31

My meds from the doctor.
I take one, with a silent prayer that they’re going to kick in, fast. I tuck the bottle into my pocket just as there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in,” Matthias calls out. “That’s Paula. Don’t be scared. She’s a PR rep. She’s supposed to be mean.”
I find out over the next half an hour that Paula is anything but mean; if anything, she deserves a medal for having to put out all of Matthias’s fires.
It takes Matthias a few minutes to convince her that he isn’t playing a prank with her. Frankly, I didn’t blame her. He can’t be serious if his life depends on it, which, considering how serious Paula is about her job, it does. If I received a dollar for every time she says, “Mr. Baxter, I don’t have to remind you how serious this is,” I wouldn’t have to worry about working ever again.
But finally, after rigorous intervention and confirmation from me, she believes that he and I have voluntarily entered into an agreement, and we spend the next twenty minutes talking about how we’re going to make this all work. It starts with a schedule for announcing our engagement. There are going to be a lot of questions. The least of which is going to be about why Matthias, notorious playboy, is now engaged to his brother’s ex-ex-fiancee.
The answer we agree on is that we started seeing each other a little after I moved here. As old friends, it hadn’t taken us long to realize we had feelings for each other. My problem is what will we do if Patrick decides to talk to the media about his relationship with me.
But when I bring it up, Matthias just fixes his eyes dead ahead and says, “I’ll take care of Pat.” He doesn’t invite any questions.
Based on the plan we agree on, in the next two weeks, Matthias and I will make some public outings, soft launching our relationship. And in maybe two weeks, we will leak the news of our engagement.
It all sounds very clinical.
Just the way I want it.
It helps me remember that this is just about business, about doing each other a favor.
At one point, though, while we talk about when we should actually get married, I go a little quiet. Matthias must notice because he reaches over and squeezes my hand and gives me a little smile. “Okay?” he asks.
Not really. But I will be. At least the thought of marrying him doesn’t fill me with the dread that I’ve been pushing down since I met Patrick.
If anything, I don’t have to do that.
“So, I think that’s it for today. I’ll look into a few things and get back to you,” Paula says as she gets up. “It was very nice to meet you, Clarissa. I look forward to getting to know you more.” She’s warm and genuine, and I see why she must be good at her job. Baxter Enterprises doesn’t hire anyone but the best, after all.
When it’s just us alone, Matthias lets out a big sigh and sinks back into the couch.
I follow suit.
My head feels a little better since taking the medication, but I’m suddenly feeling bone tired.
“Paula seems nice,” I say to break the silence.
“It’s all an act. It’s her job,” he jokes. It’s clear how much he likes and trusts her.
But it still makes me chuckle, and having a plan makes me feel a little more at ease with what we’re doing. “It’s a hard job. I hope she gets handsomely rewarded for it,” I say, already knowing that she is. Baxter Enterprises is one of the companies with the highest employee satisfaction.
“We pay well. We make sure of it,” Matthias mumbles, eyes closed. “You’ll see. I’ll make sure you’re paid well after this.”
The comfort we’ve experienced in the last few minutes fizzes into instant tension.
“What?” I ask, my voice tight.
He opens his eyes and looks at me, uncertain. “It’s why you’re doing all this, right? You know I’m going to pay you an obscene amount of money? I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”
My stomach fills with hot lead. “Fuck all the way to fucking hell, Matthias.” I jump to my feet and storm out of the office, ignoring the looks from everyone on the floor, and run toward the row of elevators.
“Clarissa!” Matthias shouts as he follows me. Something in his voice almost stills my feet, but then I remember what he said and my feet move even faster under me.
“I said, go to fucking hell, you asshole!” I shout without turning around. I don’t want him to see the tears streaming down my face.
I don’t even know what I’m angry about. Isn’t what he said the truth? Aren’t I marrying him to get what I want? Isn’t that what I’ve always done? Isn’t that why I’m in the situation? It didn’t bother me with Damien, and it didn’t bother me with Patrick.
But something has changed.
Hearing Matthias break our arrangement down like a transaction felt like a spear to my heart.
Not what was said, but who said it.
I’m going crazy.
Why am I so upset for getting what I always wanted?
“Clarissa!” He catches up with me. Grabbing my wrist, he spins me around so that I’m facing him.
Electricity instantly sparks between our eyes.
“Let me go!” I shout.
He grits his teeth as he anchors me. “No. Don’t run again. God, just stop fucking running.” His face is shrouded in confusion. “Tell me, what happened?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see his employees surreptitiously trying to back away.
But he doesn’t care.
I try to rip my wrist out of his hand, but he just grips even tighter. “You hurt me!” I fling the words at him.
And he could only hurt me if I let him. If I cared what he thought about me. How did I let this happen?
“How? What did I do?”
My top front teeth bite down so hard on my lip, I draw blood. “You said… it like you can just buy me.”
His shoulders drop in regret. “Oh, Clarissa. I didn’t mean that.”
But I don’t hear. “Matthias, if I had a choice, I wouldn’t do this. But sometimes, to get what we want, we have to do the hard things.”
His hand cups my face, and he looks anything but pitying. “Shhh, I know, I know. Do you not know how incredible I think you are for everything you’ve done since your family did this to you? Do you have any idea?”
I don’t believe it. I can’t. No good can come of it.
“Clarissa. Look at me. God, look at me.” His hand grips my chin and forces me to look at him. “Do you think I would say that to you if I didn’t mean it? Me? The person who used to drench you with water balloons? The person who drove my brother to your house to dump you? Do you honestly think this is something I would say if I didn’t mean it from the bottom of my heart?” Stop. I need him to stop.
“Matthias… stop. Please. You don’t have to say these things.” I don’t really feel like being on the end of Matthias’s sweet nothings. I’ve had too much of nothings. I just want to feel something real.
He ignores me. “I think you’re fucking amazing for everything you’ve done. I’m proud of you,
Clarissa.”