Yesterday, I spent a good half hour throwing up, until there was nothing left to expel. Donovan was quite understanding with me, he helped me get back on my feet and stayed by my side until we got to the car, just in case I had a relapse. His attention was something I liked. I don’t know if he felt concerned about me, but at least he wasn’t indifferent.
We didn’t say a word the whole way and I just muttered a faint goodbye when I got out of the car, not because I was angry, far from it, but because I was embarrassed. Donovan would surely remind me at some point about the vomit and how stupid I was to accept the drink. Damn that girl last night, I don’t remember her name, but I know she was looking at me like she wanted to hit me.
When I got home, there was nobody around, so I didn’t suffer any scolding from my aunt, but when I entered my room and lay down, I realized that something was missing.
My cell phone.
Donovan never returned it to me.
I started to panic. The number of my lawyer, screenshots of threatening messages from Shawn on my old phone, the number to reach my mother, I had everything. I was praying that phone would never turn on again, I could get all those numbers again, I would just have to travel back to my hometown or look online.
With a bit of luck, Donovan wouldn’t even turn the phone on. I’ve already told him about my parents, but he can’t know about Shawn, that would be the last straw that would sink me back into depression.
I woke up a little before five to catch the bus, and with my nerves on edge, I showered, got dressed, and went to the kitchen to grab a cookie. I practically ran out of the house for fear of encountering anyone awake, and to find Donovan as soon as possible. I want that phone back.
With my mouth full, I crossed the street while fixing my black sweater. I knew I looked like a total mess, I hadn’t even brushed my hair.
Focused on trying to fix myself up, a honk startled me. I turned around and saw the boy I had been thinking about all night.
“Didn’t you see me or what?” He asks, irritated, getting out of the car. Why is he angry now?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you, I’m in a hurry, Donovan,” I said gently.
I no longer felt the need to act defensively around him, not after yesterday. I could dare to admit that I like his company.
“Okay, it doesn’t matter, here,” he says, handing me the cell phone. I take it and he turns around to go back to his car.
“Donovan! Wait!” He didn’t stop. “What’s wrong? I thought everything was okay… if it’s about last night, I’m sorry.”
That was the only thing I could think of to make him stop. I couldn’t find any reason why Donovan would be mad at me if it wasn’t because of last night.
“You fooled me well, Alicia, you’re just like everyone else,” he declared without turning around.
When I screamed for an explanation, he just kept ignoring me until he got to his car. I didn’t chase him, it wasn’t worth it.
Did he read something?
I believe he could.
He zoomed off my curb and didn’t look back. I just refused to think about what would happen when I saw him at school.
This is for the best, anyway, this was my plan from the start. It wouldn’t do me any good to form any kind of relationship with him. I knew it. And the more time I spend with Donovan, the more my desire to see him multiplies.
I had to admit it someday.
When I arrived, April was waiting for me next to our class. She looked a bit off, her hair was disheveled, and she had very noticeable bags under her eyes.
“Where have you been?” She asks, looking me up and down to make sure I’m all there.
“Where have I been?” The first thing that came to mind was the fact that she might have gone to my house, otherwise there was no way she would know I wasn’t there.
“Yes, Travis called me like crazy and I don’t know where the hell he got my number from, but he was hysterical… Are you going out with him?”
Travis. Date. Yesterday. I completely forgot. The first thing I did was take my cell phone out of my pocket and turn it on, it still worked, good. The screen didn’t have any messages or missed calls. I checked the call log and indeed all of Travis’s calls were there, but the message box was empty except for one message, he sent it an hour ago.
Did Donovan delete everything? Did he see something else? Surely, I don’t think he would have limited himself to seeing just that. Why does it matter to him? I already know he hates Travis, but I don’t have anything to do with their relationship.
“Well, I guess you might have forgotten or maybe you backed out, but I think it’s a bit disrespectful of you not to answer any of my hundreds of messages or calls. I like you Celina, seriously, you’re intelligent and beautiful, I’d like to talk to you behind the bleachers today at 12. I’ll be waiting.”
I’ll go, I owe him that, but what will I make up? I can’t tell him I was with Donovan or where we went.
I’m just going to apologize, if he doesn’t accept it without any explanation, I’ll turn around and stop worrying about these nonsense. It’s okay, maybe not, but I’m not going to try to convince him of anything, he’s not that relevant in my life and I don’t want him to be.
“And? What did I miss?” April asks with a rather forced smile. The fact that she drools every time she looks at Travis makes me doubt what to answer, she’s jealous, that’s obvious. Beyond that he might have other intentions with me, I don’t have to have them with him, I don’t want anything with anyone and Travis is no exception to that. She should know that, but how do I explain it? “I would never be with him because my ex-boyfriend…” doesn’t sound very good. Let’s also count the fact that I’ve known her for a very short time, how do I know she won’t turn against me as soon as she has some interesting information for all the gossipers in this high school?
I won’t risk it under any circumstances that everyone knows about it. I shouldn’t have told Donovan either! I don’t know what I was thinking when I told him.
It’s okay, I was sensitive because of his mother and knowing too much about him made me feel empathy that I know no one had for me when I was crying in the hallways of my old school about my parents. I understood a lot of his pain, my mother and his, his responsibilities and mine. We are very similar, we had much more weight on our back than a teenager should have.
I snapped out of my thoughts when April touched my cheek repeatedly. “Sometimes you scare me when you think like that. Now will you explain? Are you with Travis?”
“No! No, not at all, I would never…” I started to say when my shoulder was bumped. Indignant, I looked at the culprit and when I recognized his back I felt like jumping on him and making him fall.
Donovan.
“Seriously? You left so many messages that one would think there’s something between you two, but tell me Alicia, how can you stand up the Captain of the team for a simple guy like me whose reputation leaves a lot to be desired?”
Having said that, he walked into our class with the most provocative smile in the world. Damn jerk.
Although he was right, how could I have gone with him knowing I had a date with Travis later? I still don’t know. I must admit though that yesterday was amazing. Most of the time we argued or dared each other, but I loved every conversation that let me know him a little more, those which I felt he had never shared with anyone else but me. I don’t know what we were thinking to open up so much to each other, because I know I didn’t hold back, I told him about my father, my mother… But I would never tell him about Shawn, never.
“So, you went out with Donovan? Seriously? So, you like bad boys, huh?” April smiled mischievously and I rolled my eyes. I walked into class, avoiding Donovan’s accusing gaze.
“You’re stepping on dangerous ground,” he muttered behind me in a serious tone, giving me chills.
“Excuse me?” I asked without looking at him, I kept my gaze ahead, I could almost feel his breath on the back of my neck and if I turned around we would be very close. Even at this distance, my pulse is racing. I’m scared of my reactions towards him.
“Nothing, just… nothing.”
I felt he wanted to tell me something else, his voice sounded almost pleading, I’ve never heard him like that. Part of me was intrigued and another part worried, not for him, but for me. Where was I getting myself into?