I can’t help wondering what his life is like these days. In most houses, the furnishings and personalized touches tell me what I need to know about a person. In Xavier’s case, it’s the lack of them.
Is he lonely? Is he just passing through? He seems attached to Ash Industries and this city. I wonder how long he’s been here.
All answers I want to know about him, but not willing to answer the same questions myself.
“So, what do you think?” he says, when I come full circle of the apartment and return to where he’s standing. He seems to have regained his composure.
“You really want me to do this?” I ask.
He seems shocked by the question.
“Did I ever seem like a kidder to you? Yes, I really want you to do this.”
“Fine. Then if we’re going to do this, we need some rules.”
“Shoot.”
“We can’t talk about the past.”
He doesn’t say anything; there’s the slightest tension along his jawline but he holds his tongue. So I continue.
“I don’t want you thinking that there will be anything past this. I’m doing this to fulfil my commitment to Ash and Jade and their foundation. Once it’s finished, we’ll go our separate ways.” The word ‘again’ hangs silently in the air.
“Anything else?”
I’m surprised as his brusqueness. “No.”
“Well, I’m a lawyer, so, I’m going to need to counter offer. I get one question a day. About the past. No follow ups, just one question. But you have to answer honestly. 100% honestly. Without fear of repercussion. Do we have a deal?”
“What about the last part of what I said.”
“About going our separate ways?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not going to hold us to something I don’t want either of us to want.”
“Xavier!”
“Malynda. Whatever happens, happens. Can we just agree on that?”
The words sound amiable, but I know enough of this new Xavier to know, that there’s no point in arguing this point. I will just have to be the one who controls what happens.
I nod.
“Let’s kiss on it?” he asks with a wink.
“Xavier!” I exclaim, shaking my head as he laughs. “So where do we start?” I lift my hands in surrender.
“With my question for the day.” I hold my breath. “Have you been in New York City all this time?”
I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I guess I’m not surprised it was this.
“Yes.” 100% honesty.
“Wh-” he starts.
I hold up a finger, “One.”
He sighs, “I think I was out negotiated. Do you have a question for me?”
“Yes,” I nod. “What the hell are we going to do with this place?”
He winks and starts to walk, calling over his shoulder. “What else? We start with the bedroom.”
Him
I can still smell her.
Everywhere I walk in my own apartment, I can fucking smell her.
After twelve years of searching, of whys and where is shes and what ifs, of nightmares and daydreams, she was in my home.
Smelling just like I’d imagined she would.
Lilacs and vanilla. Ice cream. Just like she did all those years ago.
She hasn’t changed, at least in that respect.
But I have.
Or have I?
Has she noticed any difference in me? Or am I still the same lanky, love sick dog I always was to her? Does she even care?
No. I know she does. I felt the way her breath would stop every time I came too close, the flush rising up her cheeks giving her away.
Then why, WHY has she come up with these ridiculous rules? Are they to protect her or me?
And her answer to my question.
Yes.
One word. Telling me everything I’d dreaded to hear. That she’s been here in New York this whole time. But I already knew that. Or else I wouldn’t have spent the last decade the way I did.
Roaming these streets, searching for any sign of her. Reluctant to ever leave in case today would be the day.
Now she is back and as lost to me as ever.
***
A buzz on the makeshift nightstand made of books wakes me up. I sit straight up, jolted out from a foggy dream, the dark horizon telling me it’s still early. Earlier than I normally wake up, which is earlier than most people. Who the fuck is texting me at this time? It’s either Kaine, wanting to meet me at the office for a dawn work out session, or a text scammer, who will be sorry they ever found my number.
I tap on the screen to check the number.
It’s Malynda.
Can you meet me some time today to go over a few furniture choices?
She’s kidding me, right? That’s what she’s thinking about at 5:12 a. m.? And I thought I was a workaholic. I tap a reply.
How about I meet you at the drugstore to get you some sleeping pills? Go back to bed.
The response comes back in less than ten seconds.
Xavier.
It’s one word, but I can hear it in the tone it’s intended. Hell, I can even see her hands on her hips as she’s giving me the eye. Hey, if she has the audacity to wake me up at this hour, then I at least get to have some fun with it.
Shhh, I’m still in bed. But you’re welcome to join me.
Xavier!
Yup, I can hear that one, too.
Stop laughing.
Apparently, she can hear me as well.
Fine. Yes, I can meet you. It will be my pleasure.
Don’t be expecting any pleasure.
Just that of your company, Malynda.
Isabella.
Yeah, you can bring her too. the more the merrier.
That shut her up. I drag my body out of bed and walk to the bathroom. My apartment might look sparse, but I actually spent a lot of time renovating the interior to some very exact specifications. The first being a bathroom you could have a Roman orgy in. Specifically, an inordinately large shower with a custom-made rainfall shower head and two side shower nozzles and water pressure that could be used for torture by the CIA. It can be also be used as a steam room, with a bench that runs the length of one side of the cubicle. The walls and floor are laid in Pompeii Scarpeletto, a gray Italian natural stone, that is smooth and cooling against my skin. Healing to the touch. And after my sparring sessions with Ram, I need all the therapy, hydro or otherwise, that I can get. While others prefer to layback in a whirlpool tub, I prefer that the soreness is massaged out of my muscles by shower jets.