“Now you’re my mother?” he mocked.
“No, Nick, I’m not your mother, but I would be more comfortable if you wore your seatbelt,” I tried to sound as polite as I could. He grabbed the seatbelt and put it on.
“Happy?”
“Can you tell me what’s wrong now?”
I was already irritated. I wasn’t going to endure the whole trip if he kept acting like this.
“Nothing, Samantha, nothing’s wrong. Just that today isn’t a good day for me to be bothered.”
Was he bothered? Is it bothering him that I care about him?
“So now I’m the one bothering you?” I risked asking, knowing very likely the answer wouldn’t please me.
“Yes, Samantha, right now you’re bothering me.”
“Well, why keep bothering you, right? Stop the car,” I commanded, looking out the window. I could still catch up with Eva, but Nick didn’t even slow down. “Nick, I’m telling you to stop the damn car.”
“Calm down, Samantha, breathe.”
Just then, I heard the sound of the car door lock clicking.
“Wait until we get home, then you can throw all the tantrums you want.”
“Tantrum? What did you say? I’m telling you to let me out!” I yelled, trying to open the door.
“No. Stay still and stop talking like that,” I swear I’m going to kill him.
“Now I have to talk the way you want? Or can’t I talk?” I said, crossing my arms and looking straight ahead.
I was behaving in a truly unbearable way. My day started like shit and it’s ending the same way. I should be at university, learning, preparing for my future job, my future. I shouldn’t be here. I was at a point where I was about to start kicking and crying like a small child.
“Right now, the latter.”
There was no point in arguing with him now. I just want to get home and lock myself in my room.
After a few minutes, we arrived. Nick opened the car, I took out my backpack and left, slamming the door. I walked quickly towards the stairs. Nick was following me, but I didn’t turn around. I opened the door to my room and closed it forcefully. A few seconds later I heard Nick’s door open and close. He was as angry as I was. Right now, I felt like going and telling him everything I think of him just to get rid of a bit of the anger pent up in my body, but I didn’t have the strength. I lay on my bed, exhausted.
Why do I do this to myself? I have to let him go, I have to focus on my studies and nothing more. That was the idea from the beginning. But unfortunately, I have to have a stepbrother who drives me crazy and it’s in the good way, and the bad one too. What am I supposed to do? Go back to Portland? I have no future there, and just thinking about being so far away from Nick makes my stomach churn.
When I finally decide to take a nap and stop thinking, I hear Nick’s door open again. Is he leaving again? Knowing him, I won’t see him for days and he’ll skip university. I got up immediately and went to look for him. I ran down the stairs and saw him at the entrance door putting on his jacket.
“Are you leaving already?” I murmured nervously, getting closer to him.
“And why should that matter to you, Samantha?”
“It… It matters to me, Nick,” He looked at me and laughed ironically.
“Really? It matters to you? Ah yes! I remembered! It matters because we’re family, right? Well, sorry to tell you sister, but I’m leaving.”
“Of course, you always leave, don’t you?” I murmured. I didn’t expect him to hear, but he did, slamming the door shut forcefully, causing me to be startled and give a little jump. He then looked at me furiously and approached me.
“Do I always leave? Are you fucking serious?” He shouted hysterically.
“Yes, Nick! I’m serious! You always leave!” He ran his hand through his hair, he was exasperated and so was I.
“Forgive me, let’s refresh your memory a bit, shall we?” He said, swaying back and forth like a madman. “When you kissed me, the first time you did it, who was the one who said ‘I can’t do this’? Yeah, it was you, so don’t come and tell me that I always fucking leave.”
“And the other day in my room? After what you did to me you left angry, if I remember correctly I did nothing to cause you to do that!” What I was about to say wasn’t entirely right, but I didn’t care, I was too angry. “And also when we were children you left! Oh! Don’t you remember? Well, I do, you kissed me and you left! You never said goodbye and you never talked to me again!”
“You don’t know what happened to me that day. You have no idea…” He stopped and I wasn’t going to let that happen. Finish what you started.
“What, Nick? Enlighten me!”
He grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled it. “You have no idea what it’s like for a child to cry and beg every fucking night for months to get you out of my head because being in love with you was a damn sin! Damn!” His voice broke along with my heart. Feelings of guilt flooded my chest, he had also been in my head for a long time. When I kissed Martin for the first time, Nick appeared there. Reminding me that never. Ever, no one was going to be like him. “And yet you were always there, Samantha. You were always there.”
“Wait a minute, what did you say?” I managed to stutter.
But he was already gone.