I hate that he likes her, loves her as a sister. I hate that he smiles when he speaks about her, even if it’s completely platonic.
I hate that when he leaves, it will be to go to them.
So, I just sit and nod, letting the words wash over me, trying not to ruin the happiness in his voice when he speaks about his family.
Even now, barely speaking to Kylian and Kingsley, and Damien never picking up his calls, I know in his heart of hearts, he believes that all will work out.
Matthias Baxter is an optimist.
Who would’ve thought it.
As for me, I don’t have family, except for those at the club. And it takes Matthias to show me, I’d walk through fire for them.
And if that’s not family, what the fuck is? Matthias: Lunch? The roof? Too public.
Me: For what?
Matthias: Eating my lunch Me: You’re insatiable.
Matthias: Just trying to match you, little hellion. Be there in 30 minutes.
Me: Hurry up, it’s going to get cold here naked waiting for you.
I smile as the phone buzzes again and I can’t wait to see what names he calls me when I see the text isn’t from him.
It’s from Gerry. “Be at the Boathouse in the Park in 30 minutes. Meet me or you’ll be sorry.” And I know my time is done.
CLARISSA
D
read and shame swirl in my stomach like a whirlpool of deceit.
I cancel my lunch meeting with Matthias, even though it kills me to.
I go, I go to see Gerry to tell him once and for all, I’m not in this with him. Whatever little sick duo we were, buoying each other up with our own desperation, is over.
I’m not the Clarissa of a year ago.
He’s already there, I can see him from two hundred feet away, and I force myself to keep moving forward.
“Hello, sweetheart. You’re early. Eager to see me?” he says, raising an eyebrow.
“How is it that every single word that comes out of your mouth makes me want to throw up?”
His smug grin falters for just a moment, but the devil knows no shame. “Because that’s what people like. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. You came to me because you want to feel dirty.” “That’s because you are dirty, Gerry. I came to tell you, I don’t ever want to hear from you again. ” He shakes his head and reaches for my hand.
I snap my hand back. “Don’t touch me.”
“He’s turned your head. Where is that firecracker that came to me that night asking for help?”
“I didn’t come to you for help! You took advantage of me in my lowest moment! And I wasn’t a firecracker. I was broken.”
“And I put you back together.”
“No, you stomped on my broken pieces to make the foundation for your very own playground. I might feel like Damien did wrong by me, but he’s not the one I hate.”
“I’m sorry to hear you say that. Because I told you I’m going to destroy them all. One by one. Starting with your precious Matthias. So, you choose what matters more to youMatthias the man, or
Matthias the Director of the Americas division of Baxter?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Just what I said. It’s your choice. I tell my dear nephew, warn him, that his new fiancee is a conniving slut, or you help me take him down. You don’t have to do anything more than tell me if you find something that is a little shifty, a little not quite right, something the public wouldn’t like to learn about their precious ‘most eligible bachelor.’ He’ll do that on his own. All you have to do is find it.”
He’s crazy. This isn’t just a little familial rivalry, this is about destroying him. “You’re out of your mind, Gerry.”
“No, I’m smart. You think when you laid in my bed, skirt up around your waist, taking it like a bitch in heat, I didn’t keep a little insurance?”
I gasp, covering my face with my hand. He wouldn’t.
But he would and we both know it.
“You are vile,” I choke out. “Why are you doing this to me?” Nothing is making sense. This is beyond anything that I thought he was capable of.
“Didn’t you hear me the other night? I want you. I might even love you. And I want to break him. Two birds.” He leans in, and I can’t move. I’m frozen. “I’ll be hearing from you soon. You looked amazing in that dress, by the way. Remember what I said. It’s your choice, sweetheart. I look forward to hearing from you.”
My arms come up around me, hugging me tight. But the cold doesn’t go away.
And I’m worried I might never be warm again.
An hour after walking around the city trying to clear my head, I return to the club. There’s a paper bag sitting on my desk.
The fragrance of tomato and garlic emanate from it, and I know, without opening it that it’s wild boar ragu pappardelle from Via Carota. My favorite. One of the times we went there, they had run out, and I was grumpy for the rest of the day.
Matthias.
Still worrying about me even when I’m not here.
I open the bag to look inside and take out the slip of paper lying on top of the food containers.
A chuckle bubbles out of me despite my mood when I see he’s scribbled a picture of a Caramello Koala on it with a speech bubble. “I can’t wait to spend some Koala-ty time with you. Miss your smile and brimstone, sweet hellion of my heart.”
Then there’s a crude picture of him eating me out.
I let myself enjoy the moment before I tuck the note away in my desk. And try to figure out which fork of the road I’m going to take.