***
Chris sat at the bar with half a bottle of scotch and an almost empty glass in front of him. He’d woken up not too long ago, taken a shower, and come down to the bar to continue his drinking spree, which was all that seemed to get him going these days. And already, the full bottle of scotch was down to half, he shook his head disapprovingly at himself. But he didn’t push the bottle away.
He rather filled his glass. Chris just wanted to be alone…didn’t want any disturbances. His cell phone had been off since the day before so he had not been getting any calls to disturb his peace. Chris knew Shane would be worried, but he wanted to think. Thanks to therapy, he knew he had to make some tough decisions. It was bound to affect people…Shane, to be precise.
For some reason, Chris believed that the only way to ensure that he never hurt Shane again, would be to let Shane go. And he’d even told Dr. Murray his intentions. But after doing a lot of thinking, he’d come to the conclusion that he just couldn’t do the right thing… He couldn’t let go of Shane. Call him selfish but really, he’d rather die than live without Shane in his life.
Chris downed the scotch and poured himself another. The past two weeks had not been easy. It was very difficult, combining his work with the images that seemed to constantly flood his subconscious. All he had to do was close his eyes, and Shane’s badly beaten body would be there. He always had to make an effort to concentrate very hard on whatever he was doing because those images always succeeded in throwing him off whatever he was doing.
He’d been in the middle of a very important presentation about four days earlier and for some reason, thought of Shane. It was nothing strange. He thought of Shane all the time. All he did whenever he thought of the guy, was to smile and move on with whatever he was doing. Yes, Shane was a distraction sometimes, but it had never been a negative one.
But that day, immediately the thought of Shane had flashed through his mind, the images had followed. He’d almost disgraced himself by discontinuing his presentation. He’d had to pause, take deep breaths and water, before continuing with his presentation, to the shock of his audience.
Chris knew he couldn’t go on like that. Whenever he slept beside Shane of late, he couldn’t sleep. All he did was stare at Shane, unconsciously wanting to reassure himself that Shane was okay and not hurt like the image in his head. He’d therefore decided to start sleeping in his own house. At least there, he could finally get a much-needed rest by drinking himself to sleep, away from the prying eyes of Shane.
He’d given Shane some bullshit story about wanting to work from his place because of some documents he didn’t want to carry all the way to Shane’s. Shane had looked a little bit skeptical at his explanation but had accepted it. The only problem was that, with Kate back, Chris knew he couldn’t get away with that kind of lifestyle in his house either. Kate, his housekeeper, was a fifty-year-old sweet lady who loved to mother Chris sometimes. Chris wasn’t ready to face the disapproval he knew would be in Kate’s eyes if she noticed anything out of the ordinary so he’d decided to start using his plush suite at the Four Seasons Hotel instead.
What he did was go home to change for work each morning, pass through Shane’s briefly after work, and then drive to the hotel to drink the night away. So far, the routine had worked perfectly because whenever he was buzzed, the images didn’t come as often.
“Hey, handsome.” Purred Peaches, one of the sexy dancers for the hotel.
“Hey, sexy.” Chris grinned at the hot woman.
He’d hooked up with her once, years ago. She’d made it very clear she still wanted him but Chris had told her he was in love with a guy. That hadn’t stopped Peaches from coming to sit with him whenever she was free. Chris didn’t really mind as she’d made it her mission to ensure that other girls left him alone.
“I see you’re still drinking your life away.” Peaches said, grabbing the bottle of scotch and Chris’ glass. “Kev, bring me a glass will you.” She told the bartender as she turned to go. “Come on, Chris.” Peaches sashayed her way to a corner table, where there was a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast waiting. “Sit.”
“Peach…” Chris groaned but sat as instructed. Peaches could be pretty nasty when she didn’t have her way. “You know I can’t eat…”
“You can and you will, honey.” Peaches said sternly. “The egg is spicy so it will do you good. Come on, dig in before I sic the other dancers on you. You know they all want a piece of that fine body.” She grinned, drawing a chuckle out of Chris.
“Not the girls please.” He muttered as he picked up a fork. “Fuck, I hate this.”
“Honey, the fact that you decided to turn gay doesn’t mean I want to watch you harm yourself.” Peaches said, pouring herself a shot. “Who knows, maybe you’ll realize how much you miss boobs and come…”
“Never.” Chris laughed.
“A woman can hope, can’t she?” She asked, sipping her drink.
“She sure can,” Chris replied, wondering why he had given that vehement answer to the idea of boobs, seeing as he’d wanted to let Shane go.
Chris chuckled. He definitely wasn’t going to hook up with a guy after Shane. But he sure as hell didn’t see himself anywhere near boobs either. What made him think he could even pull that silly plan off, he asked himself with a scowl. Hell, it was not like he could drink Shane out of his system. He couldn’t wait to see Murray on Tuesday to tell him what he’d decided…not to do. The elderly man was going to be happy with his decision for sure. Fuck! What Shane must be going through not hearing from him, Chris thought. He pushed the plate away, suddenly hating the idea of food. Then he reached for his glass of scotch.
“Chris…”
“I’ve had enough. I need this now.” He growled as he took a sip.
“At least you’ve taken some food.” Peaches sighed, signaling a waiter to come and pick up the plate. Then she slid closer to Chris, set her elbows on the table and placed her chin on her entwined fingers, and stared at Chris.
“What?” Chris asked with an amused look.
“You have to stop this, Chris.” Peaches said softly. “It won’t help.”
Chris set an elbow on the table too and his cheek on his fist and stared right back into Peaches’ eyes. “And who made you an expert?”
“Chris?” Chris heard the last voice he was expecting, call his name, and sat upright. And the look in Shane’s eyes nearly killed him.