“Have you forgiven me?”
I didn’t open my eyes. I just limited myself to feeling how Nick’s arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to his body.
I don’t know what time it is. I only know that when I received his message that he was coming home, an immense calm began to sprout within me. I laid down on the bed just to relax more, but apparently, I fell asleep.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. I don’t know if he heard me or not, but it doesn’t matter. My silence or my answer will tell him everything he needs to know.
He brought his mouth close to my ear. He kissed my earlobe and then my cheek. As an almost natural reflex, I put my feet between his.
“Sam, I know I should have told you, but I was ashamed. Besides, I’m scared that you might want to meet him, and I don’t want that.”
That’s when I willingly pulled away from him.
“Why not?” I asked him as I sat up in bed and exasperatedly ran my hands through my hair.
What would be wrong with him meeting me? A couple of days ago, I wanted the whole damn world to know. Now he doesn’t want his brother to know. Fine, bipolar? Where?
“Because he can’t see you. He can’t know that you’re the most important thing to me. He mustn’t know anything about us,” he stretched out his hand to take my hand. But I got up before he barely touched me.
“And why is that?” my voice sounded cold. But my mind and body were burning with anger.
Alright, I understand that his brother is a drug addict. I understand that it might be embarrassing for him-Although I don’t understand why it does-, but it bothers me too much that he didn’t trust me. That even though his brother has the addiction he has, he doesn’t want to see him. He doesn’t want me to meet him. Because if he’s been with him all these years, he must be important to him. He’s his family after all.
“Samantha, please can you let it be? I told you everything you need to know. In fact, I told you more than you needed to know and…”
“More than I needed to know, Nick?!” I yelled at him, turning around so I could see him. “You say I’m the most important thing to you, but you don’t trust me and you hide things from me. You might not care, but it does matter to me, because I want your secrets to also be mine. I want you to share every fight, every wound, every scar with me. I want to help you with this. I want to help you heal or at least share the pain. Is that so hard to understand? I love you and that’s what people who feel this way do. They support each other. And you’re not letting me love you and…”
Nick grabbed my wrist and in a quick move, he threw me onto the bed again. I tried to get out of his grasp, because as I’ve said once before… I developed a great irritation to being restrained when I need space.
He took both my wrists, put them above my head and looked me straight in the eyes. I let myself be taken in by them. They’re so hypnotic it scares me.
I stopped fighting, but he didn’t let go. I noticed his expression wasn’t one I knew and saw much of. I expected anger or irritation to burst from his eyes. But all I see there is sweetness…
He pressed his forehead against mine and most of my anger flew away.
“You need to learn the concept of ‘angry’,” was the only thing that came to mind to tell him. I’m seriously confused.
“I love you. You’re right in everything you said, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Sam. I’m still learning this relationship thing, but I’m trying. I want you to know and always bear in mind,” he gave me a chaste kiss on the lips, separated just a bit, our lips still lightly touching. “I want to let you love me, and I want you to let me do it too.”
I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t even imagine this kind of reaction. He’s acting simply… very mature. More so than I am.
“You didn’t just say that so you could shut me up and have sex with me, did you?” I asked him while getting out from his grasp and putting my arms around his neck.
“Two things, first… I said it because I really mean it, and second… Wrong, Samantha Benson. That very vulgar and despicable term you used is not what I do with you. You and I make love. They’re very different terms to me.” He bit my lip, stretched it a bit, and let it go. I’m aroused and tortuously pained in parts that require his utmost attention. “I want to change love, you have no idea how hard I try, I try, but I hate when I feel like I need you and I can’t be with you at the moment, it takes me to very dark moments of the past, and makes me want to drink. I can’t have you by my side all the time, it’s not healthy for you or for me, but I have to assimilate it and deal with it. I’m going to change, I swear, just give me time.”
I nodded and kissed his cheek. “So, what do you want to do now? Keep talking about my brother or…” he grabbed the waist of my jeans. “Do more fun things?”
I think this… Yeah, right. As if I can think at this moment. I’m on edge.
With enough impatience, I took his shirt and pulled it upwards. He starts to laugh and helps me take it off.
“Something told me you didn’t want to talk,” he murmured against my lips, clearly amused.
Ignoring his mockery, I kissed him again. Now things got more exciting. He grabbed my hips possessively and firmly. He pulled me a little further down and the brute trying to take off my blouse, broke a couple of seams, he didn’t even care and kept trying to remove all the clothes that separated us from being where we wanted. As close as possible.
He gave a straight line of kisses from my neck to my stomach. He was frenzied. My skin was totally bristled and a moan escaped my mouth when I felt how his hand was going to my panties. He laughed again and technically ripped my pants off.
I did the same with his. A full day apart, and the need to be close to each other was undeniable.
I don’t know what I love more, when he touches me sweetly and tenderly. Or when he takes me in a possessive and fierce way. The way he’s doing it now, is the perfect combination of both. He kisses me and squeezes me, shaking every part of me and leaving marks where he touches. My skin is so sensitive to his touch, I would dare to say it’s more so than before.
He took my bra off in two seconds. I can feel my nipples throbbing against Nick’s chest and it’s impossible not to rub myself against him.
My panties were thin and delicate… which made it easier for him to break them. This boy owes me a lot of new clothes.
When I wanted to take off his boxers, he grabbed both my wrists and put them above my head again.
“No, not this time. Let me enjoy you,” he said in a hoarse voice against my neck. His hot breath breaks against my skin and I shudder beneath him.
He kisses me and our tongues merge. His kisses and his warmth lift me to a point where I thought I would never be. He releases my wrists, allowing me to touch him, also feel him.
He touches the hardness of my nipples while he kisses me. He squeezes and caresses. I can’t help but moan over his mouth. We separate for lack of air. He continues playing with his hand and then his mouth joins. He takes one hand and goes down to my crotch. He rubs the palm of his hand on my sex and I start to tremble.
“Please…” the words came involuntarily from my mouth. But I really needed to say them.
I needed him inside me. Now.
He nodded and moved away from me. He grabbed a condom that was in his pants and put it on. He turned me around and let me feel how the tip of his erection stayed at my entrance for a couple of seconds. Preparing me.
I swear I can feel how my blood flows in every part of my body. I can feel our hearts beating, desiring each other more and more.
He pushed himself into me once. Nick, shuddered, bit my neck, swallowing his moan. But I didn’t hide it, I let out all the pleasure he gives me.
He came out and came in again. My sex clings and throbs on his erection. He starts to move faster and more roughly. The room fills with our moans… Poor neighbors.
I scratch his back when he squeezes my breasts and continues with his thrusts. I’m breathing with difficulty, I mean, I don’t understand how I’m still breathing.
He stops touching my breasts and takes my thighs, lifting my legs a little higher…
Mother Teresa, holy…
I tilt my hips higher to feel more. Which actually works.
After a while, we’re both sweaty and about to reach orgasm. I held on as long as I could, but I can’t anymore, I’m about to climax. A guttural sound comes out of my mouth after I come with him still inside me. He seemed relieved and did the same. He laid on top of me and put his face on my hair. Having enough air to kiss the top of my head and my lips. I can’t even breathe properly, the orgasm makes it impossible for me to move.
After several minutes of panting, Nick, lay down beside me and took me to accommodate me on his chest.
“You… owe me a lot of new clothes,” I whispered over his neck and he, kissed my forehead.
“Yes, tomorrow we’re both going to buy you a lot of clothes,” he replied
“Why do you want to go? I thought men didn’t like this stuff about accompanying their girlfriend to the stores,” I said quite surprised. Besides, my clothes are sacred. I choose them.
“I have to help you choose the clothes I’m going to rip off this month,” he replied, smiling with an air of superiority. “You’re authorized to buy lingerie if you want, darling.”
I hit his chest and kissed him on the cheek and then behind the ear, then whispering to him…
“Just for saying that… I’m going to buy elderly underwear.”
“You would still turn me on with elderly underwear,” he says quickly. He lowers his hand to my buttock and squeezes it. I let out a kind of squeal and wrap my leg around his waist.
“That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I muttered sarcastically.
“Yep, I’m a sweetheart,” he moves my hair from my face and pinches the bridge of my nose.
“Idiot,” I say laughing.
“Beautiful,” he says seriously.
“Rough.”
“Sexy.”
“I love you.