***
“Oh my God.” Shane gasped, his eyes going wide.
“Not to make excuses for him but, he wasn’t himself. Was under the influence of drugs. Had taken them for the very first time. We were having problems. Me, being my usual bossy self and he…let’s just say he wasn’t used to taking shit from anyone.” Kyle smiled. “So he went out with some guys, got smashed, and then…well you know the rest. I was…I was devastated. I still loved him, God help me, I did. But I had so much anger inside, it was eating me up. His situation was even worse. All that self-loathing was destroying him. We had to do something. Murray is one hell of a shrink. Trust me on that. He’ll help you.”
“Fuck.” Shane breathed. “Thanks for telling me. I appreciate it. Now I feel better about going to see him. I just hope he can help my case as he did yours.”
Kyle nodded. “I don’t dislike you, Shane,” Kyle said softly. “I just have a feeling you will hurt Chris. Maybe not intentionally, but…” He shrugged.
“I love him, Kyle.” Shane breathed.
“I know. But if someone hurts you as badly as Chris did, you unconsciously hit back. It happened to Aaron and I. I hurt him and he unconsciously reacted by doing what he did. But what makes your case more dangerous is the fact that Chris fucked with you when you were a kid. You’ve had to virtually live your whole life with that pain and hate. The day you will explode…” Kyle shook his head slowly. “It won’t be pretty. Dude, you’re a fucking ticking bomb…no offense.”
“None taken,” Shane responded.
“I fear for my friend.” Kyle moved closer to Shane. “You see, the guy is so in love with you he virtually looks like he’s under a spell. And because of what he did to you, he feels so guilty he’ll quietly take any shit you’ll give him. I’m sure even you can see that, that’s a hell of a dangerous combination. If you hurt him in any way, no one can pick up the pieces. And that’s scary.” Kyle whispered, and then stepped back from Shane. “So no, I don’t dislike you but I can’t also shake off the feeling that you’re going to hurt him real bad. And that’s driving me crazy.”
“Wow!” Shane breathed. “Chris is not the only one who feels that strongly about this relationship, Kyle. Even when I blamed him for all the pain I had to go through in life, I never stopped loving him. I know you’ll find that hard to believe but… it’s the truth. I don’t want to hurt Chris in any way. That is why I’ve finally decided to see a shrink. That should count for something, right?”
“Yeah, it does. And I’m happy you’re doing that.” Kyle murmured and went quiet for a while, both men lost in thought. “Is he seeing Murray too?” Kyle asked quietly.
Shane nodded. “He says he will.”
“Good. That’s the right thing to do. Listen, I know you feel fear. But know that such anxiety is a normal part of our lives, and lets us know that what we’re about to embark on is indeed a scary journey of self-discovery. Learning things about yourself is not always all joy and butterflies.”
“I’m not looking forward to it,” Shane muttered.
“I understand. But sometimes our demons need to come out as well, or those behaviors we almost wish nobody in the world knew about. So instead of fighting these feelings, it’s best to just accept them as a part of the process. That acceptance becomes one of the very first steps of not only getting help but also the psychotherapeutic process of change.
Because without making changes in your life, you’re not only going to feel bad sometimes, you may end up hurting the people you love.”
“I know.”
“The therapist isn’t there to judge you, Shane,” Kyle said softly. “Neither is he there to tell you how screwed up he thinks you are. His main job is to simply listen to you, and help you straighten some things out in your life. So feel confident and tell him your story. He’ll simply want to hear what the current problem is and where it all started. Of course in your case, he will ask you a bit about your childhood and family background, just to understand your development a little better. You have to focus on what’s most important to you and try and stick to it. That will help address your immediate needs.”
“What if I forget some important stuff?” Shane asked looking intrigued.
Chris chuckled. “You’ll leave your first session thinking you left out something important. Don’t let that worry you ’cause it’s something you can always talk about in your next session. It’s a chance to explore new ways of being, of thinking, of feeling and…” But Kyle trailed off when both men heard Tyron’s voice.
“Yo Shane.” The six’ four, sexy blue-eyed, hunky Navy Seal called out. “I’ve gotta bounce. Been called to an emergency meeting.” Tyron was with Aaron and Chris.
“It’s a holiday, Ty.” Kyle groaned.
“Which part of ’emergency’ don’t you understand?” Tyron laughed, drawing Kyle into his arms for a hug. “Let’s hope they’ll smell the alcohol on my breath and excuse me.” He laughed, drawing a snort from Kyle.
“Hey, thanks for inviting us to the party,” Tyron said, giving Shane a one-armed bro hug. “I had a blast. And that daughter of yours is adorable.”
Shane grinned. “Pleasure was all mine, man. Thanks for coming.” Shane said, turning to look at Kyle as he drew Aaron into his arms.
Tyron was talking to Chris so Shane continued to look at Kyle and Aaron. He didn’t have to be a genius to notice how much those two loved each other. He watched as Kyle nibbled Aaron’s bottom lip till Aaron moaned softly. Then Kyle teased Aaron’s mouth open with his tongue and expertly kissed him senseless, right there in front of them. It wasn’t a peck or a short kiss like Shane would have expected.
It was a full-on mouth fucking.
Chris turned around to look at the couple when he heard the moans. “Hey, cut it out, Kyle. There are kids around.” Chris admonished Kyle as Tyron smirked and turned to go, promising to call the guys to let them know if he could come back to the party. “Yeah, do that Ty,” Chris responded to Tyron and moved to where Kyle and Aaron stood with their lips still locked on each other’s.