Thursday
When I arrived back at the hospital, James was arguing with the nurse. He was trying to stand up and the nurse kept telling him to stay in bed. He looked pale from the effort. I wanted to be able to comfort him. I wanted to be able to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t know that it was. I didn’t know that it could be.
He glanced at the door and spotted me. “Penny! Are you okay? I’ve been trying to reach you.”
I swallowed hard and walked into the room.
“You need to sit down, Mr. Hunter,” the nurse said. “This is your last warning or I’m going to have to sedate you.”
James stopped trying to get past her and sat down on the edge of the bed. He was breathing heavily when I reached him.
“Are you hurt?” He winced as he reached up to touch the side of my face.
“I’m fine.”
“Is Rob okay?” he asked. “Is he going to be okay?”
I could hear the pain in his voice. But all I could think about was the fact that he shouldn’t just be upset. He should feel guilty.
“I don’t know. He’s unconscious. His leg is broken and he has a bullet in his right shoulder. There was so much blood.” I pressed my lips together. I wasn’t going to cry right now.
The pain wasn’t just in James’ voice. It was all over his face. He did feel guilty. He knew this was his fault. But he wasn’t saying anything. He wasn’t telling me the truth. And he certainly wasn’t letting me in. I wanted to hug him and slap him at the same time.
“Do you know why Rob was there in the first place?” I didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Because he thought his big brother was dying. And he wanted justice for you. He was searching for evidence that Isabella was behind the shooting. Because of something that you said to him. About how you wanted him to watch out for me if something happened to you. And that you were willing to die for me.”
“Penny…”
“Because you knew what Isabella was planning to do! You knew.” My voice cracked on the last word. “You knew, James.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Rob got hurt trying to find evidence to put Isabella behind bars. He got hurt trying to protect you. Because you thought lying to us protected us. It didn’t, James. It only ever hurts me. It hurts me.”
“Penny…”
“No. James, I spent every day by your bed torturing myself. Blaming myself. Agonizing over my mistakes. It almost killed me. Every time you tell me something new, I feel like it’s the last secret you have. That you finally trust me completely. But that’s not the case. It’s never the case. Now’s the time for you to throw out insults and push me away. Go ahead. Tell me to leave. Kick me out of your life. Tear me down like you love to do. Because pain is easier for you than love.”
“Penny.” He coughed. “Damn it.” His knuckles were turning white, holding himself up on the bed.
I should have gone to him. I should have comforted him. But I couldn’t. “We’re broken, James. You broke us.”
He didn’t look sad anymore. He looked angry. “What was I supposed to do, Penny? I wasn’t going to let Isabella dictate how I lived my life. I wasn’t going to let anyone do that ever again. I’m so sick of people telling us we can’t be together. Choosing to be with you is the only good decision I’ve ever made in my whole fucking life. No one is ever going to tell me that we can’t be together. Fuck that.”
“Then why would you risk your life knowing you had a DNR? You basically signed your death certificate. You never really wanted this. That hurts even more than the secrets and lies. The fact that you’d leave me without fighting. The fact that you’d throw this all away. How could you?”
“I don’t have a DNR.”
“Stop lying to me. I thought we were finally on the same page. I thought we were finally okay. I’m going to go see how Rob is.”
“Don’t walk out like this. You told me you’d stay with me. You shouldn’t have been in our apartment anyway. Why did you go when you said you wouldn’t?”
“Because I was trying to take care of you!”
“And that’s no different than anything I did.”
“I didn’t purposely put myself in danger, James.”
“Well you were in danger anyway. Penny.” He reached one of his hands out to me. “Please.”
“And you should have told me about why you really married Isabella.”
“I did tell you.”
I shook my head. “I know about the baby.”
He sighed. “You don’t understand. Give me a chance to explain.”
“I’ve given you a million chances.” I couldn’t look at him anymore. I couldn’t see him in pain and feel so much anger toward him. It was too hard. I couldn’t do this.
He called after me as I closed the door. Nothing he could say could make me understand.
***
“Are you going to come in or just stare at me?”
I hadn’t realized that Rob had seen me. I was lost in thought. I smiled and walked into his room. The doctor told me that he had woken up as soon as he got to the hospital. They had put a cast on his leg and taken the bullet out of his arm. He had a concussion and a lot of blood loss. But he was going to be okay. And he already looked more animated than James. “How are you feeling?”
“Like shit.” He laughed. “I can’t believe I got beat up by a girl.”
“I heard she took you by surprise and whacked you in the back of the head.”
“Still. It’s embarrassing.”
“Does it help to know that I knocked her out with a frying pan?”
He smiled. “A little, yeah.” He stared down at the cast on his leg. “The doctor said I would have bled out if someone didn’t find me.”
I wasn’t a hero in this scenario. I had been so blind to not see what had been unfolding. “Rob.” I sat down next to his bed and grabbed his hand. “I thought… I thought you were dead. I’ve never…”
“Being beat up by a girl is embarrassing enough. Being murdered by one? Now that’s an awful way to go.”
I laughed. “I’m being serious.”
“I hate serious.”
I shook my head. “Still. I was so upset that I’d never get to tell you that you’re one of my best friends.”
“One of your best friends? I’m honored. Does that mean I get to sleep with you like Tyler did?”
“Ugh.” I removed my hand from his and gently slapped his forearm. “Seriously, I didn’t have siblings growing up and I just feel like you’re the brother I never had.”
“Stop getting sentimental on me, sugar tits.”
“You’re the worst,” I said with a laugh.
“Is that the kind of thing you say about one of your best friends?”
I sighed and leaned back in the chair. “Where’s Daphne?”
“Getting me pizza.”