“No, no, honey! You had to leave, we BOTH had to leave! Our lives weren’t meant to be confined to that small town! You were destined for bigger things. My beautiful dancer girl,” he says, desperately, pushing back my hair, holding my face in his hands.
“But it ruined everything! Everything! I should’ve stayed and waited for you to come with me,” I scream, almost hysterical.
He doesn’t say anything and pulls me against him. The sobs wrack through my body so strong I feel like my bones are rattling.
“Shhhh, baby girl, shhhh,” he whispers, trying to calm me.
But I can’t be calmed.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I sob against his chest. Over and over and over.
“It’s okay, we’re here together now. It took a little longer than expected. But I found you.”
I pull away and look at him and I see it. I see what his mother was talking about.
The fear.
The fear that I put there.
That I can’t do anything to take away.
I sniff and wipe my eyes on the back of my hand, trying to control my breath.
“I… I need to go home.” I say, my body suddenly so tired I can barely stand.
“Come on, I’ll take you.” I can’t even argue, I just let him lead me out the front entrance, leaning against him as he gestures to the doorman for a cab.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head on his shoulder, listening to his breath and matching it with my own. At some point, I feel him guide me into a car and slide in next to me. He mumbles something to the driver and we slide into traffic, the momentum rocking me against him, my head against his chest, his hand on my back, soothing me.
“What happened? What triggered this?” he asks and I can barely answer.
“Your mother… said…” I struggle to say.
He sighs, deep. “Ah. I shouldn’t have brought you there. I thought… I thought she’d be happy to meet you. To know I found you.”
“She said… you…”
“Shhh… don’t listen to her. She is just very protective of me. She thinks she understands what happened, but she doesn’t.”
I shuffle back so I can look up at him.
“Xavier… did you… were you really trying to die?” His breath is sharp, surprised; then lips tighten for a moment while he contemplates his response. “Tell me the truth.”
“Malynda, trying to die and not having a reason to live, are two different things.” Now it’s my turn to gasp. “Wait, listen to me. Yes, I went through a time when I was just going through the motions. And I… didn’t want to be here. It hurt, Malynda. It hurt with every breath, to not know where you were, what you were doing, what happened to you. But there finally came a time I just got used to the idea, that I wasn’t going to have the same kind of life other men do. I wasn’t going to fall in love with another woman, have a family. That part of me was dead. So, I live a life most people don’t understand. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have meaning. Because it does. It just doesn’t look like what other people expect when they examine their own lives. And hey, Kaine’s life was just the same. And look at what he eventually found.”
“Do you… do you think fate brought them together?” I ask though I’m not sure I want to know what the answer is. I’m not sure I believe in fate. Mine has done me no favors.
“I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe sometimes, people defy the fate that was meant for them.” He looks down at me, and brushes a hair from my cheek.
“I love you, Xavier. I never stopped loving you.”
“I know.”
“How do you know? After everything I did. After all that time apart.”
“Some things transcend time and space, Malynda.”
I sigh and melt into him. His fate for having me in his life is even worse than mine.
Him
She feels like a rag-doll in my arms as I lead her down the hallway to her apartment. I know this building, I pass it almost every day on the way to work. And here she’s been all this time. I guess I wasn’t as alert as I thought I’d been. I thought I’d committed to memory every face that I’d seen in Manhattan these last twelve years, and in ways I have. I see people in restaurants I remember passing in a Barnes and Noble three years ago. I see women with new husbands, children turn into adults, widows with old flames all the time. I see them all. But I never saw her.
Maybe it was fate.
We come to a stop outside her apartment, and she hands me the key, her face almost white from bloodlessness. I don’t know what my mother said exactly, but it shocked the very life out of her.
I slide the key into the lock, but there’s no need. It’s not locked.
“Malynda, did you lock the door last time you left?”
She lifts her head off my shoulder. “Yes, of course. I always do. Why?” The hackles on the back of my neck spring to life. Something’s not right.
“Wait here,” I say, and she nods, confused.
I push the door open.
To complete and utter destruction.
“Oh my god!” she gasps behind me, her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide, scared.
The apartment is completely trashed. A bookcase in the foyer as you walk into her home is lying on the ground, its contents scattered all over the floor. Furniture is turned over, drawers pulled out and emptied. Broken glass and ornaments shattered and strewn everywhere.
Whatever they were looking for, they were very thorough. My hand is on my phone ready to call the police, but I need to make sure she’s okay first.
“Oh my god,” she gasps again. “What happened..?” She steps in behind me, her hand clutching at my arm, looking around at the wreckage of her home. “I’ve been robbed?”
“I… think so. Is anything missing?” I say, spotting the TV knocked onto the ground, its screen smashed. TVs aren’t the commodity they used to be, and it might be hard to carry one out of here without being noticed.
“I… I can’t even tell.”