He’s being a real piece of shit. You know? His voice is harsher now, clashing with her soft femininity. It’s a fascinating dichotomy. Like I could… I don’t know, throw a tantrum and stomp on his foot or something equally childish. I am so disappointed .
-What did he said? I ask briefly, wishing I hadn’t, knowing it will make me hate the man more than I already hate him. Knowing that it will tear the scab off an old wound.
“She included Sterling in the message and told me to do my duty as a wife and come home immediately. -She snorts and I fume in silence. His face appears in my mind and I imagine stabbing him with my blocker. I responded with the only thing I’ve said directly to either of them since you took me out of that church.
I raise an eyebrow, waiting for him to share his response.
“I told him that I’m no one’s wife and that I don’t owe either of them shit. A strangled laugh leaves my lips and she smiles at me, very satisfied with herself. You can think about it while I continue to ignore you.
No, Sloane doesn’t need my approval. But damn, he has it anyway.
King-size bed or two twins? Or separate rooms? “The woman behind the counter looks at me in a way I’ve seen a million times. As if he recognized me, and… as if he wanted me.
I don’t feel particularly comfortable with any of those looks. That’s why I don’t take off my cap and try to blend in with the landscape, which is difficult to do at 1. 80m tall in the lobby of a small hotel with no one around.
I look at Sloane, who is next to me, and bend the brim of my cap, wondering when it might break from the repeated pressure.
Sloane is looking at the woman. She did it when she was younger, when she was unabashedly in love with me. Beau made fun of me for it, and I had to tell him to shut up so I wouldn’t embarrass her.
“We will take…
“Twins,” Sloane says as he continues to stare at the woman with a lost gaze. She looks at me from behind dark lashes, blonde strands sliding around her temples, and gives me a shy smile and shrugs. It’s more fun.
Fun. I wonder who for, because the more time I spend alone with her, the more it seems like torture. Like a video of missed opportunities. Of me being unconscious. Of being too cowardly to pursue her when he had a feeling of something else.
But being paralyzed by indecision is not new to me. The only place I don’t feel it is on the ice, between the tubes.
That’s when I feel like I control my life. I feel safe there somehow.
Spending another night in the same room as Sloane feels a lot less safe than somehow dealing with flying chunks of frozen rubber.
For four seconds, images of her and I tangled together come to mind. Skin sliding over skin. She moaning my name. I think about bending her over the back of the hallway couch and pulling those leggings down her firm thighs, telling her exactly what to do while I watch.
And then I force myself to stop.
Here are the keys to your room. She slides a small envelope across the desk, and I can hear the woman talking about Wi-Fi passwords and where to eat, but I turn to look out the windows at the crystalline glacial lake. I’m too tired to focus on anything other than that the water is the exact color of Sloane’s eyes.
I was wrong about heaven. I was wrong about the eggshell. It is the glacial lake.
I see her everywhere.
A gentle hand on the center of my back brings my attention back to the charming lobby of the small boutique hotel.
-Ready?
With one of our bags in each hand, I nod and let Sloane guide me. Her slender figure steps ahead of me to walk down the hallway.
“Apparently there are only rooms on the main floor right now.
“I just need a place to sleep for a while.” I was going to get you your own room.
His hand passes over her shoulder, ignoring the comment.
This way we save money.
I almost laughed. Neither of you needs to worry about saving money. I know – like when I was younger – that Sloane keeps me close because she cares about me.
He stops abruptly, looking between the envelope in his hand and the number on the door.
-Here we go. He swipes the card and, with a soft beep, the door opens.
We enter the room, and it is nicer than I expected, spacious and with a sliding glass door that opens onto a small patio facing the aquamarine lake. Best of all, the beds look very good.
Without saying a word, I cross the room, take off my shoes, leave my coat and cap on the floor and lie down on the bed closest to the windows.
I fall asleep looking at the crystal blue water. I daydream about the girl with the crystal blue eyes.
13
jasper
My dad and I are usually the ones who take out the quads, but he won at the casino yesterday. So today he bought two more so we can go on family adventures. We live in a two-story house and at the end of the month we eat a lot of macaroni and cheese.
Dad loves his toys and never hesitates to spend on them.
After the typical Sunday family dinner, we’re going for a quick walk. We may not have enough money, but we are happy.
And it’s funny.
The light is golden, and so are the leaves falling from the trees above the ditch. Fall is in the air, but it’s warm tonight, it’s almost hunting season, and I’m looking forward to it with my dad, too.
We cleared a covered sewer and I took a breath, smiling. I hear my little sister, Jenny, laughing loudly behind me, and I can almost imagine her light brown hair slipping behind her helmet as she picks up speed.
Their new unit is smaller, lighter, and more maneuverable than the one Dad and I drive. Mom’s looks like some kind of Barbie with its neon pink paint.
I look back and see my parents wandering behind Jenny while I go ahead, weaving along the walls of the ditch.