Those words shook me, various nerve endings died within me. Breathing seemed impossible and I was clearly flushed, my face was burning and I knew that, if I answered anything, I’d probably feel even more mortified.
Donovan wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at the floor as if he hadn’t thought about what he just said, as if he had said something as trivial as “Hello”, until his eyes widened and he looked at me, awaiting my reaction.
In two seconds, his relaxed demeanor changed. He stiffened and, with a smirk on his face, he shrugged and laid back on the grass. “I mean, I like your personality. I like you within the parameters of our relationship, no more than that.”
I didn’t realize the magnitude of the illusion his words gave me until he corrected those last two, or rather, he gave them a different meaning than the one I had misinterpreted.
“Yes, well, I mean… I knew that,” I assured, but I didn’t even convince myself.
An uncomfortable silence arose between us. We always had good times, there was never more than innocent flirting, jokes, but for the first time in this elapsed time, we returned to the tense atmosphere.
I felt my throat close and my eyes moisten. What the hell is happening to me?
I stood up quickly and Donovan discarded his comfort to sit alarmed, then stand at my side.
Den directed his furrowed brow at me and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
He looked worried while I kept my gaze on the ground, I didn’t want him to see me distressed, I didn’t even know what was going on, but I wanted to leave.
“Donovan, I need to leave, I’ll talk to you later,” I indicated, forced a huge smile and turned to escape, but he grabbed my hand, preventing me from continuing.
“Listen, you know that…”
“No!” I exclaimed, stopping whatever he was about to say. I knew how this worked. He was going to say something without thinking too much, then he was going to contradict himself or stop and I didn’t want to know, I don’t want to know what he has to say, I don’t want to know what he feels or doesn’t feel. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. “I’m okay, Den, seriously, I’m okay.”
“No, you’re clearly not okay. I shouldn’t have said anything, Alicia… I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to misinterpret…” He tried to articulate slowly, measuring each word.
In moments like this, I don’t know how to shield myself, I constantly try not to let anything affect me and this should be no exception. With my mother, I was always strong for her, but today, I must be so for myself.
I cleared my throat, looked at Donovan and smiled broadly. “Den, I swear I didn’t misinterpret anything, the coffee made me very sick and it hit me with an impressive acidity, so if you don’t let me go, I’ll throw up on you, I won’t hesitate to do it, bad boy.”
Still with his furrowed brow and not entirely convinced, he released my hand and I walked very quickly, but before entering the gym, he shouted, “Let me know if you want to leave, I’ll take you home!”
I didn’t turn around at any moment, I just kept walking and entered through the big door of the gym. There were girls playing volleyball, and among them, Jessi.
“Oh Jesus, swallow me up.”
Jessi and her followers laughed and stopped playing when they saw me. “Do you want to give it a try, honey? Maybe a little exercise will make your tiny butt grow.”
I thought the bitch had stopped barking for a long time.
“No… I propose that, instead of exercising, you think a little, maybe that will make your tiny brain grow,” I taunted and kept walking.
“Stop trying to be interesting, Celina, it doesn’t work.”
“Do you think? Then why do you give me so much attention?” I questioned without turning to look at her.
I could only take four sad steps before I felt a hand grab a handful of my hair and pull me down.
She’s dead.
Jessi threw herself on top of me, kicking my thigh with her foot and using her fists to try to hit my face, which at this moment was covered by my hands. She’s unstoppable. Has she gone mad?
I waited a few seconds for the intensity of her blows to decrease before raising my right leg and hitting her waist with it. She fell next to me and I took advantage of the moment to be the one who goes on top this time. I wasn’t going to punch her, I wasn’t such a bitch to ruin her face as she tried to do with me in the first place.
I wanted to hit her, I won’t lie, I wanted it with everything, but I took all the self-control I had and held her wrists over her head to immobilize her, I was stronger. “Are you sick?! Calm down!”
“Let go of me, Celina!” She tries to free herself from me, but I don’t allow it.
I don’t know how she does it, but with her knee, she hits my stomach causing a deep pain and making me writhe on the floor. The blow was brutal. It was then that all my self-control went down the drain.
I quickly left the pain behind and straightened up to look for Jessi’s damn face. I knew I had a murderous expression. Everything turned red around me, I was going to ruin her stupid face.
Jessi looked at me with fear and began to retreat. As I was about to pounce on her, some arms wrapped around my waist, stopping me and guiding me away from the gym.
“Let go of me, Donovan! I’m going to kill her!” I yelled, hoping she would hear me. I hit Donovan’s arms as much as I could and he waited until we got to the changing rooms to push my back against some lockers.
I was going to give him a piece of my mind, but there was a problem.
It wasn’t Donovan.
It was another boy I had never seen in my life.
Blond hair, a little taller than me, brown eyes, and a face that was too innocent. How old was he?
“I’m not Donovan, but I’m sure neither of us would be happy right now considering you wrecked my arm. If you were going to do that with that girl, you were going to disfigure her.”
“That was the damn idea.”
“Who are you? And most importantly, why the hell did you stop me?!” The force with which I screamed made the pain in my stomach present itself again. The trance of the moment had passed and I could feel every punch Jessi gave me multiplied by ten.