On Friday, we spent practically the whole afternoon talking with Travis. It’s much more than I thought. He really likes math, wants to be a teacher, he’s a good listener, fun, academic, focused, and loves to debate. He’s the kind of person who can fit into any conversation, literally any conversation. We even talked about the immortality of lobsters. There were no awkward silences, no insinuations. He behaved like a friend, as if we had known each other all our lives. It’s a shame that he doesn’t really know anything about mine.
He knows nothing, not even where I come from. I didn’t utter a word about my real parents or who I am. I said nothing. I just tried to avoid any discussion about my past at all costs.
This is what I wanted to avoid by getting involved with other people. Lying to them about who I am and where I come from is not the way to start a bond that I would love to maintain. But I know that’s not possible for me right now. My life will always be a lie to others, and it’s even disturbing to lie to April.
“You caused a lot of trouble, Celina,” Dave commented as soon as I entered the dining room.
Today is Monday. Back to school.
I haven’t seen the jerk in days, and he’s already starting with his cheap bravado. With anger on the surface, I took a couple of sips of water and turned around to avoid telling him off. I try to be quiet and obedient, but when it comes to my uncle and cousin, it’s impossible for me to bite my tongue.
“Don’t go. Have something to eat and let’s talk,” the incompetent proposed before I walked out the door. I glanced at him, and he casually picked up the newspaper, showing that I didn’t bother him at all.
The family cook quickly brought me a cup of tea and some hot toast, placing them on the spot where I should already be sitting, except I’m not. Instead, I’m standing at the entrance of the house with a lump in my throat and an urge to cry out of damn helplessness. If I’m not being threatened by Jessi or her friends, I’m being harassed by her father. I can’t find peace anywhere, and the only memories I have of being happy were with Alice, Donovan, and April. After that, everyone takes turns piling on top of me, trying to make me stop fighting, to leave me defeated on the ground, and it’s exhausting to try to be strong all the time. A tear escaped, and I quickly tried to wipe it away with the back of my hand. I won’t cry for them, I won’t cry for anyone. I’ve cried all I needed to in its time. I can’t appear weak anymore; I’m not weak anymore.
“Do you need a ride?” I looked in the direction of the voice and saw his black Chevy. How long has it been here?
What is he doing here?
“It yours? I’d rather be in a car with death,” I joked with him a bit and continued on my way to the bus stop. I hoped he would understand that I wanted to be alone, or more precisely, that I didn’t want to be with him. I don’t want to get any more involved.
“Stop being so stubborn and get in the car, Alicia.” He grabbed my wrist to stop me from walking, and I instantly pulled it away.
Clearly, he didn’t understand.
“Alicia? You know what I’d prefer right now? Getting in a car with Jessi and her cronies rather than getting in a car with you.”
I knew I was being detestable for no reason, it hurt, but it was what I had to do.
“Listen, I just wanted to say…,” he hesitated for a few seconds, biting his lower lip, as if what he was about to say would change the whole world, or rather, his world. “Thanks for taking care of Alice the other day and for…,” he pointed to his healing split lip and eyebrow. “For that.”
“And?” I insisted, hoping he would say more, although I’m actually quite satisfied with what he said. His eyes were full of sincerity, as if he genuinely wanted me to believe his gratitude.
“Don’t expect that crap. It’s enough that a ‘thank you’ came out of my mouth directed at you,” he squinted his eyes and pursed his lips. One side of his upper lip lifted while the other remained in its original position. He didn’t believe that I would dare to ask for more when he had already done the most he could.
“Fine, you’re welcome,” I put all my weight on my left foot and crossed my arms. This was the most childish moment of my life. He reluctantly apologized, and I accepted it with hesitation.
Donovan changed his expression, and now he seemed like he was in new territory, not knowing how to react or which step to take. “Come on, get in the car.”
I hesitated. I shouldn’t. I can’t get in his car.
But I did.
I didn’t resist Donovan enough.
“You’re always giving orders,” I said, completely ignoring what I had just said. He started the engine, put the car in gear, and drove away from the curb. He gripped the steering wheel tightly until his knuckles turned completely white. From a distance, I could tell he was nervous, although I didn’t understand why.