To you maybe. Was that her plan? To torture me and weasel her way back into James’ heart? She was an evil genius, because I was falling apart and he was calling her nice. “Did you always plan on moving back here?”
“What?”
“Ian said that you paid him a year’s salary so he wouldn’t have to work for Isabella when you moved to Delaware. He said you were coming back in a year. You never told me that.”
“I thought I’d come back, yeah. I just needed a break from this lifestyle. When I left New York, I never imagined I’d meet someone like you.”
“But you did meet me. And you never told me about your master plan.”
“It wasn’t a master plan. The date wasn’t set in stone. It was tentative. My life was a mess. I couldn’t plan that far ahead. I was still figuring out what I wanted.”
“Because of Isabella. And now what? You want to be friends with her?”
“It wasn’t because of Isabella. Our marriage had never been good. I knew she had been cheating on me for months before I caught her in the act. I was a mess because I had my own issues to work out. I needed to find a purpose, something to live for.”
“But you loved her. It must have torn you apart when you found out she was cheating. Right? Because it hurts to find out that someone you trust is fooling around behind your back. Especially when you have to find out instead of them telling you.”
“I never trusted her. And our relationship wasn’t built on love. You know that.”
Liar. All those notes he had written to her flashed through my mind. Just thinking about them made my chest hurt. Can’t you see that you’re killing me?
His eyes softened slightly as he watched me slowly fall apart in front of him. “Penny, what’s going on? Are you having second thoughts?”
“I don’t know.” I immediately saw the flash of doubt on his face. It was the same way he had looked at me back when he was a professor. Like he didn’t believe I could possibly love him. He wasn’t supposed to be the one feeling hurt right now. He was the one that cheated on me. If he was scared of losing me, all he needed to do was apologize.
“Hey.” He put his hands on either side of my face. “Whatever doubts you’re having, please just tell me. Whatever you’re worried about, I know we can work it out. I love you with everything that I am.”
He still wanted to be with me? Maybe I was blowing everything out of proportion. Men did stupid stuff during their bachelor parties all the time. I had seen movies where guys did way worse than bang a random girl before committing to someone for the rest of their lives. James wouldn’t fool around on me behind my back when we were married. It was just because it was his last night as a single man. And he had Rob and Mason egging him on, and who knows who else. James had told me he never cheated on Isabella. He wouldn’t cheat on me either. He loved me. The way he was looking at me couldn’t be faked. I had to trust him. “You promise?”
“I promise. What’s bothering you?”
“I… it’s nothing. If you still love me…”
“Penny.” He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against my lips. “I’ll never stop loving you. You are the only thing I’m ever sure about. It’s you and me. It’ll always be you and me.”
I put my arms around his neck and breathed in his familiar scent. You and me. I needed to let this go. If he wasn’t talking about it, it was a mistake. It was a one time thing. I bit my lip. That’s what he had said to me when we had crossed the line of being a student and her professor. But it was never a one time thing and it was never going to be. Don’t cry, don’t cry.
“So, about me caving…”
“I should probably get back to work.” I pulled away from him and stood up, grabbing my cup of coffee. I wanted to forgive him, but I needed more time. Right now the coffee in my hands was the only thing keeping me from being bent over his desk. I gripped the cup even tighter.
“Are we okay?” He look dejected.
“I don’t want the other interns to think I don’t do any work.”
He nodded, but he still looked upset. “Let’s go to Totonno’s Pizzeria for lunch.”
“Not today. I wanna bond more with Sierra. She just moved to New York and I wanted to see how she’s adjusting. I was in her place not too long ago.”
It looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he pressed his lips together. Just say it, James. Tell me what you did. Tell me that you’re sorry. It would be so much easier for me to move past this if he owned up to his mistakes.
I turned away from him. “I’ll see you after work.” He still didn’t say anything. I quickly walked out of his office and closed the door behind me.
Monday
“Hey, Rob,” I said as soon as he picked up the phone. I had eaten lunch as quickly as possible with the other marketing interns. Now I was standing outside the office, hoping I could get some answers.
“Hey, sexy, what’s up?”
I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me through the phone. “I was just calling to see if you had fun during James’ bachelor party.”
Rob laughed. “That’s a ridiculous question. It was fucking awesome.”
“So, what did you guys do?”
“Well, I won over the hottest girl there and Matt acted like a little bitch about it.”
I laughed. “Congrats on your conquest. What about James and Mason?”
“They were super lame. They sat by the pool all day.”
“And what about at night?”
“Are you trying to find out if we hired strippers, got him wasted, and then he engaged in tons of unprotected sex with strangers and now has a baby momma?”
Jesus. “Did you? Did he?”
Rob laughed. “You’ll never know. But you know how he gets when he’s off the rocker…”
“Rob.” My voice sounded strangled. “Seriously, did James cheat on me?”
“If he did, it was with Mason.”
I sighed.
Rob laughed. “No, he didn’t cheat on you, Penny.”
“You’re sure?”
“I mean, I didn’t watch him every second. But he barely participated in everything we had planned. The only sex he had was probably with his hand while he stared at a picture of your beautiful face.”
I shook my head. This conversation hadn’t made me feel any better. “Okay, thanks, Rob. I’ll see you on Friday.”
“Wait. Penny, are you really worried about this?”
“Yes. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t tell me even if you did know. So I’m sorry that I called. Please don’t tell James. I’m just freaking out over nothing.”