“Hipsters probably don’t think it’s cool to eat penis cookies.”
Bee laughed. “I’m giving you an easy one. Hipsters will do anything to fit in. Just tell him eating normal shaped cookies is so cliche.”
“Fine.” I sighed and slid off my stool. God this was humiliating. I walked over to the hipster and took a seat next to him on the couch.
“Hey,” he said as soon as I sat down. “Having a fun night?”
“Actually, it’s been mortifying.”
He laughed.
“Could you eat this cookie?”
He lowered his eyebrows. “Are you trying to drug me?”
“No, no. It’s just a normal cookie shaped like a penis.”
He laughed again.
I held it up for him to see.
“Oh, wait. You’re serious?”
“My friends have this weird list of stuff I have to do. One is getting a guy to eat this cookie. I promise there’s nothing wrong with it. Besides, normal shaped cookies are so mainstream, don’t you think?”
The hipster stared at me skeptically.
“I’ll do it.” Someone had flopped down on the couch on the other side of me. His arm was behind me on the couch, but he wasn’t touching me. He was dressed similarly to the hipster. Maybe they were friends.
“That would be amazing, thanks.”
“Take a bite first so I know it’s not poisoned. Anton made a good point.” He nodded toward the hipster.
“Fair enough.” I took a bite. “It’s actually really good.” I handed him the cookie.
“So can I just eat it, or do I have to suck on it weirdly or something?”
Anton laughed.
“You can just eat it,” I said.
The guy shrugged and bit the balls off.
Anton started laughing again, egging his friend on.
“Mmm mmm good,” he said and put the rest of the penis in his mouth.
I couldn’t help but start laughing too. He had just devoured that penis cookie.
He was having a hard time swallowing while he was laughing. His arm had fallen off the back of the couch and landed around my shoulders.
Awkward. I immediately stood up. “Thanks for that, guys.” I quickly walked away before they said anything else to me. I was a little out of breath when I made it back to the table. I didn’t want random guys putting their hands on me.
“Nicely done,” Bee said. “The hipster’s friend seemed to really enjoy that penis. You probably should have asked him if he liked it.”
“I wasn’t going to ask him that.”
“Well, you need to. Number six is verifying whether or not he liked that dick,” Kendra said.
“What is wrong with you guys?”
Kendra laughed and slid another shot toward me.
“You’re really going to make me go back over there?”
“Do the shot and you’ll be fine.”
“So I just need to ask if he liked it?”
“You have to ask if he liked that dick.”
I shook my head. “Can I pass on that one?”
“Trust me, you need to save your veto,” Bee said.
God. I grabbed the shot and downed it. I took a deep breath and walked back over to the guys on the couch. “Hey,” I said very unseductively. I was totally channeling the scene from The House Bunny where the manly girl told a guy she was dropping off some timber.
The guy who had eaten the cookie looked up at me. “You ran away pretty fast.”
“Yeah, sorry about that.” I sat down on the arm of the couch. “I came back over to see if you liked that cookie.”
“I liked making you laugh.” He gave me a charming smile.
I laughed awkwardly. “But did you like… that dick?” Geez.
He laughed. “I’m not gay if that’s what you’re asking. Trust me.” His eyes had landed on my legs.
“Oh, no, I didn’t think you were.” I quickly stood up. “Have a good night, guys.” I made my way back to my table despite him calling after me. My heart was beating fast. “This is so awkward,” I said and sat down in my chair. “Please can we just go home?”
“We’ll give you an easy one next,” Marie said. “Let’s skip to number nine. All you have to do is make googly eyes at someone until they send us a round of drinks.”
“You still have a million shots on the table.”
Kendra laughed. “Honey child, we’re only just getting started.”
I sighed.
“How about him,” she said and pointed to a guy at the bar. “He’s been staring at you all night.”
I turned to see who she was pointing to, but immediately looked away when I made eye contact with him. “Some random guy isn’t going to send us all drinks. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“You have years of being single at a bar to fit into one night. So put your hand through your hair and casually look back over at him.”
“Ugh.” I tucked my bangs behind my ear and looked back over at him as discreetly as possible.
He smiled at me and I immediately turned away.
“He really can’t keep his eyes off you,” Kendra said. “And he’s handsome. I bet he’s great in the sack.”
I laughed. “Is that the thing I have to veto? Done. I’m not hooking up with a stranger.”
“We would never put that on the list,” Bee said. “Well, Kendra wanted to but I told her no.”
“Thank you.” I shook my head.
“You know what really make guys possessive?” Kendra asked. “Seeing a girl they want with another guy. If we really want that sexy man to buy us drinks, we should make Penny do number ten.”
“Perfect,” Melissa said. “You have to dance with that first guy who bought you the drink.”
“He already thinks I’m going to sleep with him at the end of the night. Please don’t make me talk to him again.”
“You won’t be talking. You’ll be dancing,” Melissa said. “And make sure you walk by the guy who’s going to be buying us drinks later.”
“Should I shove a penis cookie in his mouth while I’m at it?”
“That’s not a terrible idea. I can add that to the list,” Marie said and lifted up her purse. “Just let me find a pen.”
“Don’t you dare.” I got up before any of them could add another stupid thing I had to do.
“A whole song, Penny!” one of them yelled after me.
I walked toward the guy who had bought me a whiskey, making sure to pass the one they wanted to buy us a round of drinks. I smiled shyly at the guy. It looked like he thought I was going to stop and talk to him. I noticed him frown as I leaned against the counter near my future dance partner.
“Back already?” he said with a smile. “How’d you like the whiskey?”
I laughed. “It was awful.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”
“Oh, it was. Thanks for that.”