Takes me back twelve years to the first time I saw her. I was standing at the counter handing out some samples which she walked in the door. Something about the ding of the bell sounding different from the thousands of times before and l looked up just as she swept in, her curtain of blonde hair messy after a long day of high school but still shimmering in the afternoon light. Her face glowed with a smile, seemingly about nothing in particular, and in that moment I didn’t know it but she had stolen my heart forever.
“Can I help you?” says the man standing behind the counter, drawing me out of my reverie. It only takes a moment for the question in his eyes to linger, but then it clicks. “Xavier? Is that really you?” He shakes his head, as if to combine the image of me in his head with the person standing in front of him. He holds out his hand to me, awkwardly. It’s funny what the passage of time can do. Last time he saw me I was just eighteen. And he was my boss. Hardly the type of person he’d be offering his hand to. But times have changed and he knows why I am here.
“Hi Mr. Horsham, how are you doing?” I ask, taking his hand and giving his a good shake, then following up with a grin.
“I’m doing okay, Xavier, I’m doing good.” He hasn’t let go of my hand yet and I have no reason to pull away.
“That’s good, I’m glad to hear it.” There is another ding of the bell as a family comes in behind me. “I’ll get out of your way. I just wanted to come and see how you are doing.”
“No, please, stay for a minute. Can I get you something?”
“Sure, how about one of your famous banana splits. And don’t cheap out on the whipped cream,” I say giving him a wink remembering the hundreds of times he would tell me off for being too generous.
He laughs and steps over to the serving station. Someone comes from out back to serve the other customers while I stand there taking in the sights and sounds of my high school summers working here. It takes him less than a minute to put my sundae together and he gestures for me to follow him outside. It is still warm considering that the summer is in its very last days and the tips of the leaves are starting to turn. I let a mouthful of ice cream melts into a creamy puddle on my tongue before I swallow it.
“Xavier, I don’t know how to thank you-” he starts.
“No. Please. You don’t have to.” I cut him off.
“No, it has to be said. If you hadn’t given me that gift, that… loan, you know we wouldn’t have been able to stay in business. I’m not even sure how you knew about our troubles. I tried to contact you but… you never returned any of my calls.”
“It was the least I could do, Mr. Horsham. You helped me when I needed it most, and you taught me how much just one kind person can make a difference to your life. “”
“You know, I still regret letting you go that day. It’s just… those kids…” he says his voice dropping.
“No. It was the right thing to do. I know now how important it is to run a good business. And you always did. This place would not be the same without you. I did it just as much for me, for Langham, as for you, sir,” I say. I mean every word.
***
Banana split in hand, I find myself starting to wander down the street, the rental car left behind. I don’t think too much about where I want to go, just letting my feet take me where they wish. I walk down Main Street, taking in the new businesses that have spread out beyond the old skate park I used to take Brian to. There’s growth here, but it’s slow. Maybe that’s okay. Not everywhere has to be Manhattan.
It’s not long before I find myself away from the busiest part of town. The houses and buildings are more sparse, interspersed between empty land and trees.
In the distance I can hear the water crashing over the dam and I close my eyes and listen. There must’ve been some rainfall in the last few days. Even after all these years, I can tell what month it is just by the sound of the waterfall.
A car whizzes by and I open my eyes and continue on my walk. There’s no doubt where my feet are taking me now. I don’t fight it.
The trees grow thicker on either side of the road. There are bushes and branches I remember so well, I automatically duck to avoid the thorns as I pass them. The path is paved now though, no longer just dirt and pebbles and errant weeds under my feet.
It’s not too far now, my destination.
My body turns into the gap in the trees even before I really realize where I am. It’s more overgrown than I remember; I have to push aside some branches and my feet stamp down on the ankle-high weeds before I emerge in front of the lake.
But once I do, it’s like I never left.
I gasp, just like that first time. Just like her first time seeing the lake from this very spot.
No matter what time of day it is, the reflection of the sky off the water’s surface is breathtaking.
I sink to my feet and sit down in the long grass, looking out over the water. A bird chirps behind me, and I can almost hear the sound of Malynda’s twinkling laughter as she used to sneak peeks into the nests to watch the baby birds grow.
The first night I slept here, it was right under the stars. My mother had come home after a double shift, the twins were screaming, and Brian had slammed the door and locked himself in his room. As soon as I could I disappeared out the back door and ran and ran and ran until I ended up here. The chaos in my head was still so loud I could barely hear the water over the buzzing. I’d dived under the water, and it was only under there that I found silence.
I’d loved my little sanctuary out here.
I’d thought it was because I liked being alone, and that maybe that’s just the sort of person I am. A loner. A hermit. A romantic isolationist.
But then I brought her here.
Without knowing anything about her, without having ever really spoken to her, I brought her here. And I loved it even more after that. After all that time, I spent here before her, it’s her ghost that now haunts this place.
I should’ve perished in New York. After I moved there, to find her. I shouldn’t have lasted a week, a month, let alone all this time. And I wouldn’t have if I was really the loner I thought I was back then. It turns out, however, I just hadn’t met the right people. I think back to those who have been there for me all these years. And I wonder what I ever did to deserve friendships like those.
Eighteen-year-old Xavier was a fool. The self-imposed isolation only ever hurt me.
I sigh and I push myself up onto my feet.
One more place to go.
***