My aunt burst into my room, causing me to toss the pen I was holding somewhere in the room. She clearly startled me.
I loved the way people around me seemed to have some tiny camera in my room to know when I plunked my butt down in my desk chair to read or study. I simply found it fabulous.
Believe me, I searched for the camera.
“God, I’m sorry I scared you,” said my aunt, slowly entering the room. Her entire body exuded wariness, I knew that wasn’t good for me.
“No problem, I was studying. Is something wrong?”
She paused to approach the bed and sit at the foot of it. She took a deep breath and began to speak. “We haven’t been communicating much lately, I’m never home, I’m aware of that… The thing is, I don’t see you doing well, Celina.”
I was surprised by her sudden concern. How could she assume there was something wrong when she never saw me?
“Yes, I’m fine, I’m just focused on finishing my year,” I replied, knowing it wasn’t entirely true. Yes, I wanted to finish the year as best as possible, but I also knew I felt guilty for not having done this since I got here. I don’t need more distractions… Except Cris.
“Did you go out last night?”
She had caught my attention. Today was one of those days when I really shouldn’t be disturbed. “Yes, I went out with Cris, why?”
She took another gulp of air to let it out exaggeratedly. It was strange. “We need to set rules.”
Well, I wanted to laugh in her face to express how absurd what she had just said was. “Rules?”
“Yes,” she said, now with a completely serious expression, which was even more annoying.
Breathe, Celina.
Breathe.
I felt my face starting to heat up. “Why? I hardly ever do anything outside of this room.”
“Jessi told me last night that you went to a party.”
“Yes, she went too.”
“That’s not the point.”
“What is?”
She stood up furiously and started waving her arms in the air excessively. “The point is that you left with a stranger in his car. How could you, Celina? He was older than you.”
I proceeded to stand up. My expression changed, I was astounded. “What?”
“Look, I didn’t…”
The second step to not going into crisis is to start pacing back and forth as if I were crazy, which I am. “First, I’m surprised you believe your daughter, who hit me in the middle of school, do you remember? At least ask me before you come and affirm damn fictional lies. I didn’t go anywhere with any stranger. I don’t know what hallucinogen she’s ingesting, but…”
I stopped because I knew that if I continued, this was going to end badly.
Look at you, the demeanor of my aunt went from fairly passive to frightening me. Did she now want to defend her daughter?
With her teeth clenched, she fixed her gaze on me, almost challenging me. This was definitely not going to end well. “There’s a picture of you talking in the street with him alone.”
Right now, I realize just how far my cousin’s psychopathy and illness goes. “Technically we were at the party. Plus, I took a taxi.”
“Did you even ask me if you could go?”
“Are you joking with me? Did Jessi do it? Besides, you’re never home and neither is your husband. The only times I see Dave are when he’s making his shady phone calls talking about shipments and I don’t know what else. Then he leaves.”
I was about to throw a cutting remark about her husband. This woman was testing my self-control.
“Celina…”
“What? I spend my time here studying, bothering no one. I cook for myself. I don’t ask for money, I still have what you gave me two months ago, which is enough for me to live for the whole damn year, I don’t ask you for anything, I don’t tell you the things your daughter does to me every day just to not bother you.”
“Celina, your mother…”
I don’t give a damn anymore. Not about her.
“My mother what? Don’t you dare speak of my mother, you’ve never mentioned her in the months I’ve been here, except the first week. In case you don’t know, I’m here because of her, I want to finish high school to get a good job and go find her, which you haven’t had the slightest intention of doing, not helping her, not a damn thing. She could have been dead a week ago and you wouldn’t have known, but guess what? I call every damn day and they never respond, except to tell me she’s still on the list at the damn psychiatric hospital, that’s the only way I can know my mom is alive. Because there’s also that, she’s in a damn public place when we both know you can afford a private one near here so we can see her, but no, you don’t care. You don’t want to.”
The woman in front of me approached dangerously with a completely red face. “Is your way of helping her going to parties?”
“I go out once a month and my grades are flawless. Why don’t you go check your little girl’s grades? She goes to parties and bars every damn week. Mirroring you, is your way of helping my mother doing nothing?”
“If I had been her daughter and loved her as much as you claim to love her, I wouldn’t have gone far from her.”
My entire body wanted to collapse on the floor. Her cynical voice and the cold in her eyes chilled me. How could she say that to me? I was in a damn movie where everyone is the worst pest in the world, everything I thought I knew about every person I met here, was a lie. My aunt was just an older copy of Jessi, April wouldn’t even look at me, Jessi is a bitch, Travis was a pig, and Donovan…
This was not credible. I really want to disappear, I can’t take it anymore.