Elle POV,
“Mommy, do you like me still?” I ask her, our four months are over, but I’m still here, I don’t want to leave, I think I found someone who I want to spend my life with, sex isn’t going great with us, we make out, we cuddle, we kiss, she sees me naked, I see her naked but it’s not going much farther than that.
“Like you, love you, want you” Devil answers right away, she’s been busy lately, we’re not spending as much time together as we did before, if I need her at night I have to call her, but she doesn’t always answer, she have some new jobs, but it’s not just the jobs that got me worried, I already know she works, I know what her job is.
But it’s something else that got me feeling not enough, Devil had sex with someone who’s not me, she refused to tell me whom, I didn’t ask not right away but I knew she did, she had marks, bite marks, even in her job, I don’t think she torture bad guys by making them bite her or have sex with her.
I tried to have the sex talk again, maybe we should agree on an open relation, at least then I’ll know she’s getting some without me going crazy jealous, I’m open minded, I won’t mind, well maybe I will, I’ll try not to, but she got to tell me about it, this is driving me crazy. Maybe my time here is over, maybe I should just leave, I should get back to my place, get a job of my own, but I love my cafe work, I love my friend, I love how simple it is.
“Are you sure, maybe you want someone more? Something more?” I ask trying but not succeeding to be discreet.
“Is this a sex talk Elle? We’ll talk more once I’m back, don’t stay up waiting for me. I’ll be home late.” she says, how are we supposed to talk if she’s gonna be late!
“It’s not a sex talk” I say with a frown, it is, but I’m also feeling left out, left behind, she doesn’t want me.
“I know you too well Elle, don’t try and lie to me” she says, but I just shrug, I don’t want to talk about it if she’s leaving, it’s going to be another night that I’ll spend alone.
“We’re going to have a long sit and a good chat when I’m back Elle” she says, I just shrug again.
“I want to hear an answer Elle” she says in a scolding voice, she’s the one who’s wrong not me.
“Yes Mommy” I say like a good girl, I even added a fake yellow smile making her shake her head at me.
She comes toward me, land a kiss on my lips and leave, Devil just left, I felt alone, I felt like she’s never coming back, but she always comes back, she survived so long, why am I having this bad feeling inside me? Why I’m feeling like I’m a left behind puppy, Devil would never do that, she always tells me she wants me to stay. When she’s back we’ll have a talk, it might end with her telling me to beat it, to never come back? Or maybe she can’t wait anymore, it’s time for me to lose my V cart, but she’s not a sweet kind lover in bed, she’s gonna tear me in half, I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet or not.
Today was a bad day, I didn’t have work, not in the cafe, but I had my stories to work on, I had to sit down and type. But how to take your depression off, you kill a character, if that wasn’t enough, I made my hero cry, I made who’s me hold his breath trying to die, it didn’t work, I made him jump inside the ocean and hope for death, I didn’t know if I should kill him or not, should I die? But then my story would be over! Overwhelming myself with ideas, and depression, I decided to jump to another story, I need some fluff in my life, more fluff, and extra fluff until I felt better.
Now I was hungry, I moved to the kitchen, living with Devil meant I can have access to all kind of sweets, all kind of snacks, she’s not shy on buying chocolate, all the things I love! I helped myself in, Devil isn’t here to tell me not to eat too much candy, best solution to drown my misery is food, I think I have a food trauma, but who’s counting! I have too many issues, a therapist would need a therapy for trying and helping me.
I sat back down on the sofa, having a sandwich ready, it’s a chicken sandwich hold the chicken, a big can of pepsi, next I had some chips, gummy bears, cake, chocolate cake to be exact, bon appetite. I dived right in eating everything, I think I have ate too much, enough to get myself into a food coma, I fell asleep on the sofa.
My dreams were filled with me running around, ghosts chasing me, a dog was after me this time, he wasn’t alone, it was a whole pack, I tried to walk between the sleeping dogs, but they woke up and now are chasing me, I got in some chop but the things are all messed up, every turn I took, drove me deeper into the darkness, until I was in a dark alley, something was still chasing me, it almost got me, that’s when I woke up.
I sat up looking around, I wanted to scream for Devil, she knows how to chase the dream away, she knows how to make me feel better but I was alone, there was no one here with me, I was still asleep on the sofa, Devil never leave me on the sofa, she always carry me inside to bed. She also likes to scold me for sleeping on the sofa instead of her bed. I tried to scream, I tried to get my sound to raise, I wanted to yell, where is Devil, but my throat was extremely scratchy, my eye were filled with tears, she’s not here.
I went back down, I laid back on the same sofa, noticing my plate, my empty candy packages all still laying on the table, I did a mess, I hate doing messes, I decide to clean it up, I take everything back to the kitchen, not bothering with the dishes, I’ll do them tomorrow. After that I felt the urgent need to pee, going to our bathroom, I did my business brushed my teeth and moved to her bed, everything in this place is hers, if she decides to kick me out, I’ll be homeless, not something fun.
I wasn’t in a sleeping mood, I didn’t feel like sleeping, instead I sat in bed, playing with my phone, my brain was making scenarios, she found a better little, someone who’s not afraid of sex. Maybe she’s not into me anymore, maybe she just wants someone else, that someone isn’t me, but my last option was the one I’d prefer over her hating me. Maybe she really is busy with work, but also there’s always the chance of her being hurt, that scared me, I’d prefer for her to hate me and be safe over her loving me be dead.
Stupid tears starts to fall from my eyes, I couldn’t help them they just start going down on their own, I tried to wipe them away but they wouldn’t stop, I kept listening to any kind of sound or voice coming from the outside, is she back? Would she be mad at me for staying up? But I’m waiting for her, I’m scared about her.