He moved his hips faster. “You’re so beautiful.”
I laughed again.
“Fuck, Penny. It’s like you’re trying to tease me.” He grabbed my hands again, holding them in place with just one of his. “Now you’re going to get it.” With his free hand he began to tickle me again.
I squirmed under his grip, laughing. It somehow made me more aware of his thick cock slamming in and out of me faster and faster. The feeling of being overpowered, and laughing, and him so deep inside of me made the familiar pull in my stomach happen even faster. “Professor Hunter!” I screamed as my orgasm crashed down on me.
He groaned as he found his own release, filling my stomach with that wonderful warm feeling. He collapsed on top of me. “Please tell me that you liked that as much as me. Your heart’s beating so fast.”
I laughed and ran my fingers through his hair. “That’s because it’s hard to breathe when you’re tickling me.”
“Hmm.” He kissed my neck.
“It felt really good, though.”
“Hmm.” He kissed my neck again.
“You’re funny when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” he mumbled into my neck. He laughed. “Maybe I’m a little drunk.”
“You said I’m beautiful about a million times.”
“That’s because you are beautiful.” He leaned down and kissed my clavicle. “You’re beautiful and you won’t marry me.” He sighed and placed his head against my chest. “It’s okay. I understand.”
“You understand what? I told you the reason why I said no. I just didn’t want to go to Vegas.” I ran my fingers through his hair again.
“No. The real reasons.” He yawned. “You don’t need me.”
“I always need you.”
He sighed. “No. You don’t need me. I can’t even protect you. He touched you. I let that asshole touch you.”
“James.” I put my hands on either side of his face. “That wasn’t your fault. You weren’t even there. I do need you. You’re all that I need.”
He shook his head out of my hands and placed his head back down on my chest. “It’s not just that. You don’t love me.”
What? “James, I do love you. I love you so much.”
He yawned again. “No. No one loves me.”
“James.”
I was answered by light snoring.
“James.” I didn’t try to stop my tears from falling. How could he think that I didn’t love him? How could he think that no one loved him? He was so sweet and thoughtful and perfect. Why did he feel like he wasn’t worthy of love? If that was how he felt, then I wasn’t a good girlfriend. I knew he was drunk. He didn’t really know what he was saying. But wasn’t that when people were usually the most honest? I didn’t want him to feel broken.
But I kept doing things that made it seem like I didn’t love him. I ran back to my dorm today instead of going to him. And I said no to his proposal. No wonder he thought I didn’t love him. I wrapped my arms around him. He always made me feel safe. I wanted him to know I wasn’t going anywhere. I wanted him to know that I loved him back. I wanted him to be able to trust me.
Saturday
When I woke up I was sweating. James’ arms were wrapped tightly around me. He always seemed so confident. I didn’t realize how insecure he really was. In a lot of ways we were complete opposites. But I was insecure too. And he always gave me what I needed. I had to make sure I was giving him what he needed.
“Hey,” I said softly, running my fingers through his hair.
He slowly opened his eyes. He lifted his head off my chest and looked down at me. “Hey.”
“How are you feeling? You were really drunk last night.”
He laughed. “I’m fine. Although I don’t remember much about last night.” He looked down at my naked body and smiled. “I remember that.”
It was strange. He didn’t seem hung over at all. Maybe alcoholics didn’t get hangovers? But he wasn’t really an alcoholic. He wasn’t addicted to anything right now. Was he?
“Do you need some Advil or something?”
“No, I’m okay.” He reached up toward my face.
“Oh my God, James.” I sat up and grabbed his hand. “Your hand is bleeding. Why are you bleeding?!”
“Oh, shit.” He ran his hands down his face. “Fuck. I remember that too.”
“What happened? James, you need to clean it. It’s going to get infected or something.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the bathroom.
I opened up a drawer in his vanity and then another. “Do you have peroxide? Or Band-Aids or anything?” I pulled open another drawer.
“No. Penny, I’m fine. Really, it doesn’t even hurt.” He put his hand on my shoulder. He was smiling at me in the mirror.
“This isn’t funny. We were just in the hospital. I don’t want to go back. Is Ellen here? Maybe she has something?”
“She doesn’t work on the weekends. Penny, it’s fine. See?” He moved his hand into a fist and winced.
“Jesus, James.” I turned on the water and grabbed the bar of soap. I put his hand underneath the faucet.
He gave a sharp exhale and turned away from me in the mirror.
It didn’t seem like it was still bleeding. There was just tons of dried blood on the back of his hand. And it looked like he might be missing a layer of skin on his knuckles. I gently washed away the blood. I turned off the water and patted his hand with one of his fluffy hand towels. He still wasn’t looking at me. He was acting guilty. Really, really guilty. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.
“James, what did you do?”
“Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was bleeding.”
“James.”
He looked down at his hand and then back at me. “I wanted to fix it.”
I swallowed hard. “Fix what?”
“He touched you. That asshole touched you.”