“You said we were being blackmailed. I’ll take your word for it. It’s over now. We’re going to be okay. We have to be okay.”
It wasn’t over now. Isabella was still out there, probably planning her next diabolical move. And despite what James said, it didn’t sound like he believed me at all. “Then why didn’t you call me back? Why did you just disappear?”
“Because I want what’s best for you.”
Before I even realized what was happening, I had slapped him hard across the face.
He looked shocked. And pissed. God, he looked so pissed. But he didn’t get to be upset with me. He was the one that pushed me away. He was the one that wouldn’t hear me out.
“What’s best for me? How would you know what’s best for me if you don’t listen to me, James?” I poked him hard in the middle of the chest. “When you prefer to listen to your ex-wife instead?” I poked him again. “What’s best for me certainly isn’t hearing that I’m ugly on the inside. That you only ever wanted me for sex.” I poked him again. “That you never loved me!” I was choking on my words.
“Penny…”
“How could you say that to me? How could you not listen to what I had to say? You never hear me, James. You never listen.”
“I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean any of that. I was upset. I thought… I thought you were leaving me.”
“That doesn’t take it back. That doesn’t undo all the hurtful things you said. All the lies…”
“I never lied to you!”
“You loved Isabella, James! I saw the notes. Every intimate detail. You talked about how excited you were to marry her. And how much you wanted children with her.”
He ran his hand through his wet hair. “You don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand. Talk to me. Stop cutting me out of your life. Stop hiding from me!”
He lowered both his eyebrows and looked toward the coffee shop. “You’re soaked. We should get out of the rain.”
I wanted to slap him again. “We need to talk, James. Now. Somewhere more private than that.”
He nodded. There was so much pain in his eyes, and it made me wonder if there was something else he had hidden from me. “Okay.”
We both stood there awkwardly for a moment, watching each other in the rain. I wanted him to put his arms around me. I wanted him to kiss me like nothing was wrong. But I needed to know the truth and so did he. We needed to figure this out. We had to. I folded my arms across my chest.
“Where’s your ring?” His eyes were locked on my naked hand.
“I left it with Rob.”
“Baby…” his voice trailed off. “Please don’t leave me. Please, I can’t live without you.” This time when he stepped toward me, I didn’t push him away. I’d never leave him. The only reason I had walked out was to make sure he didn’t. Because he was drunk. I didn’t want him to get hurt. He needed to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. So I let him put his hands on me. I let him kiss me, softly at first and then more savagely. I let myself get lost in the kiss because I needed it too. I needed to know that what we had wasn’t a lie. And that maybe we could go back. Maybe we didn’t have to be over. This time I didn’t push him away when his palm slipped up the back of my shirt or his fingers tugged on my hair. He pulled me tightly against him. I knew he was trying to forget. I wanted to forget too. But we couldn’t do that. We had to talk about what had happened. I lightly touched his chest.
“Tell me I’m not too late,” he sighed. “Tell me I can fix this.” His hand cupped the side of my face.
“We can fix it. But I need you to tell me everything, James. You have to let me in.”
Friday
James slid an access card into the scanner outside the elevator. I didn’t ask him why he still had a key to this apartment. Whether or not he paid for Rob’s place wasn’t what I cared about. I kept my arms folded in front of my chest and stepped onto the elevator as soon as the doors parted. James leaned against the opposite side of the elevator with that wanting look on his face. He had given me the same look when I refused to hold his hand on the way back here. I loved him, but we weren’t okay. He needed to understand that. If I gave into him, we’d never talk. We’d never get past this. And I needed to get past this.
The elevator stopped and James pressed in the code. The doors slid open.
Rob came running over to the elevator. He slid across the marble due to the socks he was wearing and skidded to a stop. “Hey. I’m glad you guys decided to talk. I may or may not have been spying on you from the window.” He gave me a wink.
I wanted to laugh. I knew he was trying to cheer me up, but I didn’t feel like laughing. I gave him a weak smile instead.
“So, are you two okay now?” he asked.
I glanced over at James. He stayed silent and so did I. He was staring at my hand where my ring had once sat.
“Rob, do you have my ring?”
“Um… yeah.” He gave James a weird look and walked over to the kitchen. My ring was still sitting on the kitchen counter. “Right here.” He picked it up.
I walked over to him and took it from his hand. James seemed to be focused on this one thing. If he was going to open up to me, I needed him to be focused on me and not my hand. I slid the ring back on my finger.
“So, you’re good?” Rob asked.
“We have a lot to talk about.”
“Okay, well, you guys are soaked. I folded your dress and put it on the bed in the first guest room. I was hoping you’d be back.” He gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “James,” he said as he stepped away from me, “want to borrow something?”
“Yeah, that would be great.” James didn’t take his eyes off me as he followed Rob to his bedroom. It was as if he thought I was going to run away again. Did he not remember last night? I didn’t run, he forced me to leave.