A few weeks have gone by faster then I imagine, things have been weird between Nicolas and I lately. I spent most my nights laying in bed next to Nico thinking of many possibilities why he hasn’t wanted sex, why he hasn’t been communicating with me. I craved affection not just him running a hand down my back, I wanted him to pound inside of me.
The kids and I have gotten way closer, surprisingly Faust and I have too. Since I couldn’t talk to Nicolas about anything I somehow confided in Faust, we seemed to be good friends. Deborah hasn’t been around at all, Faust said it was fashion month in Paris. I don’t understand how a mother could just leave her children for a whole month.
I sat on the bed watching Nico dress for work, I’m basically over here all the time. I sleep here every other day but things have been so awkward between us that I’m thinking about staying at my house till he makes some type of effort proving that he actually wants more of me then just small pecks on the lips.
What are you thinking about, angel ? He asks while clasping his watch to his wrist.
Things have been so bad between us. I whispered while my hands fidget together.
I’ve just been busy. Nicolas turns his back to me. I strolled over to him, I gently wrapped my arms around his back.
Talk to me. I begged.
He turned around in my arms, I was now holding his waist. His hand lifted up holding my cheek, I titled my head just so I could kiss him. He responded to my kiss, he was kissing me soft and gentle but I wanted more. I’m not some gentle flower that he paints me to be.
I ranked my fingers through his short hair, I tugged him closer while my other hand tried to unbutton his shirt but he immediately pulls away.
I said not yet, Adora. Nicolas said, angrily.
I’m not some fragile piece of glass. I said back just as equally angry.
I never said you were, I just don’t want to move fast. Nicolas turns to look away.
You don’t even look me in the eye anymore, you barely touch me. Every time I’m here you go to the office and make strange calls with the door closed. My voice croaked, my eyes became watery. I just noticed that all his actions indicate that he’s hiding something.
His face softened, he tried to step closer but I backed away. I wiped my small tears before hugging myself, I faced my back to him
I’m going back home and I won’t be coming back. I mumbled.
This is about sex. His face scrunches up.
Really ? I screamed with hot tears trailing down my cheeks. This is about me being in this relationship alone, I’m always fucking alone.
I’ve just been bus-
Stop lying to me, when you man up and tell me the truth you know where I’ll be.
Of course, wrapped in my cousins arms or any man that shows you a bit of affection. He says angrily.
My breathe got caught in the back of my throat, confusion was clearly covering my face.
Come on everyone knows you have daddy issues, a blind person could see it.
My body automatically stopped moving, my head turned slowly to him. My heart broke with those two sentences, my head was spinning. His eyes softened, regret was laced through him.
I couldn’t even speak, my ears were buzzing. I grabbed my purse off the bed before storming out of there, I didn’t look back as I got in my car. So many thoughts kept flashing through my mind, I kept thinking that I did something wrong, I was damage goods.
I drove all the way home, I reapplied my white powder to cover any blemishes. When I walked inside I found my mom and dad sitting on the couch watching a movie, they were hugging and smiling. This gave me comfort, it reminded me when everything was perfect between them.
Hey cricket. My dad smiles.
I smiled back before dropping my bag and strolling over to them, my mom moved over leaving space between them for me. Once I sat down my mom brought her arms around me so did my dad.
Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend ? My mom asks.
It got boring. I told a complete lie to try and make myself feel better instead of saying he embarrassed me and also hurt my feelings.
You are just like me, sweetie. My mom kisses my forehead.
That scared me, I don’t want to be anything like her. I don’t want to be in a loveless relationship where I cheat on the man I once loved or the man cheats on me. Maybe I was destined to be nothing to anyone, just a body that could satisfy someone else’s body. Was my mom right ?
I didn’t say anything, we all continue to watch the movie. Towards the end of the moving I received a text message from Faust, I guess he’s having problems with putting the kids to bed. I excused myself and headed over to his house. The drive there I kept thinking, my head was hurting with all this thinking going on. When I arrived at the house the kids were running all over the place, Faust caught Livia upside down and turned around to face me.
I laughed. Did you give them soda after 6 ? I ask.
He frowns while nodding, I shook my head and grabbed Livia from his arms. Once Kenzo saw me he stopped running and jumped into my arms.
Adora we had coke, it was so good ! Kenzo screams.
I chuckled. I can tell.
I led them back to their room, I sprayed their pillows with a natural herb to help them calm down. Kenzo was the first one to fall asleep, Livia was still wide awake, she was just staring at the ceiling. I laid next to her, I rubbed circles on her arm trying to smooth her into sleep.
Do you love uncle Nico ? She whispers, her question took me by surprise.
Of course. I said, it wasn’t a lie I did have love for him but it’s a restricted kind of love.
Why doesn’t my mommy love my daddy as much as you love uncle Nico ? She turns to look at me, I turned to face her too.
I thought about when my dad first told me about the divorce, he didn’t smooth talk it but instead he ripped the bandage off.
I stroked her hair softly. Your mommy loves your daddy. I whispered. If it wasn’t because of your daddy then you guys wouldn’t be here and your mom loves you guys very much.
She nods her head before turning around so I could rub her back. After a while she dozed off, I made sure to tuck her in. I walked back downstairs, Faust was sitting at the dinning table with his hand against his forehead. He seemed to be very concentrated on the papers in front of him, his eyes found mine.
They’re asleep. I mumbled.
Thank you, Adora. Faust says.
Do you want me to make you coffee ? I ask.
Please, I would really appreciate it. He smiles softly.
I made a pot of coffee, I kept looking at him for some reason maybe it’s because he looked irresistible with his tie hanging on by a thread, his sleeves rolled up flexing his veiny arms. I grabbed two mugs, I grabbed the creamer for me since Faust liked his coffee black with nothing in it. I placed the mug in front of him, I sat next to him.
It was quiet as we both enjoyed our coffee. I ran my finger over the rim of the mug, I felt Faust’s heavy eyes watching me.
How’s things with Nicolas ?
This was the last thing I wanted to talk about, I masked my emotions with a hard expression.
Great, he treats me very well. My voice sounded flat.
Sounds like him, he’s always been an expert with girls.
My eyebrow shot up. Meaning as in ?
Nothing just that he’s had a good share of girls. Faust sips his coffee.
But he’s loyal ? I question, cautiously.
If he really loves you Adora, he wouldn’t think twice about someone else.
The thing is that I can’t read minds, I don’t know if he actually loves me but he claims he does. I frown at my thoughts, Faust caught up with my expression. He placed his hand on top of mine, his eyes locked on to mine like magnets.
He loves you, Adora.
Does he ? I mean after today, after last week.
I know. My smile was unsure.
We both just smiled at each other, his thumb stroked circles around my hand.
Faust glanced down at his watch. It’s getting late, why don’t you sleep in the guest room. He says.
No- I can drive home. I blurted out.
I insist that you sleepover, it’s dangerous driving at night and plus it’s pouring outside.
I glanced out the kitchen window, it was pouring hard outside. I bit my lip unsure if I should take him up on his offer, I just nodded.
Thank you. I whispered.
Of course, follow me.
I followed him up the stairs to the room, the room was right across from his room. We both tried to walk in at the same time, we got stuck in the middle. Our noses brush up against each other’s, my cheeks immediately turn pink, our eyes were glued to each other’s.