“Who was that?” I looked at Nick in disbelief. How could he ask me that question after he was making out with Cady right under my nose?
“My history professor,” I said tersely.
“And what else?” he asked, irritated.
“Nothing else. He’s my history professor, just that,” I said exasperated.
“Clarify that with him or I will.”
“What will you do? Hit him? No! Maybe kill him?”
He didn’t answer. His silence scared me quite a bit. He must have noticed that because he said, “I’m sorry, Sam.”
Sorry for what? Did he feel what just happened? Did he feel that he saw the scene with his girlfriend, Cady? Does he feel like he lied to me? Does he feel like he caused all this? What does he feel?
Since I didn’t answer him, we fell silent.
Some children playing in the park caught my attention. It was a boy and a girl. They couldn’t be more than 10 years old given their height. He fell on top of her and smiled. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and ran off as if he’d done something naughty. She didn’t move from there, yet.
Seeing them brought back memories of Nick and me together when we were little.
Frustrated, I rested my forehead against the car window. I wish I could go back to being that eight-year-old girl. That girl was happy, she had no pressures. Her only problem was whether it would rain the next morning so she could play with her friends.
Today that girl is gone. She’s nowhere. I lost her many years ago and I miss her.
When I opened my eyes, it was already night. I had fallen asleep. I straightened in my seat and my neck hurt. I had been leaning against… against Nick’s shoulder.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I said in a hoarse voice and rubbing my eyes.
“Because you look very peaceful when you sleep. Just to let you know, you drool and snore,” he gave me a half-smile. Was he trying to lighten the mood?
“I don’t snore,” I defended myself.
“Oh, yes you do,” we both smiled.
I have to tell him once and for all. I can’t go on, letting him hurt me and treat me the way he does, I mustn’t allow it any longer.
“Nick, I can’t continue with you in this way,” I avoided his gaze the entire time.
“But what did you say?”
“Do you expect me to be with you when you have a girlfriend?”
“You’re confused. I never told you I would be in a relationship with you, I never promised you anything. And I think it was quite implicit that we didn’t have a relationship because you already have a boyfriend. Besides, Cady is not my girlfriend, she’s a girl I hang out with. I don’t need a relationship, better yet, I don’t want a relationship.”
My breathing started to sound too shallow. The car suddenly felt like a very enclosed space.
“What about you being in love with me? And yesterday when we slept on the couch and you told me not to regret everything I told you?” I don’t know how I could speak when I could barely breathe.
He was the one who fell silent, staring at me knowing that any moment I was going to panic. Although I already did – “Did what I told you yesterday mean anything to you?!” I shouted at him.
He remained silent. I started to bite my lip, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to show how much his words and his silence hurt me. How naive I was.
“I hate you,” I whispered. I know he heard me because he gripped the steering wheel very tightly, but besides that his expression remained the same.
I took my backpack and quickly got out of the car. I didn’t even bother to close the door. I was desperate for some air.
After taking several deep breaths, I walked towards the house. Instead of going to my room, I went to the bathroom. I leaned on the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I remember doing the same thing after kissing Nick. The girl then and now were completely different.
I was pale, my eyes were full of undropped tears. My lower lip was red from biting it so hard. My nostrils were flaring from frustration and how furious I was. Not at him, at me. I am the fool who thought we could be something more.
I turned on the faucet and wet my face. The tears mixed with the droplets of water on my face. I curled up in a corner and allowed myself to cry.
The tears stopped. I don’t know how long I’ve been in the bathroom but it feels like hours.
I’ve never paid much attention to this bathroom. It’s so different from the one at my house. Everything in this house is so extravagant and luxurious.
The bathroom is too big. It has white marble walls and floor. The shower is spacious, located in a modern glass cabin.
An elongated rectangular sink with a suspended cabinet, supported by the wall. A large framed mirror above it, giving a rustic touch to the place. In each corner of the sink, there are yellow flowers placed in a tall red vase that make them stand out a lot.
A couple of wooden shelves next to the shower with towels and toiletries.
To my left is the brown lacquered door, and to my right there’s a simple black toilet and a window with green insulating curtains.
The room is very bright, there are four modern floor lamps in each corner of the room. Also, a spotlight above the mirror. And a hanging ceiling lamp.
My cell phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I took it out, it was Millie. I took a deep breath and answered
“Millie, how’s everything going?” I said trying to hide in my voice that I had been crying.
“Please tell me that jerk didn’t hurt you again,” Sometimes I hated that she knew me so well.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled.
“You’re going to have to, if you don’t want me to take a plane there,” As crazy as it sounds, I knew she would do it. This girl is capable of anything.
“He didn’t do anything to me.”
“Yes he did.”
“He just cleared things up for me.”
“Tell me exactly what he clarified.”
“That he was never going to be with me. That he doesn’t want a relationship, just fun.”
“And he told you this after you kissed him and almost made it? What a damn bastard. I swear if one day I have him in front of me I’m going to…”
“It’s okay, Millie. Don’t worry. It’s better this way, anyway what kind of relationship could we have had? He’s my stepbrother.”
“I did some research and legally step-siblings can marry,” she said.
I stayed silent for a few seconds. Is it legal? Isn’t it incest? A lot of questions and -could- passed through my mind, then I remembered what Nick said in the car and all of that disappeared.
“I’m not interested,” I simply said.
“Okay, just saying.”
“I’m sorry, Millie. I have to go. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I got up after ending the call and looked at myself in the mirror one last time before opening the door and going to my room.
From now on, I’m going to focus on the only thing that should matter to me. University.