Just friends.
A few strands of her hair get tangled in the beard on my cheek when she lies in front of me, but I leave them there and prefer to breathe her.
“Well, this bed is small.
I chuckle.
-It is. The bed is usually too small for my six-foot-five, let alone anyone else.
The silence lasts too long. Too much.
-I’m bothering you? Do you want me to go?
My heart beats against the cage in which I keep it locked. How can Sloane bother anyone? He has to be the least annoying person in the world.
“No,” I stammer as I bend down and wrap my hand around her delicate wrist, as if preventing her from even thinking about leaving.
“Okay,” she breathes, sounding relieved.
We fall into silence again and I let my mind wander to what she must have been feeling these past few days. We’ve been so involved in my life – Beau, hockey, me punching the walls like an angry teenager – that I haven’t been able to give him the comfort he might need.
“Are you sad, Sloane?”
He shifts and turns his head to look at the ceiling, giving me a darkened view of his profile. Her hair comes loose, and my fingers twitch on her wrist with the instinct to run them through the silky strands, to rub my cheek across her like I do when we hug.
“I mean, of course. I know Beau isn’t my best friend, but he’s my cousin. Some of my best memories are the long, sweltering summer days I spent here with all of you. I’m… devastated. -His voice breaks a little and I see how his eyelashes flutter rapidly.
She’s so close I could reach out and hug her. But I do not do it.
“I meant…” I stop suddenly. His name does not belong here in the darkness with us. Wedding.
She hums thoughtfully as she runs two fingers over her lips before pressing them firmly.
His cheeks round, and it’s like he’s trying to push the smile down.
-No.
“Are you trying not to laugh that your big fancy wedding is going to shit?” I laugh softly, turning on my side to look at her.
A grunt escapes him, and now he covers his mouth with his entire hand.
-No!
“You’ve always had a fucking sense of humor.”
His body shakes with laughter and he gives me a look of mock offense.
-I have not done it!
“You laugh at the most inappropriate times.” You know you do. I point at her playfully. You laughed about that time Rhett fell out of the flame and broke his arm as a child.
He laughs harder.
“He deserved to be laughed at!” I had nothing to do riding that flame. And the way he clung to her long neck made him look like a big dumb koala or something.
She’s huffing now, snuggling into me, and I can’t help but laugh with her. He really looked like a big, dumb koala.
“And it wasn’t even an impressive fall!” It just collapsed in the most lackluster way. I’ve seen him fall worse from an enraged bull and come out totally fine.
Giggles hit us hard on our walk down memory lane, and I wipe happy tears from my eyes as I stare at the stucco ceiling. God, we had fun here as kids. It is good to remember. It’s good to laugh.
It’s good to be here with someone who knows some of the happiest days of my life. We have been in a routine of games and training this week. I think Sloane has been dancing for fun in a spare room at Summer’s gym and then tending to Harvey. We are all hiding. Entrenching ourselves. Trying to keep things normal, but failing.
He sighs deeply and continues, “Anyway.” No. I’m not sad about the wedding. I’m relieved. It’s not horrible? All I feel is intense relief. Am I going to hell for admitting it?
My thumb brushes the bone of his wrist. What I feel about their wedding falling apart into nothing is also intense relief.
“Nah.” If you’re going to go to hell for that, then I’ll definitely be there for all my shit too.
He yawns and his body softens next to me; she must be very tired.
“Hell would be fine if you were there with me.” She stiffens. I didn’t mean…
Since I don’t want her to reconsider anything I say, I interrupt her.
“Hell might be fine if we’re stuck there together, Sloane.
The crunch of his head against the pillow tells me he agrees. And then I give in to that little voice in my head. The one that tells me I need it.
I pull her body against mine, my arms wrap around her and our legs tangle instantly.
“Good night, Sunny,” is all I say as I bask in her comforting warmth.
A moment of silence passes and then she sighs.
Good night, Jas.
10
jasper
Harvey: How’s your hand?
Jasper: How do you know?
Harvey: I’m old. Not deaf.
Jasper: Okay. I’m fine.
Harvey: No, it’s not. None of us are. But do you know what will make you feel better?
Jasper: What is that?
Harvey: Fixing my wall. There is putty and a putty knife on the door.
Jasper: Sorry, Harv. I’ll fix it. Fiance.
Harvey: All good, son. Have you seen Sloane? His door was open, and his room was empty. 😉
…I was wondering…well, I was thinking…Sloane looks at me from under her eyelashes, her hands wringing in front of her. Is awesome. It has grown so much since last summer that I can hardly believe my eyes.
I came to the ranch for Easter dinner and I didn’t expect him to be here. Most of the time we only see each other in the summer because, living in the city, she is busy with dance and school and I am completely immersed in maintaining the position I have on the Grizzlies’ main roster.
I was about to leave when she ran after me to the door.
I lower my voice and rest my hands on her shoulder to look into her eyes.
“Is everything okay, Sloane?” You are getting me nervous. Something has happened? You know you can tell me anything.
“Oh!” No! She laughs loudly, her cheeks rosy as she brushes her loose blonde hair behind her ears.
A pit of terror grows in my stomach. They are the eyelashes. Flush. The nervous way he plays with his hair. And the fact that Harvey, Violet, and my brothers are basically watching from the living room.
I’m no stranger to the fact that Sloane has fallen in love with me. But I have pretended not to see it. Because shit is a lot less awkward that way.
-OK. She smiles nervously at me and my stomach churns. I’m just going to say it. -Take a deep breath-. Will you go to the dance with me?
Now she’s not the only one blushing. I feel like my whole face is on fire.