he did everything wrong. Everything. He used me, he deceived me. Why’s he back now? To extract more information from me? I despised him so much. “I was really harsh on you. I should’ve given you a chance to explain.”
“I get why you didn’t, but…” He hurried to reply but then his eyebrows furrowed, a look of confusion crossing his face. “Are you okay?”
I gave an exaggerated smile, wishing I could slap myself for such a poor lie. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’re acting off, it’s not like you…”
“Now he knows me?”
“Yeah, it’s just my mom is staying with us at my uncle’s place, and it’s given me a different perspective. You weren’t mean to me, just honest. I don’t want anything romantic with you anymore, but we could be friends. What do you think?”
He slowly shook his head, clearly not buying any of what I was saying. I knew him too well. “Celina, are you sure you’re okay?”
I took a deep breath, searching for a part of me that still held affection for him, hoping to make him believe I was being sincere. There it is, I can do this…
All I managed was a sad grimace and a gentle tap on his arm. “Stop asking that, silly, I’m fine. Maybe we can hang out sometime? I’d love to go back to that bar you took me to a while back, where we ended up spending the night and all. Of course, if you want, just to tie up loose ends and ensure we part on good terms.”
Donovan looked puzzled again, unable to find his words, and I was at a loss for what to say next. For a brief moment, there was a flash of clarity in his eyes, as if he sensed what was going on, but then he just offered a smile and nodded. He doesn’t know. He could never know. The fool believes he executed everything flawlessly, that nothing in his plan could’ve gone wrong.
Before I could say anything further, I spotted Cris a few meters away, gesturing wildly and mouthing, “Girl, are you crazy?”- “I’m heading out with Cris. We’ll talk later,” I told Donovan.
As I walked away, I felt my muscles relax and then… cold. Intense cold. – “You’re off your rocker. One minute you’re shouting that you want him gone, and the next you’re chatting like nothing’s wrong. What were you two up to?”
“I wanted to mend things, at least enough for us to be on friendly terms.”
I couldn’t spill everything to Cris. Hell, I was still piecing it all together myself.
“Friends? The two of you? Good luck with that. Give it a week and you’ll be all over each other.”
“Believe me, that’s not going to happen.”
Unless, of course, a car hits me, doesn’t kill me, and gives me amnesia. That’s quite a specific set of circumstances.
***
“Mom, how are you feeling today?” I asked, hoping for a response as I cautiously entered the room. She would always become agitated whenever someone came to visit.
I tried to spend the entire day with her, but she would grow restless if I did my schoolwork in her presence. She craved attention and I understood. She must feel so isolated in there, lost within herself.
She nodded several times, indicating that today was a good day. Thank heavens.
“In a bit, they’ll bring your breakfast. I have to head to school today. Do you want me to read to you for a little while before I leave?”
“No, Ce… Cel… Celina is coming to see me,” she managed to say, struggling with every word. Still, I was grateful she could communicate with me lately. In the early days, she would just shout or sit in silence, staring fixedly at one point without moving.
“Oh really? Who’s this girl?” I responded, feigning intrigue. She liked that when someone showed interest in what she had to say.
“She… She’s petite and pretty, very pretty…” She paused, pondering for a moment and then focused her gaze on me. “Like you.”
Every time I visited her, an overwhelming urge to cry would engulf me. Today was no exception.
“Oh yes! I know her. Today she left this book with me,” I showed her the cover, and she pointed at it frantically.
“You stole it!” She began to scream. Today was not a good day after all.
I approached her, whispering soothing words, trying to calm her down, while also signaling for the nurse to come help. But this only seemed to make her more agitated.
I’m her daughter, I love her, but she was uncontrollable when she started raving about thieves. The blows she had landed on the nurse had left me dumbstruck.
“Mom, listen to me, it’s Celina. Remember? Remember we read together yesterday?” I tried to explain as I held her trembling hand. That’s when I felt her hit.
“Thief! You stole my jewels! When my husband returns, he’ll teach you what you deserve!”
I wasn’t sure which husband she had in her mind, but I knew she wasn’t talking about my father.
I felt my face burn, and a sharp pain radiated from my cheek. She had hit me hard.
I quickly backed away as she tried to get up to give me more of “what I deserved.”
Today, there were two nurses looking after her. They rushed into the room and managed to soothe her with an injection. I hated seeing this. It was simply heart-wrenching.
I ran out and started heading to school. I couldn’t bear to stay there, listening to her erratic screams against me.
I simply couldn’t.
***
As soon as I walked into my first class, which I shared with Donovan, he was already there. It seemed like he was waiting for me.
His face lit up for a fraction of a second until he caught sight of mine. He instantly rose from his seat and rushed over to me, drawing everyone’s attention. I kept wondering why he was still here. He had already flunked the year.
“Who did that to you?” His worried expression didn’t move me in the slightest. He reached out to touch the spot where my mother had struck me, but I quickly pulled away.
“No one did anything, Donovan. I was playing ball with Cris yesterday and he miscalculated his aim. Chill out,” I retorted, more irritated than I intended, which was not in line with Dave’s plan…
“Be sweet, seduce him, and get me what I need, then you’ll get what you want.” I loathed having Dave’s voice echoing in my head every damned morning.
I smiled at Donovan, placing my hand on his shoulder. “Seriously, if someone were to hurt me, you’d be the first to know. Then we can go and kill them together.”
Confusion clouded his features again, tearing me up inside since there was nothing I could do to win his trust.
I conceded for the day, bypassing him to find my seat.
I left the class three minutes early, insisting I needed the restroom. The teacher had no choice but to let me go, and I seized the opportunity to dodge Donovan and his incessant questioning. I couldn’t pretend to be good around him today. Not after what I went through this morning.
Luckily, I finished the day without running into either Cris or Donovan. I didn’t want anyone else questioning me about…
“What happened to your face, Celina?” Blake suddenly interjected, approaching with a look of concern. I should’ve hurried to the bus stop faster.
He must’ve seen me from the other side of the street, where he waits for his brother.
“Hello to you too,” I replied with a playful tone, yet he remained stoic, waiting for an answer to his question.
“Just got hit by a ball, no big deal. I’ll live.” I offered him a smile, which seemed to put him at ease.
His hand slowly moved towards my face, gently touching the bruised area. Quite forward of him.
I wish I could say I felt something, but the truth is I didn’t. But feeling nothing is better than the burning anger I feel every time Donovan touches me. Or is it? Why am I even comparing the two?
“You should work on your reflexes,” he said with a smile, hands slipping into his pockets, a hint of nervousness in his eyes.
“Ha! Funny. Yeah, I probably should.” “Especially should learn to dodge my mother’s hits,” I thought to myself.
“Look, we haven’t really talked since you gave me your number, but how about I take that bruise out if you’re up for it?” he said, a blend of bluntness and awkwardness.
I burst out laughing as he buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. “That’s got to be the darkest invitation I’ve ever gotten.”
When he finally showed his face again, it was flushed with embarrassment. “I know! I’m sorry, I was just so nervous. I rehearsed this a thousand times and thought I’d try something new. My only other edgy line was, ‘Would you like to go out with me? Please don’t call the cops!'”
I continued laughing, and soon he joined in, and together we made a scene right outside the school.
“What are you two doing?” his brother suddenly chimed in, cutting into our moment.
“Nothing,” we both replied simultaneously. His brother rolled his eyes as he approached the passenger seat of their car. But before getting in, he offered some parting words, “I warned you, bro. Just saying I won’t be attending your funeral because you’re an idiot.” He slammed the door shut.
Blake looked apologetically at me. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay, really,” I assured him.
“So? What do you say? Date?” He prompted again.
For some reason, Donovan flashed in my mind. It felt almost like a nudge.
“Where do you have in mind?” I asked.