“Yeah, I guess not,” Rob said. “If you were I wouldn’t have found your underwear all over the pool table. James clearly demolished you.”
Brendan started laughing. “Strip pool? Now that’s a fun game.”
I tried to ignore them talking and focused on the character approaching my hiding spot in the game. As soon as he walked past me, I fired my gun. My first shot missed, but my second shot hit him in the side of the head. “Yes!” I screamed and stood up. “I just killed someone!”
“Shit, you just killed Brendan!” Rob said.
“Nice,” James said. He held up his hand and I high-fived him.
“See, I am good at videogames!” I high-fived Rob too.
“Yeah, I kind of thought you were lying. But you just killed the master himself,” Rob said. “Why are you so good at videogames, Penny?”
“I was a very nerdy youth.” I sat back down on the couch.
James wrapped his arm around my back. “You’re ridiculously cute.”
“I never would have guessed you were a nerd growing up,” Rob said. “That probably explains why you’re so kinky now though.”
“Rob, come on,” James said.
“Oh. Was that inappropriate too? I thought that was just a nice compliment. I guess I don’t know where the line is.”
“Obviously,” James replied.
“Let’s play a different map. I’m demanding a rematch,” Brendan said. “I refuse to accept the fact that I just got beat by a girl who’s never touched an Xbox before.”
“You’re just mad because she’s touching an Xbox instead of you,” Rob said and switched to a snowy mountainside.
Brendan laughed. “Fair enough.”
“I’m so sorry,” James whispered in my ear.
“It’s fine.” I smiled up at him. I liked hanging out with the guys. I was already desensitized to Rob’s comments. And James seemed to really be enjoying himself.
***
After several rounds of Golden Eye, Brendan stood up and stretched. “I think I’ve redeemed myself.”
“Yeah, whatever,” I mumbled. I had only gotten one kill since our first game. And I was pretty sure James had let me kill him on purpose because he felt bad.
“Yeah,” Rob said. “Clearly Penny just got lucky before. I think I’m done playing for the night. Who wants to go out?”
“I think I’m going to stay in tonight,” James said and yawned.
“Stop being lame.” Rob stood up and stretched too.
“You can go,” I said. “Melissa asked me if I’d come over and help her get ready for the Sigma Pi formal.”
“Are you sure?” He rubbed his hand along the side of my neck.
“Yeah, go have fun.”
“Actually, I do have a few things I need to get done,” James said.
Rob laughed. “Crap, do we have to go beat someone else up? That was fun and all, but I have some other things in mind for tonight.”
“No, nothing like that.” He gave me a mischievous smile.
“Why are you smiling like that? I’m with Rob on this one. Please stop beating people up.”
James laughed. “I’m not going to beat anyone up. Do you want me to drop you off at your dorm?” Rob and Brendan had already started walking toward the elevator.
“No, I think I’d like some fresh air after sitting on the couch all day.”
“Okay.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Try to pace yourself tonight.” I couldn’t help but be a little worried about him. It was my responsibility to look out for him now. And I didn’t know enough about addiction to be able to really help. It made me a little nervous. The only knowledge I really had about addiction was how addicted I was to him. Rob didn’t seem to have James’ best interests in mind. I wanted James to be safe. At least there was a third person with him tonight that could help hold him back if he tried to assault Professor McCarty again.
“You don’t need to worry about me.” James winked at me.
“What on earth are you planning to do? Now I’m more worried than before.”
“There’s nothing to worry about tonight.” He kissed my cheek and got up off the couch.
Saturday
The leaves crunched under my feet. James had looked excited about something. And he said I didn’t need to worry about him. So maybe he wasn’t even planning on drinking at all. But I was worried.
Before I had left the apartment, I googled addiction. I wound up on a Wikipedia article about sexual addiction. It was all about how people couldn’t control their sexual urges, thoughts, and behaviors. James had told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me. He had given into his urges in his office because he thought that would make the urges go away. But it had just made him want me more. Like he couldn’t quit me.
Now I was more worried than ever. There was such a fine line between addiction and what he considered love. And I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to help him if I was the one that was currently reinforcing his behavior.
I rolled my eyes at myself. I was being silly. It wasn’t like I was a psychology expert. One Google search didn’t mean anything. And we hadn’t even covered anything about addiction in my Psych class. I knew how James felt about me because it was the same way I felt about him.
But no matter what I told myself, there was this small unsettling feeling I was holding onto. What if I moved to New York and he was addicted to me? He’d eventually move onto the next thing. Just like Isabella had said. And I wouldn’t have anything else in New York. I wouldn’t even know anyone else. I’d be completely alone in a city I didn’t even like. But if he ever left me, I’d feel alone anyway. It didn’t matter where I was. I knew what it was like to lose him. So if he was just addicted to me, I was doomed either way.
“Hey!” someone yelled behind me.
I’d recognize his voice anywhere. Austin. Hopefully he was trying to get someone else’s attention. I picked up my pace.
“Hey, babe, wait up!”
My stomach already felt unsettled. And now it seemed to flip over. I turned around and saw Austin running up to me.
“I thought that was you,” he said and stopped in front of me. “Damn, you look good. Dating a rich guy suits you.”
Fuck you, Austin. I turned back around and started walking again.