I heard this line almost every day of my life, in supermarkets, parks, bus stations, houses, planes, dentists, any open space you can imagine. You would never get that in Cork.
“Pilates is a very normal way of keeping fit,” I explained. “Janey has every right to do it in her garden.”
She sucks in a breath, “That strip show isn’t normal at her age! It’s immoral. Who deals with these types of matters, the council?”
“Do not call the council, Mum,” I warn. “They will tell you off for wasting their time. Again.” “Just ignore it-” I start.
“Betty, get out,” she roars down the phone.
“Charlie, I have to go; the rabbits have broken out and are running riot.” I stare up at the ceiling. Why does Tristan never get these critical calls?
“But before I go, I have more news.”
“Oh yeah?” My ears prick up. I sense I’m not going to like the sound of this.
“I am coming to visit you this Saturday before Tristan’s 40th dinner party”.
“We just celebrated Tristan’s 40th; how many parties does he need?”
“Don’t be childish, Charlie,” She tuts. “This is for family and close friends. He barely got to speak to us at the last one.”
“Expect me at 10am”. The phone goes dead before I can retaliate.
Family and close friends. So not only do I get to spend the workdays being iced by Danny Walker, now I get to spend my Saturday night doing the same.
Everything is too closely intertwined. I need to move cities.
My phone buzzes again. It’s Cat.
“I just checked Mark out on Facebook,” she announces breathlessly. “You have to see this.” Mark is my online date for this evening in an attempt to stop obsessing over Danny Walker.
“Oh god,” I groan. “What is it? Is he married? Girlfriend? Gym selfies? Skinny jeans? Satanist?”
“No, nothing like that!”
“Is he a chav?” I ask. “Sometimes, I don’t mind a bit of chav.”
“No, listen, it’s not that,” she says excitedly. “Charlie, he is gorgeous. I mean, drop-dead gorgeous. Stop dead in the street and wet your pants gorgeous.” “Really?” I ask suspiciously.
“Look, the class is going crazy here. I need to go.”
“You rang me in the middle of teaching?” I ask in wonder.
“That’s how gorgeous he is. You needed to hear. I’m sending over his profile link. You need to do some serious prep for this date, and I am not talking about a simple leg shaving, gotta run.” I zoom into his contact photo and sit up.
Oh. This guy is smoking hot.
“Cat told me he was a HC?” An email flashes in my inbox from Suze.
I smile to myself. Yes, definitely in the hot-cock category.
Imm. Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone tonight.
I will have to leave early, nip to the shops then home before our date.
If Danny Walker thinks I’m going to sit around pining after him, he has another thing coming.
***
I leave work early to self-administer every possible beauty treatment I can in the timeframe.
Hairs are threaded, plucked, bleached, waxed, and tweezed. Skin is toned, cleansed, moisturised, exfoliated, and sandpapered.
I was as hairless as a Sphynx and smelt like a branch of The Body Shop.
I’m wearing a fitted skin colour dress that I spent a fortune on that gives the illusion of nakedness.
I know it screams sex.
My lip liner is painted to maximize my full lips, and my eyes are dark and smouldering.
The dress curves around my breasts in just the right places. It’s my best come-fuck-me look ever.
“If you can swing a second date out of this one, Charlie, I’ll be impressed,” Julie says as the girls inspect my ‘natural’ tan.
“He’s 6’3. You need to wear tall heels”. Cat adds.
I turn around. “So he says. He could be lying on his profile.”
“I looked at his profile pictures on Facebook and ‘gram. He looks 6’3”. She inspects my new bra that pushes my breasts to my chin. “Isn’t that a little stalker-ish?” The girls roll their eyes.
“Nonsense,” says Julie. ‘You never go on a date without checking every form of social media first”.
“Sounds worse than the government. So what else did you find out about him?” “Nothing much,” she shrugs. “He dresses up as Roxanne sometimes.” “What?” I snap.
“I’m joking,” she giggles. “Why are you so on edge?” “I’m waiting to find out the catch,” I explain.
“Don’t be so negative,” Julie tuts. “There doesn’t have to be a catch.” “There is always a catch,” I grumble.
Charlie
I walk into the Regency hotel feeling more confident than I have in weeks.
It’s the latest London hotspot for suits, models, and influencers, dripping in decadence and dark lighting that could make anyone look seductive.
It also happens to be the venue of choice for this evening’s management team outing as it’s conveniently the next street over from our office.
The hostess smiles at me.”What’s your reservation under?”
I smile back. “Mark, table for two.”
She reads down the list then nods. “Right this way. Mark is already here”.
Thank god, I think as I follow her. At least Danny Walker won’t catch me all dressed up sitting alone.
I stride across the bar, my heels clicking, and do a mental high five as some of the men’s heads turn.
I daren’t look around the bar in case Danny and the senior team are here yet. I’m not supposed to know they are here.
She leads me to a candlelit table where a dark-haired muscular guy is sitting, and I silently inhale sharply.
His photo wasn’t lying. This guy is gorgeous.
His eyes go wide as he gives me a slow once up and down.