“No-one,” she shrugs, turning to smile.
The door closes, and for a moment, I’m frozen, unable to process the memory of what’s just happened. Then something snaps inside me, and I collapse to the ground.
The stalled air I’d been holding expels from my lungs in a gargle.
It’s over. We can never recover from this, never go back. It all meant nothing. He had moved on.
I start to sob uncontrollably, sitting on the street.
Danny Walker had opened me up and sliced my heart down the middle.
***
I sit on the sofa with Cat, Suze, and Julie watching me. I was in such a state, Cat collected me from Richmond and escorted me back to the flat.
“Jackie.” Cat’s shocked eyes find mine.
“Yes.”
“Seriously, Jackie?” She repeats an octave higher.
“I know she’s beautiful, but she’s just so annoying. I just can’t believe he went there.”
I shrug, wiping my tear-stained face. I’d been crying so much; my cheeks were red and sore.
Suze stares at me from her position on the floor. “He was so into you.”
“He had such an issue with dating people that work for him.. so he does it again? It doesn’t make sense.”
I let out a joyless chuckle. “He’s the CEO. He can do what he likes. He sees something he likes; he takes it.”
“I knew. I saw the signs. I’m so stupid.” I let out a sob, and Cat puts her arm around me. “He had a new girlfriend every 2 months. What was I expecting? That he would sit around and pine after me?”
“This is all my fault,” Julie whispers from the corner, her eyes to the floor. “The story, your break-up. I’ve fucked up everything.”
I lean over and take her hand. “No, Julie, it’s not. You didn’t make him move on with Jackie. If he can move on that quickly, it wasn’t what I thought it was.”
“You need to get back to normal.” I laugh at her through tears. “This being nice to me is freaking me out. You’re supposed to be telling me to put my big girl pants on and deal with it.” She flashes me a small relieved smile.
“What will you do?” Cat probes gently. “Are you going to turn down the job in New York?”
I pause. “I’m going to take it, I think. The time away will be good.”
“By yourself?” her eyes are wide. “Is now the best time?”
I look between them. Part of me wanted to quit Nexus to never have to see Danny Walker again. But part of me wants this job; I worked for it. It’s mine. Just because he has cast me aside doesn’t mean I should give up on everything else.
“I’m saying yes.” I nod firmly. “My name didn’t come out in the article. In fact, it could easily be Jackie. People would believe that. This feels right… a new start. Three months away to clear my head.”
“I just don’t like the idea of you being about by yourself right now. I’m worried about you … you’re so… distraught.” Cat stares at me. “I’ve never seen you like this.” “I’ll be ok.” I smile sadly. “This will be good for me.” She nods, half convinced. “When do you leave?”
“I need to work through the details with them, but they say I can come over in the next week. I can work from the New York office and start part-time in the design role while I do a transition plan for my current tasks. They are going to merge my role into the Nexus team, so this suits them perfectly.” I give a joyless laugh.
“Turns out Danny was right. They would have chopped my role and made me redundant. Maybe he was trying to do me a favour.”
Later that night, I decide there’s something pressing I need to do if I have any hope of recovery.
Danny, I want to apologise for the embarrassment I’ve caused you through this article. None of this was my intention. I sincerely hope you and my brother rebuild your friendship. The last thing I wanted was to come in between that. We made a mistake, but I’m sure you will agree that for the sake of Tristan, we must be civil and learn to be ok with each other… perhaps even someday we can be friends. I’m taking the job in New York so you won’t have to see you… We are both moving on, and that’s for the best. I hope you will still let me take the position regardless of all the drama I’ve caused. I won’t be the brat I used to be. When we meet again, it will be as if things never happened.
I send it to his personal email address rather than my phone. That way, I won’t know when he’s read it.
It’s done.
Then I lie back in the bed and stare lifelessly at the ceiling.
I was lying in my email. I’ll never be able to move on from him. From us.
Charlie
One month later.
“And so these are what the core features would look like,” I explain, proudly tracing my hands over the writable whiteboard.
“We would need to do user research with some of our existing customers, but I know ones that would love to be involved. They’ll give us honest feedback then we can refine the prototype.
I look down at Joe and hesitate.
“Brilliant,” he says, giving me the full force of his pearly smile. How is it that every American in New York had a Hollywood smile? It was giving me a complex.
He gets up from his seat and studies the whiteboard. “Seriously, Charlie, they are brilliant. Solid visions for the product.”
I beam up at him. Joe is classically tall, dark, and handsome. I’ve met a lot of those types in New York. It’s a sausage-fest of pearly white square-jawed muscular men. Nice to look at for a fleeting second, but they did nothing to mend my shredded heart.
It’s the first smile that has reached my eyes in weeks. Since before the night I found Julie crying on the sofa.
“So you’ll be able to do a prototype with these?”
“Absolutely. We’ll work on them tomorrow and showcase them to Karl on Thursday?”