***
And the dreams!
Sometimes she woke up screaming, other times, crying. On one occasion she’d woken up to an intense orgasm after an erotic dream about Skull. That had left her totally shattered because she’d ended up being so horny and angry and strangely, ashamed.
After her initial queries about a man with a skull tattooed on his forehead, Tanesha stopped asking because it had occurred to her that if for whatever miraculous intervention, Skull had survived that bloodbath, telling people about who he was could actually put him into trouble. So she’d stopped asking. She’d become a shell. After a month of intense therapy, she’d finally gone back to school two days earlier. Everyone knew there was not going to be a problem at all catching up after two months of absence as Tanesha was a really bright student.
But the Tanesha who joined her class was a totally different one. She didn’t talk much. Even her crazy friend, Caroline, couldn’t get Tanesha to be lively. Lance, the boy she’d started dating before her kidnap, had stayed by her side, been supportive, and generally been a good friend even after Tanesha had explained to him that she wasn’t in the right frame of mind for a relationship. Lance didn’t care. He still stayed by her. Not only was he good-looking, but he was also a real gentleman and a good person…but he just wasn’t Skull.
“Oh, God…” Tanesha screamed into a pillow and then almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a knock on her door. She couldn’t bring herself to tell whoever it was to come in. But after a while, the door opened to reveal the worried face of her father. “Daddy…” She whispered as she quickly wiped her face.
“Oh, angel.” Her father breathed as he took in her wet face and puffy eyes. The former Prime Minister of Jamaica sat on his daughter’s bed and gathered her into his arms. He just held her, allowing her to cry her eyes out. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. So, so sorry.”
The impact on her family was much worse than Tanesha thought possible. What worried Tanesha even more was how withdrawn her father had become after what had happened to her. He couldn’t forgive himself no matter what Tanesha told him. He couldn’t believe his only daughter had gone through all that because of him. Tanesha tried as much as possible to look cheerful whenever her father was around but sometimes he caught her on a bad day…as was happening at that moment. Her family just wasn’t the same again. For one, they walked on eggshells around her, treated as if she were something fragile. It was so upsetting to see her once happy family so broken.
“I’m okay Daddy.” She said through her tears. “Really.”
“No you’re not” Paul Ashton countered. “Don’t think for one moment you’re fooling me with that artificial cheerful act you’ve been putting up. Listen to me, Tanny. I know it’s difficult but please try and put it behind you.” Paul told his daughter. “If you don’t become strong and overcome this, it will mean in a way you’re still a captive. Please angel. Do it for Daddy.”
“I’m trying.” She sobbed. She hadn’t told anyone about her relationship with Skull. And since she hadn’t gotten pregnant, no one could tell.
“Try harder. Please…” Her father’s voice shook so badly Tanesha lifted her head to look at him and gasped.
“Oh my God, Daddy.” Her strong powerful father…her rock… had tears streaming down his face. Tanesha had never seen her father cry. Never! She moved to curl herself up in his lap like she used to when she was a kid. “Oh daddy, I promise I’m going to snap myself out of this. Life must go on, right?” She couldn’t imagine how she could go forward without Skull and live but seeing how distraught her father was, she suddenly wanted to make an effort.
“I just want my daughter back.” Paul rasped. “I know I’m being selfish but please baby…”
“No, you’re not.” Tanesha shook her head. “Starting tomorrow, you’re going to see your old Tanny back. At least peeks…”
“That’s all I ask honey. I love you so much.”
“Love you too daddy.” Tanesha snuggled closer as she heard her bedroom door open. She didn’t have to turn around to know it was her mother.
Dora Ashton’s lovely fragrance, which had been ‘anais anais’ since Tanesha was a kid, wafted to her nose, making her smile. Her beautiful, elegant mother never ceased to bring her some inner calm whenever she was around. Tanesha felt her bed dip when her mother sat beside them and began to soothingly rub her on her back. When she heard her dad’s softly murmured thanks, she knew her mother had just wiped his tears away.
They were the most loving couple ever. Tanesha had always dreamt and wished for a relationship like what her parents had. Just her luck to be robbed of her first love. And from the way she felt about Skull, Tanesha didn’t think she would ever love any other man again. She’d already given her heart out and was never going to get it back. Tanesha gave a deep sigh and resolved to at least start getting out of the house, gradually get used to getting back that feeling of being around people.
So far, she hadn’t hung out with any of her friends like she used to. Going to school and lectures was almost mechanical. She would start going out alone for a while…get a feel of being outside the house and school, and then gradually begin to hang out with her pals again. That way, she would flow better with them. They had been so understanding and tolerant…giving her the space she needed. It was about time she started living…or pretended to, for her father’s sake.
It was about time she found a way to make it without Skull.