“Come in,” a man said, I assumed it was a drunken version of Nick.
“Are you sure we’re alone?” the girl asked, slurring her words.
“Of course,” he said.
No, you’re not alone, jerk! I’m here.
After 5 minutes the giggles and murmurs disappeared, so I opened the door and there was no one in the hallway, only Nick’s door was ajar. Screams began to come from Nick’s room. I decided to peek in to confirm what they were doing. I was right, he was on top of her naked. She had her hands on his back and her legs around his waist. I let out a small squeal and covered my mouth, Nick turned his head and saw me. I turned around and ran to the kitchen, staring at the wall, still with my hand over my mouth.
I feel a sharp pain in my chest. This pain is unlike anything I’ve felt before. Tears run down my cheek, I’m crying. I never cry, I always try to be strong and not cry, but this time the tears can’t stop. I didn’t even cry when Martin broke up with me, and am I crying over this? Over him?
I heard quick, heavy footsteps coming down the stairs, it was the girl who was with Nick, she passed me crying, opened the front door and left. I heard quick footsteps coming down the stairs again. It was Nick, I turned around. I didn’t want him to see me cry, I hate doing it in front of people and I didn’t want to do it in front of him. I didn’t want him to feel so important in my life as to make me cry, even though I felt like he was.
“Hi.”
I didn’t answer, but he continued. “I’m sorry for what you saw there, it won’t happen again.”
I kept staring at the wall without answering. “Come on. As if you’ve never seen a guy naked…”
I still didn’t answer, even though the answer was quite obvious. “Have you really never seen a guy naked?”
“No,” I merely answered.
“So, you’re a virgin?” I didn’t answer. He bellowed things I couldn’t understand, except for the last part. You shouldn’t have looked.
“I’m going to my room, I’m sorry for spying on you and interrupting you,” I hurried to say heading to the stairs, I wanted to run, but he got in front of me blocking my way. “I want to pass,” I didn’t look at him, I just focused on the floor. Nick grabbed my face between his hands and it was enough for me to melt between them.
“You’re crying.”
I couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“I’m not crying, don’t think you’re so important that I would cry for you. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” I pushed him aside and hurried up the stairs.
I entered my room, sat on the bed, put my hands on my face and cried, I wanted to stop the tears, but I couldn’t. Someone opened my door and slammed it shut, I knew it was Nick.
“Get out of here right now,” I said with a choked voice and my hands still on my face, but he didn’t respond and I think he didn’t move either. Angry, I stood up and pointed to the door: “Get out of my room right now!” He still didn’t move. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
“What’s wrong with me?” He approached me roughly and aggressively. When his chest touched mine he spoke again, “Do you really want to know?!” I could smell the alcohol and the girl’s perfume; it made me sick.
“Yes, I want to know! This morning you treated me like shit! Now you come and pretend to be worried about me?! Don’t fuck with me! You know what?! I don’t care what you have to say to me, if you want to hate me do it, I don’t care, now go!” I yelled at him, scratching my throat. I’m furious, but that didn’t matter to him because he stayed close to me.
“Do you think I hate you?” Nick whispered. “I don’t hate you.” He looked at the floor with a frown.
“If you don’t hate me… Why do you act now as if you do?” I said, my voice breaking.
“I… I just can’t be around you, Samantha,” he slurred his words, he was drunk, I forgot for a moment.
I walked to the door and opened it.
“Go,” I merely said. He nodded and left, I closed the door hard, lay on the bed and thought. Why did he sound so hurt when he said he can’t be around me, just hearing the tone of his voice when he said it tore my soul.
My heart races just seeing him, sometimes I have this impulse to hug him, but I know I can’t, these feelings are not right.
I woke up around eleven in the morning, I looked in the mirror and my eyes were swollen, I was pale. In short, I looked disgusting. I was hungry so I put on my jeans, a t-shirt, and my sneakers. When I opened the door Nick fell on my feet, it was clear he had fallen asleep at the door.
“Nick,” I called almost in a whisper touching his shoulder, he took my hand and pulled me to his side, I didn’t know how to react, my face was hot and my heart was beating too hard.
I turned my head to see that he was still asleep. I was an inch from his mouth, I could brush my lips against his, I felt a great need to kiss him. He’s my stepbrother, I can’t do this again. But I want him, I want him too much; I kept brushing his lips with mine until my breathing started to become stronger and agitated, I moved my face closer to kiss him. It felt so good, warm, soft, and they felt incredible. His lips connect perfectly with mine, I wanted to stay like this forever.
I pulled away for lack of air and opened my eyes. He was looking at me.