I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling praying for… something. My body shakes. I want to give him more. Savor it. Turn him over and cover his body with mine. Watch him cum over and over again.
His hands reach for me and my chest aches as I fight the urge to reach out.
“That’s all for tonight, Sunny,” I say, my voice soft but firm. Come here. I open my arms, ready to push that disgusting mattress to the floor and hold her all night.
-What do you mean by that? -He turns to look at me.
“I mean, that’s all. For tonight. I run a hand through my hair, pulling hard as anxiety takes over me.
You’ve already fucked this up, you fucking horny idiot.
“I’m not going to do anything more while you’re angry with me.” I do not want to hurt you.
“You would never hurt me.”
A sigh escapes me. Hearing her say that hurts me physically. It undermines all the guilt I like to walk around with because she’s right. I would never hurt him.
“It’s complicated,” is my stupid response.
She sighs.
Things with you always are. His hand runs over my forearm. Tell me what’s wrong, Jas. I can see you going crazy in there. -He points to my head with his chin. He’s always known when I’m going crazy. It’s like I have a sixth sense.
“I just… I like it…” ” Fuck.” I have no problem telling any woman what I like sexually. Is power. It’s control. It’s watching you do exactly what I tell you. It’s not just sex, it’s proving to myself that when I tell someone what to do, the result is good. I can make it damn good for them.
-What do you like? “His eyes are wide open, his face so perfect, his tone so accepting.
I would hate for her to see me differently. I love her, but I’m afraid of changing us in the process.
-Talk tomorrow. Go to sleep. My body hums. I may have given him a hand, but all I did was make myself nervous again in the process.
He looks at my face for a few moments. A frustrated laugh bubbles from his lips, his head shaking on the pillow as he bends down to cover his body with the sheet.
“Well, at least you’re consistent about how you’re terrible at talking about your feelings.” He turns around huffing and mutters, “Boys are so fucking stupid.” Thanks for the orgasm.
“It was a good one, wasn’t it?” “You don’t need to confirm it.” I know it was. I felt it too.
I’m met with a few seconds of silence and then a frustrated, Ugh , before she curls up and gives me the silent treatment.
I smile. At least he’s by my side. Pissed off and on a child-sized mattress on top of the perfectly spacious double bed is better than across the room and uncomfortable.
I lie here thinking about how this whole night is our quintessence . Ups and downs, pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness. Secrets and truths.
With Sloane the rest of the shit in the world doesn’t matter because when I’m by her side, I always feel good. It calms me down. She calms me down. He always has.
She is that person for me.
I’m out of my depth with her, but this is Sloane. My Sloane. No matter what happens, we are there for each other.
My Sloane.
I think about it again and God, how good it feels.
I wake up with Sloane’s body on top of mine. His scrap mattress hangs off the edge of the bed because he clearly pushed it away in the middle of the night.
The last time I woke up like this with her, I ran away with my tail between my legs. But today I don’t have that inclination.
Instead, I lie here and enjoy the warm pressure of her body, her soft breasts pressed against my chest, and her fingers spread over the tattoo I got to remember her.
It’s my favorite tattoo.
For my favorite person.
I can still feel how his body tightened around my fingers last night. The way he got wetter when I made him admit that he was thinking about me while he was with someone else.
There’s definitely a part of me that got turned on by that too. Watching her fall apart with her ring on her finger was satisfying.
Fucking.
And satisfying.
A giggle rumbles in my chest and Sloane stirs. I swear I see consciousness take over her, how every limb comes to life, how her hand comes out from under my shirt.
“Ugh” is the first thing he says when he separates from me.
I can’t help but laugh.
“I’m glad to see you too, Sunny.
“You and your multiple personalities are already giving me a headache, Gervais. “He gives me a look that might make some men wilt, but I… I don’t think he can do anything that will scare me.
“I’ve heard that orgasms can help,” I respond, refusing to be discouraged by her mood.
Mocks. Or maybe he laughs. I’m not sure, because he’s already getting up and heading to the bathroom. My eyes roam over his torso and the black cotton shorts he so easily tossed aside last night.
My cock thickens as I watch her round ass walk away.
This morning I feel every year of our pent-up frustration and wonder why I bother resisting when everything about us seems so damn inevitable.
23
jasper
Jasper: Any news?
Harvey: Still nothing.
He doesn’t talk to me while we pack our things. He doesn’t talk to me in the car. He doesn’t talk to me all the way from the mountains to Violet’s farm in Ruby Creek.
Sloane turns up the radio and stares out the window. Right now I can see her doing the same thing in her head that she always says she can see me doing. She’s scared and I can’t blame her. I’ve put a lot on him.
His father being a piece of shit. Me hiding my feelings for her.
Then I made her cum on my fingers while making her admit that she was thinking about me while she was fucking her fiance.