I try to kiss him, but I’m too nervous and aroused. I swallow air, whimpering against his mouth.
He lifts my left leg and wraps it around his waist. I’m still fully dressed, including my Doc Martens.
He slides his hard, thick cock into my wet opening, and I gasp at the sudden sensation. My core flutters with pleasure.
“You okay?”
I nod, unable to form words.
His eyes hold mine as he pushes his cock deeper inside me. His mouth ajar, he lets out a shuddery breath, closes his eyes, and presses his forehead against mine. “Damn. I’ve wanted to do this since I first set eyes on you.”
The sight of him so worked up, the feel of him filling me up, his words… I’m in danger of collapsing on the floor.
“Fuuuck.” A growl rumbles from his throat as my muscles clench hard and territorial around him.
“Ahhh,” I moan as he thrusts. I can’t speak. All I know is that this is my new favorite feeling in the world.
His full lips fall open, and he groans my name. It’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. “You feel so fucking good. Amazing.”
My hands roam all over his chest, desperate and amateurish. I don’t care.
His voice. His skin. His smell. I need it all.
My shallow moans and mewls are joined by his deep grunts. His eyes hold mine as he drives into me, hitting a spot so deep he can’t possibly get any deeper in me.
I grip his neck for support.
Killian Quinn is fucking me. Killian Quinn’s dick is inside me. I’m so full of him that I can barely remember my own name.
His mouth slackens, and his face softens as he loses control. Seeing him like this just pushes me over the edge even more.
I’m so close.
So, so close to exploding.
“I can’t hold it,” he says through a ragged breath. “I’m going to come. Fuck.”
He groans low and deep. His face strains, his jaw grinds, and a muscle in his forehead jumps as he tries to hold out, waiting for me to orgasm.
But he can’t.
His face contorts with a mixture of pleasure and pain, and his mouth hangs open as he releases into me with a final jerk, holding my hips in place so I can’t move.
I close my eyes and hold him tightly as his body relaxes against mine.
He drops my leg, but his cock stays inside me, keeping me pushed against the wall.
I let out a heavy breath, pressing my head against his chest.
Then something… changes. The air changes, the mood changes… he changes.
His whole body stiffens under my touch. He breaks the embrace, pulling out of me. Now he can’t even look me in the eye.
He clears his throat. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”
“W-What?” I stammer, trying to keep up with his words. “What do you mean?”
My heart thuds as I wait for him to smile.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he says, not meeting my eyes as he discards the condom in the bin and pulls up his boxers. His mouth forms a hard line. “Forget this happened.”
Is he for real?
I stare at him for a long moment, trying to figure out what to say, but he ignores me.
I feel sick.
“Are you going to look at me?” I cry.
When his gaze meets mine, regret stares back at me. He almost looks disgusted. It’s painful and ugly and… heartbreaking.
“I’m sorry, Clodagh,” he repeats, his voice thicker this time. “I’m really fucking sorry.”
He leaves me propped against the wall with sticky thighs and tears in my eyes, feeling more shit than I ever have in my life.
Luck of the fucking Irish.
Clodagh
“You’re an idiot,” I whisper to the bathroom mirror.
My bare, pasty face stares back at me with its red-rimmed eyes, blotchy cheeks, and a charming new zit as the cherry on top. Lack of sleep, sleeping with your boss, champagne sweats, and being rejected by your boss equals hormonal meltdown.
Blasting hot water over my skin in the shower for twenty minutes did nothing to cleanse my shame.
Fucking. Idiot.
I can’t believe I fucked him. I’m the stupid nanny maid who drops her pants for her boss less than two weeks into the job.
I wish I’d never invited him to yoga.
I wish I’d never stormed into his bedroom.
And I really wished I hadn’t let him use me for a convenience fuck.
I wish the whole damn day had never happened.
Now he has all the power. He marched into my studio, made me beg for him to fuck me, then discarded me like a moldy, rotten spud. He had barely pulled out of me before the revulsion took over.
Bastard.
I twist my wet hair up in a bun with a towel, then walk out into the bedroom and curl up on the bed with my hands wrapped about my knees.
I stare at nothing, feeling my eyes well up with tears again. All I can see is the disgusted look on his face, his words repeating in a loop in my head.
Besides the advice of using rubbers, Granny Deirdre warned me never to let a man control my emotions. I thought I was smarter than this.
I swore I wouldn’t let another man make me feel worthless again. My ex walked away with most of my savings and chipped away the self-esteem that I had built up since leaving school. He threw a huge grenade into my life and left a big, ugly hole.
Now Killian has the power to do the same.
What if he doesn’t want to see me again and gets rid of me?
My phone pings. Mam on the family group chat. It’s dinnertime back home.
I stare at the picture of Mam, Granny Deirdre, and my brothers eating dinner until my eyes are too wet to see it properly.
It’s my youngest brother, Mick’s, sixteenth birthday.
For the first time since I landed in New York, I feel homesick.
***