When I arrived home, my aunt was watching television and eating popcorn. She asked how the evening went, and I told her about everything I did with April, except for the moment I ran into Donovan and he brought me home.
I went upstairs and entered my room. I lay on my bed, going over every detail of what happened tonight with Donovan and his mother. Everything that woman told me gives me reasons to doubt its validity since Donovan is the cause of all her stability and happiness. I can’t imagine him at an amusement park with another human being, no way.
And his mother has something, that’s more than obvious. Sometimes she acts like a child, but other times she seems to act like an adult. She doesn’t have schizophrenia; I would recognize it instantly. She has something else.
Donovan takes care of her, provides her with food, clothing, shelter-everything she needs. I would even venture to say that he must provide her with medication for her condition, or perhaps her father does.
I don’t know what to believe anymore. Which parts of Donovan are true and which are lies?
He himself says he’s bad, that I should fear him, but how can I fear someone who does these things for his mother? I can’t wrap my head around the idea that he’s bad when he’s capable of taking care of his mother at his age… God, I used to do that, and I’m pretty sure I’m a good person.
I tried to forget about Donovan and start reading, but I was too tired. It was far from happening without me drooling all over the book. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, put on my pajamas, and set the alarm for six. I would arrive at school by 7:30, just in time for the first class.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep…
I can’t. It’s been two hours, almost three in the morning, and I’m still awake. I have a feeling of anxiety in my chest that won’t let me relax.
Will he actually call me tomorrow? Is he crazy? I don’t think he will. We’ll have to spend time together, and that’s bad, very bad in my life. I can barely tolerate him, and now I’ll be with him by choice, actually for his mother’s sake.
I would have liked to tell him to go to hell as soon as he suggested that I come to his house the next day, but the person by his side didn’t deserve that. She’s a good girl; I liked her, and she liked me too. I didn’t want to be the cause of her tears or sadness. Just her smile brightens my day, and when she hugged me, it warmed my heart completely… But that doesn’t change the fact that Donovan is an unbearable asshole.
When the alarm clock rang, I knew it. I didn’t sleep the whole damn night. Great.
I got up, my sparkling bad mood on full display, went to the bathroom, took a quick shower, but even in that moment, I didn’t relax. I don’t understand why I’m so confused and defeated. Since last night, I’ve felt a horrible tightness in my chest that doesn’t make sense to me.
In ten minutes, I was ready. I took the bus and arrived at school on time. The first person I saw, as always, was April, and strangely enough, Donovan showed up earlier too. He glanced at me several times in the hallways, but he didn’t approach me, although I felt like he wanted to.
In class, I noticed he was restless without even looking at him directly. He seemed more fidgety than usual, considering he’s usually like a statue most of the time.
Halfway through the class, I knew it. His problem was unimaginable to me. I would have never guessed it until I saw a small piece of paper land on my desk.
No longer paying attention to what the teacher was explaining, I looked at Donovan with confusion. He simply gestured to the paper with a somber expression, indicating that I should open it.
I did.
“You won’t tell anyone, right?”
The question took me by surprise. At that moment, my desire to leave him alone gnawed at me. I would never betray him by revealing anything about his mother, knowing how delicate it can be. At my previous school, they always made me feel different simply because my mother had schizophrenia. I would never do that to another person, not even to Donovan.
I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote on it. I didn’t know exactly what to say, although I felt a strong need to make him understand that I empathized, that I went through the same thing as him, but I couldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t betray him, but how do I know he wouldn’t do the same? I would never vouch for Donovan, not in a million years.
“Never.”
I could see a brief smile appear on his lips, and he wrote back on the paper. It took him a long time to give it back to me, so I expected an extensive threat in response, but I was surprised to see that it was just five words.
“You’re hiding spot after school?”
Did I read that correctly? Why do I feel my cheeks burning and an overwhelming warmth rising in my chest?
Ignoring the feeling, I handed him the paper back with a simple “Yes” underneath his question.