“Don’t touch me.” I knew I was being dramatic, but I needed us to talk. “Please don’t touch me. Let me just finish what I have to say.”
He removed his hand. His silence made it seem like he wanted me to keep going.
“She sent me a box full of notes that you wrote her. Love letters. All about how Isabella was the love of your life. And that you dreamed about marrying her your whole life. You talked about how no one understood you better than her. How much you missed her when you were apart, and how beautiful she was. You talked about being ready to have children with her. And that you thought she’d be a great mother. I read them all James.”
I thought he might jump in here, but he just looked down at his hands, which were clasped together on his lap.
“Isabella left a note on the box about how your love is as fleeting as your addictions. And that you were just trying to escape your reality by being with me. Because you’re addicted to me.”
I waited again, wondering if he’d say anything about that. He continued to look down at his hands.
“The last envelope I got was pictures of you fucking some girl. Isabella made it seem like it was from your bachelor party. I mean, she didn’t say it was, but with everything else she had sent… I was doubting whether you even liked me, let alone love me. It seemed like you didn’t care about me at all. She was so in my head, I don’t even think I was thinking clearly anymore. I just felt so alone.
“When you came back from your bachelor party, you didn’t seem guilty though. I could tell you genuinely missed me. And I thought I should let it go. Isabella was clearly just messing with me. I knew she was trying to get under my skin. I talked to Rob and he said you were just by the pool all weekend. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe you. And honestly, you kept talking about how you thought she had changed and how nice she had been recently. I didn’t even think you’d believe me.”
He continued to look down at his hands.
“I think she thought that would ruin us. But it didn’t. I thought it was over. I thought we had won. But then yesterday, she sent me a message about wiring her 20 million dollars or she’d leak the photos of me and Tyler and me at my bachelorette party. I ignored it. I was done playing her games. And those photos didn’t mean anything. Tyler was comforting me when I couldn’t get a hold of you. He asked Melissa to be his girlfriend right after that lunch. And my friends just made me do stupid stuff at my bachelorette party. For the record, I wanted to stay in and watch a movie.”
He nodded his head, but he still didn’t look up at me.
“When I didn’t reply to Isabella, she forwarded me pictures of you and me having sex in your office. She must have put a camera in there when she kissed you or something. I don’t know. Either way, she said she’d leak them to tabloids if I didn’t wire her the money. And she gave me her bank account number.
“I had already ruined your teaching career. I didn’t want to be the reason you were part of a scandal again. My first thought was to tell you. I went to your office and was about to open the door when she texted me. She said if I went to you, she’d leak the photos. She was watching me, listening to me. I didn’t have a choice. I was trying to protect you. So I did what she said. I had no idea the money was going into Tyler’s account. James, I didn’t know.
“And before I went home, she said I couldn’t tell you she was involved or she’d leak the photos. That’s why I just said we were being blackmailed. I couldn’t tell you by who. I see now how stupid I was. That those photos weren’t as important as you. I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to protect you.”
James didn’t say anything. But he slowly lifted his head. He stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time.
“When you kicked me out, I didn’t have anywhere to go. All I could think about was how much I loved you. I couldn’t stand the thought of you going back to Isabella, because she’s not good for you. You need someone who supports you and loves you and sees how great you are, even when you can’t see it.” Now I looked away from him. “So I went to your parents’ house. Isabella never said I couldn’t tell them. I told them everything. I showed them the text messages. Your father found this camera sticker thing on my phone. I think Austin put it there in the bar. Isabella really had been watching and listening to me. Your parents said they’d take care of it. I thought they would have called you. But I guess I did tell them that we had broken up. I think your mom seemed kind of relieved about that.
“Rob found me after that, walking back to the city. He agreed to take me back here. You asked me to disappear. I just… I needed to be near you. This was the best I could do. And I feel so dumb, because you were right about Tyler. You weren’t wrong to jump to the conclusions you did.”
James’ back seemed to stiffen.
“Not about me wanting to run away with him. I don’t love him, you have to know that. But he did still like me. We talked this morning and I told him I’d always love you. Even if you didn’t want to be with me anymore. He’s moving out of New York. He said he couldn’t be just my friend anymore. I think that’s probably for the best. You don’t have to worry about him stealing me away now. I officially lost the last friend that was just mine.
“You were wrong about everything else though, James. And the things you said… they hurt me. Especially how I came from nothing. I didn’t come from nothing. I didn’t need saving. I never asked you to give me anything.” I put my hand on his knee. “But I feel like I’m nothing without you.”
He stood up, letting my hand fall from his knee. “I…” he let his voice trail off as he put his fingers through his hair. “You’re not nothing without me. You’re everything to me. Baby…” his voice trailed off and he took a step toward me. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please let me touch you. I need to touch you. I need to know we’re okay. It’s the only way I know we’re okay.”