“Andrei told me he is not having an affair.” I don’t tell her that was weeks ago. “I trust him.”
“But?”
“Even if he’s not having an affair, and this was taken some time ago, it means that he was at least happy with her. Didn’t you see that?”
Is that what bothers me more? Andrei being happier with my sister? I’m the second choice. That’s who I am. It’s all I’ve ever been.
Aurora shook her head. “Stop it. No, I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Pictures don’t lie,” I said.
My words have Aurora laughing so hard. “You’re kidding, right?”
“They don’t.”
“Adelaide, I know you’re young.”
I’m twenty-one years old. Bethany is nearly thirty. My mother was quite surprised when she had me. I’ve always been a lot older than my years, though.
“What does my age have to do with anything?”
“Some photos are designed to be deceptive. You have no idea when this was taken or why it was taken. It looks like a professional shot. It could have done the rounds for all those media papers and stuff. Trust me when I say this, Andrei never looked as happy as he does with you.”
“You saw them together as a couple?”
Aurora nodded.
“Did Andrei smile?”
“From time to time.”
“Did he listen to Bethany?”
“Adelaide, you’ve got to stop.”
I put my coffee down and stood up. “I’m sorry, but I need some air.” I smiled at her. It was forced and I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I bat them down, refusing to allow them to leave. I’m not going to cry over him or this situation again.
Bethany was doing exactly what she set out to do and I knew that. She wanted to drive a wedge between me and Andrei. The sex was good. I enjoyed being with him, but I always felt like he was bored … I duck my head as I ignore one of the soldiers. I don’t know how Aurora lives with guns constantly on display. They still terrify me.
I find a door leading onto the back porch that overlooks the garden, and as I step outside, I take a deep breath. Leaning against the door, I suck in more oxygen, even as I feel my chest tighten. Anxiety threatens to claw its way up my body, but I fight it, using my breathing to ground me, to keep me from going over the edge that can suck me down too hard.
Opening my eyes, I look out over the garden. Aurora and Slavik’s home is beautiful. They have a special connection. What I’ve noticed in visiting them is that they don’t show it. Not in public, but I’ve seen them when they don’t realize anyone is watching, and I’ve heard them. Slavik is completely in love with Aurora. He would die for her. They are a love match. Even if they didn’t start that way, it’s what their marriage has become.
Andrei and I are not a love match. We’re a business contract. That’s why I know Andrei doesn’t really want me. The sex is good because he’s obligated to have sex with me. I overheard Ivan talking to Andrei one night a few weeks ago. He asked if I was pregnant yet, and Andrei said he expected it would happen soon.
What kind of man does that? He doesn’t want me. His touch isn’t filled with passion for me. I’m a duty.
Wrapping my arms around my body, I step toward the grass. Aurora and Slavik’s home is so big, anyone could get lost. Removing my sneakers, I take a step onto the cold, wet ground.
There had been a storm last night. I’d lain awake in Andrei’s arms, listening to the ferocious sound. As a child I’d always hated storms, and that hadn’t changed as I aged. I always feared that the wind would be so strong it would tear the roof right off whatever place I was at. I’d lie awake for hours, listening, terrified of what could happen. Oftentimes I’d fall asleep, and the next morning I’d see the devastation.
It was like Mother Nature was too afraid to befall the Volkov Bratva’s wrath, as there was no damage to his property. Even the trees didn’t dare shed any branches.
“Hello, Adelaide.”
I’ve already stepped into the wet grass when I look up to see Ivan approaching. His gaze seems entertained when he sees me standing on the cold wet ground. I’m freezing, but I’d rather feel the chill than the icy knowledge my husband doesn’t want me. It was easier to live with him when he ignored me. I’d rather be invisible than go through this.
I thought I could handle it, but seeing Aurora and Slavik hurt more than ever. Bethany’s constant taunts and pictures were eating away at me.
“Mr. Volkov,” I said, bowing my head and showing respect.
Ivan clapped his hands together. “Adelaide, you are forever a delight.”
I doubted that.
“Did you conclude your business?” I asked. Andrei never talked to me about what he and the others did. I wasn’t expected to know, and for the most part, I kept my nose out.
Understanding his business wasn’t part of my job description, at least that’s what I’m always told. My job is to have babies. To shut up. To not make waves.
In that moment, I think about my parents. Not once did they make an effort to see me. When I’m alone, I’ll turn the television on and go check out their channel, but other than seeing all the boring shows every single day, nothing has changed for them. I sometimes checked them on the Internet as well. Random pictures would appear-my mother shopping, my parents out together or with Bethany. No news about the daughter they were happy to give up for that pleasure.
“In a sense.” Ivan stared at me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
It was a perfect and easy mantra to keep saying. No one wanted the truth. They were happy with careful lies.
“You’re lying.”