***
Panic swirled within Shane’s chest, nearly suffocating him. “She’s not my wife.” He said quietly…desperately.
“As you pointed out, you don’t owe me any…”
“I’m sorry.” Shane’s voice sounded so anguished Chris turned to face him. “I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“You damn well shouldn’t have.” Chris’ voice was deadly quiet. To say Shane’s words had shaken him was an understatement. With those words, Shane had rubbished all that Chris had been feeling inside. Much as those feelings were a shock to his system, they grew every day and every minute and he was getting so used to them. Christ, he wanted Shane to be his with every fiber of his being so he welcomed those emotions. They felt good, pure, refreshing, and exciting. And Chris didn’t have any intention of giving it up… ‘Oh fuck!’ Chris groaned silently, shocked at his line of thought. What the fuck was he thinking? The man obviously didn’t feel the same way about him as he did. “I know what I’ve done is despicable and I’m the last person you should have around you but…” Chris shrugged. “That was low.”
“I know.” Shane sighed.
“Listen, I’ll just get out of your hair ’cause with all that I’ve done to you, you’ll be better off…”
“Chris…”
“Don’t worry, Shane. I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to see me right now…”
“Well, I’m not you, damnit,” Shane growled. “And you know me better than to think I don’t want to see you.” He sounded distraught and frustrated.
“Do I?” Chris’ eyebrow shot up questioningly. “I’m sorry I ruined your life. If I could go back in time and change what I did, I would in a heartbeat. But I can’t. What I said to you was cruel and I’m sorry, Shane. I know sorry isn’t enough but please know that I am. And for the rest of my life, I’ll never stop apologizing.” Chris sighed. “I don’t think you are worthless, Shane. Not even back then when I said it. I didn’t mean what I said. I…I had really strong feelings for you and I knew you felt the same way about me. But I also thought that what we felt for each other wasn’t appropriate and I knew my father would kill me if he got to know. I really tried to curb it but I wasn’t strong enough to stop the way I felt about you. Shane, I was terrified, but…I just couldn’t stop how I felt. At a point, I even thought the only way to get it to stop was to hurt you enough to get you to stop having any feelings towards me. I mean if you stopped being your usual sweet self, showing me so much affection, then maybe…all that I felt for you would cease…right?”
Chris buried his face in his hands and gave an anguished groan.
“But I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you.” Chris’s hands fell back to his sides with his fists clenched. “Then that night, things escalated to another level. For me, it was so good there was no turning back. And it wasn’t just the physical aspect. It was everything. The feeling inside…it was just too much. I just…snapped. You have no idea just how much I regret doing what I did to you. I’m so sorry. As for not deserving to live, if anyone doesn’t deserve to live, it’s me. I’m so sorry, Shane. I really am.” Chris looked so miserable, his designer suit didn’t even help conceal how defeated he looked.
Shane nodded, his handsome face filled with so much understanding and hope. “She was my best friend,” Shane said softly. “She is my best friend. Five years ago I made a big breakthrough in one of my businesses and she came over so we could celebrate. We got drunk. Then we fell asleep. I told you I never sleep around people. But I was drunk. Then…in the middle of the night…” Shane sighed. He didn’t need to say what happened. Chris already knew. “Lizzie was too shocked to wake me up…she heard everything. When I woke up, as I always do immediately after an episode, she was crying quietly beside me. She asked me who Chris was and I told her everything. I guess I was still drunk.” Shane gave a peal of humourless laughter. “She cried some more, I comforted her, one thing led to another…it never happened again. But that one time was all it took. Lizzie got pregnant.” Shane smiled then. “That’s one mistake I’ve never regretted. She’s happily married now. But we’re still the best of friends. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my daughter.”
“She’s beautiful.” Chris said quietly. “And she has a lovely name.”
“Thanks. Lizzie’s mother is French. She hasn’t been too well of late. They’ve been there for the past month, visiting her.” Shane said, explaining the absence of his daughter.
“Chris, I’m sorry about what I said earlier.”
“Don’t worry about it. You were right. I don’t have any right…”
“I’m sorry,” Shane whispered, cutting Chris off.
“Okay.” Chris sighed. Somehow Shane being sorry for what he’d said didn’t make it any easier. “I have to go.”
“Will you come back?” Shane asked in a voice barely above a whisper.
“I told you I would. But I won’t stay for long so you can go see Adele.” Chris said.
“Thanks,” Shane said looking at Chris’ nose. “You still have some blood on…” He gestured to his own nose.
“I’ll just use your washroom if you don’t mind.”
Shane’s smile was sad. “I don’t. This way.” Shane said and turned to lead the way to the washroom.
“So is Lizzie a professional boxer by any chance?”
Shane burst into laughter. “We became friends in a gym. She’s very athletic. And yes, she boxes but she’s not a professional boxer. She’s in the army.”
“Oh crap.” Chris groaned. “Just my luck. Now I know I’m gonna get shot.”
Shane’s laughter was so contagious Chris joined in. And even as Chris tried to clean his bloody nose as best as he could so as not to raise eyebrows when he got to his office, both men couldn’t stop laughing.