“I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
“It doesn’t matter why you’re crying. Sometimes you just need to cry.”
This makes me snort, but the pain in my stomach is a little too great, so it sounds like more of a pain grunt.
“Have you ever cried?” I asked.
“When I was little, I cried a lot.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“My father would beat me to within an inch of my life, Adelaide. He would find any means to hurt me. Even my tears offended him. Trust me, a little boy with no true understanding of hiding his emotions will cry.”
“Oh, Andrei,” I said, once again feeling for the little boy he’d been.
He shrugged.
“Why did your father hate you?”
“I wasn’t his real son.”
“Oh?”
“My mother had an affair with one of the soldiers and the Pakhan decided my father needed an heir, and his decision was for him to raise me as his. He didn’t like it. So, he made sure to hurt me and attempted to kill me at every possible term.”
This didn’t stop my tears. It made me cry even harder.
“Do you want to be a father?” I asked.
Andrei froze and looked toward me. “Why do you ask?”
“I just … we never discussed a family. I know…” I lick my lips, and he reached for the cup, presenting it to me, and I thank him. I’m so thirsty. I feel like I could drink for days. “I heard you and Ivan talking. About us needing to start a family.”
“You heard that?”
I’m not at all comfortable with this conversation but I know it’s one that I do need to have with him.
“I figured that’s why you’ve not been using condoms. I was a virgin with you, Andrei, but I took sex ed. I know how making babies works. My parents took away my birth control when I was … you know … picked for you.” Glancing down at the bed, I force myself to look up. “Do you think I should get myself tested?”
“Why?”
“It’s been six months and we’re still not pregnant.”
“Give it time, Adelaide.”
“What happens after two years?” I asked.
“Nothing happens. Ivan would like us to have a baby within two years. Don’t worry yourself. We’ll get pregnant on our own time.”
“I’m going to have to recover from … this.” I point at my stomach as best I can. Too many movements hurt the wound near my chest.
I still couldn’t believe I’d been shot. I imagine that comes down to the morphine.
“We never had a honeymoon,” Andrei said.
This surprises me.
“Our marriage didn’t need one,” I said.
“Our marriage is the same as every other one, Adelaide. As soon as you’re healed, that is exactly what we’re doing. We’re going on our honeymoon.”
I smiled. I couldn’t help it and when I looked at Andrei, I saw him smile at me. What was going on? He rarely showed me any happiness, and it did make me a little nervous.
“You should smile a lot more,” I said. “You look very handsome.”
The morphine must be making me a little loopy.
“You’re the only one I get to smile for.” He winked at me, and my heart nearly exploded.
“What’s going on?” I asked. “You’re not like this with me. You do know I’m not Bethany, right?” I feel tired.
“Don’t say her name.”
My eyes feel so heavy.
“Everyone loves her, you know. Everyone. They love her beauty and her smile. I’m always considered the ugly one. The lame one. I’m boring.”
“Adelaide?”