Part 3
Sunday
“God I miss you,” James said and then there was long sigh. “I’m calling you from the hotel lobby because Rob won’t let me have my phone. We’re staying at some place called the Blue Parrot Resort. You can call me back at this number, but I’ll be back tonight. I can’t wait to see you. Oh, and you’ll need the pa… hey, Rob! No, I wasn’t calling Penny. Fuck, get off of me!” The recording beeped, signaling the end of the message.
I played the message for the hundredth time. My intense hangover had made me sleep till well past two o’clock. And I had woken up to this message. James’ voice was soothing even though his words weren’t. He missed me? He didn’t fucking miss me. It seemed like he was plenty entertained.
I had called the number back, but I couldn’t get through to James. The person on the other end asked for a password. When I didn’t know what to say, they immediately hung up on me. I had tried to call back a few more times, but no one had even answered my call. They must have blacklisted my number or something.
There wasn’t much information about the Blue Parrot Resort on Google. It was clearly some super private hotel if they required a password to even talk to the concierge. And it was probably as sleazy as it was secretive. I sighed and pressed the replay button. It was so good to hear his voice. The recording beeped, signaling the end of the message.
I knew Isabella was just trying to get in my head. Guys did crazy stuff during their bachelor parties. That was just a fact. And I had touched some random man’s six pack last night. If there was a picture of me doing that, it would look bad. The pictures that Isabella had sent me were probably out of context.
I shook my head. What horrible context would have made James hook up with some random whore? The only thing that made sense was that he was being threatened at gun point. The Blue Parrot Resort seemed secretive, but it didn’t seem mobstery.
This wasn’t what was supposed to be happening before our wedding. We weren’t in the movie The Hangover. This kind of stuff didn’t happen in real life. I leaned back and folded my arms across my face. I wasn’t sure I could go through with the wedding in just a few days, but I still wanted to. I really, really wanted to. If I closed my eyes and pictured him smiling at me, I felt like I could forgive anything. But I couldn’t live with him sneaking around. Maybe at first I could, but it would eat away at me. It would slowly kill me. If the man I loved didn’t love me back, the best thing I could do was let him go. I wanted him to be happy. I cared about him so much.
But it didn’t matter how rational it was. I’d never be able to let him go. I needed him. Even if he cheated on me? Even if he’d do it again? God. I sat up and rubbed the tears away before they could start to fall again. James was my rock. He was always there for me. I had let him become my whole world. I needed to let this go. It was just a bachelor party. He had one last hookup as a single man. That was it. The thought of him hanging out with Rachel and kissing Isabella popped back up in my head. I pinched the skin above my nose. Stop. None of this was helping.
I put the rest of the pictures into the shoebox full of love notes to Isabella and slid it under the bed. James would be back soon. I didn’t want to fight with him. And I certainly didn’t want to confront him about cheating on me. I couldn’t have that conversation. He had to bring it up. He had to confess what he had done to me. I didn’t have the strength to do it. Maybe he was going to come home and break up with me immediately. If that’s really what he wanted, would I be able to let him go? Would I even have a choice?
The past few weeks I had been so stressed out. I had lost my perspective. There wasn’t anything to be upset about, though. I was lucky. I was madly in love, I had been given a great job, a beautiful new home, and I was getting married. Those were great things. And I was too blind to realize it. Now that I wasn’t going to have those things, I realized what they truly meant. But I didn’t care about the job or the house or the money. All I cared about was losing him. I felt empty just thinking about it.
I wanted to delay our conversation. I couldn’t do it tonight. I lay down in bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. There was never going to be a good time, but it had to be before the wedding. I couldn’t walk down the aisle if I didn’t know if I could trust him. I needed one more night, though. One more night of his arms around me. I shut my eyes as tight as possible, as if it would make my wish for more time a reality.
***
My eyes opened when I heard the front door close. I must have drifted to sleep waiting for James to come home. I glanced at the alarm clock. It was right before midnight. Mason had kept his word.
I closed my eyes again. One more night. Please let me have one more night with him.
His footsteps echoed across the marble in the foyer and treaded lightly on the stairs. But they paused when they reached the bedroom door. He let out a deep sigh.
I closed my eyes even tighter. I could picture him leaning against the door jam. He was probably running his hand through his hair in that sexy way he always did. I took a deep breath. There was a mixture of scotch and his amazing cologne in the air.
He entered the room and I could hear him getting undressed. Then it was silent again. He didn’t get into the bed. I could feel his eyes on me. He must have just been standing there, staring at me.
I wasn’t sure what I had been thinking earlier. There was no way I could ever let him go. If he was cheating on me, we could work through it. We had to. I couldn’t live without him. And I couldn’t let him end it with me. We were getting married on Saturday. It was too late for him to change his mind. You had to call off a wedding at least a month in advance unless you were a horrible human being. That was just a rule. And James wasn’t horrible. If he cheated on you he is. I felt like I was going crazy. One day alone and I had completely lost my mind.
“Are you awake?” he asked softly.