Forty.

Elle POV.
“Spill Elle, I could see it in your eyes, now talk” Paul my friend was grilling me to know what happened, I wasn’t happy, it’s not like I’m sad. These days I’m really happy, Nikolai is taking good care of me, I’m mostly happy, we found a good routine for the two of us, we both share our love for coffee that might be the number one thing we bonded over.
“He asked about my favorite coffee, you know I told him all about my coffee addiction, I live for coffee Pauly” I say lying through my teeth, we did bond over coffee but that’s not what he meant, he meant why I’m so low today, but I didn’t want to talk about that.
“It’s not coffee I’m asking about Elle” Paul says knowing I’m trying to get out of it.
“Well, what else do you want me to tell you about?” I ask acting all innocent.
“The reason you’ve been crying the whole morning, why you are so low today?” he asks, talk about being direct, although I love Paul, I don’t want to talk about it.
“I wasn’t crying, my eyes were dirty, I had to wash them” I say with a smile, it’s a good excuse if I say so myself.
“Real funny Elle, now spill” he says, he’s not letting this go, I just smile and move to start working, we’re back to our cafe work.
“I think my customers are calling me” I say and move away to check on the customers who weren’t even calling me.
I stood next to their tables, with a smile and asked them what they would like to drink, I even told them the whole menu, our best drinks, and all the patisserie we were offering, the costumers smiled loving all the attention I’m giving them, we shared some more words together before they ordered their drinks and cakes.
I tried to keep myself busy, I was actually avoiding my friend but that wasn’t the best plan ever, we live in the same house, we go home together, and he’s the only one I’m friend with. Sooner or later we’ll have to meet to leave the cafe back home, Nikolai won’t be able to come and pick me up, I don’t think I want him to come, not today.
Usually he’ll come and get me, usually, we’ll have fun time going back home, but things weren’t that good today, I’ve had a bad dream, I was yelling, calling for Devil in my dreams, but that wasn’t the reason I was crying. I still miss her, I still think about her, every night I’ll think about her, I’ll think about how she used to hold me while I sleep. I thought about where she is now, could I contact her, should I contact her? I want to contact her, but I’m not free anymore, I belong to Nikolai now, and he won’t share me with her, no matter how hard I want them both, I’ll have to live with Nikolai knowing that Devil is now safe.
Nikolai calmed me down, he left the room afterward, I was alone, I had to get up, but alone without him, I felt so bad, I felt like my heart was broking a little bit every now and then, I felt like shit.
When I left out room, I was going down for breakfast, but that’s when the worst part of my day happened, Angelo, happened. He was being the usual jerk he is, me and him have a great relation, he’ll threaten me, he’ll try to touch me, I’ll scream, I’ll hit him, I’ll threaten back.
But that morning, I was feeling low, I only wanted Nikolai to hold me and tell me everything is okay, that nothing would happen, that I’m okay but that wasn’t the case, when I finally got away from Angelo, Nikolai was busy this morning, he wasn’t paying me any attention. He left without breakfast, leaving me under Angelo’s mercy, Marco who’s his second hand usually and my protector whenever he’s not here, was gone along with Nikolai.
Angelo’s teasing was as bad as usual, he went as far as to call me a baby, a baby slut, he heard Nikolai calling me baby girl and I calling him daddy, that wasn’t meant to happen, I’m always careful to only call him that in private, but he refuses to allow me to call him anything but daddy or sir. I know that’s usually my dream to have a daddy, but although Nikolai is being nice to me, although we are bonding, I don’t know how I feel about any of that yet.
It’s been a month and I’m lost, I need help but I have no one to talk to, no one to tell me I just wasted my life, I’m doing a very big mistake here, but I also want them to tell me I’m doing the right thing, that Nikolai is the one for me, that he’s really trying to love me just as much as he loves coffee. But since I didn’t have anyone to tell me any of those, I had to tell myself most of those, I had to tell myself all of that, but that doesn’t mean I could help to stop crying, I had teary eyes, Angelo’s teasing made me cry.
“Time to leave Elle” Paul says he knows he’s going to have me all to himself when we leave, I can’t hide anymore, I’ll have to talk to him.
“Coming” I say with a smile, trying to hide my pain, to hide my insecurities, but it wasn’t working that well, he knew me too well for some reason.
“Come on Elle, you know you can tell me anything, I’ll never judge you” he says, well that the best thing about Paul, he never judges, he always takes everything in a good way.
“There’s nothing to tell” I say walking out of the cafe with him, we both changed from our uniform and it’s now time to leave.
“Don’t lie to me Elle, I don’t like that” Paul says sounding hurt, I didn’t mean to sound mean, or to be a liar.
“There’s really nothing to tell” I say with a shrug, we can’t walk back home, we got to drive over home and it’s a long distance. I got in the car, laying my head against the glass window, he got in the driver seat and drove us away but it wasn’t the usual way home, I looked up at Paul with confusion.
“Where are we going?” I ask him.
“Somewhere where we can talk in private” Paul answers me, before driving us away, I saw the sea come in view after few minutes, I smiled, the sea always helps me feel better, I loved the whole sound of waves, the smell of the sea.
Paul parked on the side and got out of the car mentioning for me to follow, I did that, getting out and looking at the sea, taking a deep breath before I sigh, maybe Paul is the person who could help me right now.
“Talk” He order me, and this time I do obey.
“I miss Devil, I know I shouldn’t do that, but I am. I’m hurt that she’s away, I know Nikolai is trying and wants to keep me, but what he gets bored of me” I say sounding my insecurities.
“It’s okay to miss her, I knew you would, she was a big part of your world. And Nikolai would never get bored of you, if he ever tries to hurt you, just tell me I’ll kick his arse” Paul says making me giggle, okay maybe he’s the one I should come to when I’m feeling low. We both sat on a bench watching the waves, my head laying on his shoulder, letting out some silent tears and sobs.