“Just the usual. What about you two? How’s Comm going?” My mom started to eat her sandwich too.
“Comm has been… interesting,” I said. “Actually, the real reason that I’m here is that I have something I need to tell you.” My mouth felt dry. I took a huge sip of lemonade. This is it. “Actually, that we need to tell you.” I looked over at James.
“Oh my God.” My mom slowly placed her sandwich down on her plate. “Oh my God, you’re pregnant?!”
James choked on his lemonade.
“What?!” my dad said way louder than he usually talked.
“No. No! I’m not pregnant.” I laughed awkwardly. I had not meant to word that as strangely as I did. “I couldn’t possibly be…” I let my voice trail off. I wasn’t here to confess to them that I was sexually active. That was a conversation that I could not imagine ever having with my parents. But was it any worse than confessing what was actually going on? This is a disaster.
My parents just stared at me.
I swallowed hard and glanced sideways at James. He looked completely shocked that my mom had thought I was pregnant. I knew the idea of children freaked him out. He seemed to have completely lost his cool.
“Definitely not pregnant,” I added, more for James than my parents. I took a deep breath. “Actually, what I needed to tell you is that James isn’t a student at the University of New Castle.”
My mom started laughing and put her hand on my dad’s shoulder. “That’s it? You scared me half to death.”
Is my news worse than a pregnancy scare? I was even more terrified than before to tell them.
“So what do you do, James?” my dad asked. “Are you in vocational school or something?”
“He’s actually done school, Dad. He graduated a few years ago. Several actually. He’s 27.”
“Oh?” my mom said. She glanced at my father and then back at us. “Well, that’s quite an age difference.”
We were all silent for a second. The disapproval almost seemed palpable. It felt like I was slowly peeling off a Band-Aid when I should be ripping it off as fast as possible.
My dad was frowning. “So that brings me back to my original question. If you’re no longer a student, what is it that you do for a living, James? And why on earth are you dating a teenager?”
I had never heard his voice so cold. “Dad, I just turned 20.” No one acknowledged that I had spoken.
“Well.” James shifted in his seat.
Thank God he’s taking over.
“This is not going to sound great. But I want you both to know that I love your daughter very much.” He shifted in his seat again.
Rip off the Band-Aid! I couldn’t take it anymore. Just tell them!
“I actually resigned from my current position this morning,” James continued. “But before that, I had a job at the University of New Castle.” He paused again.
It felt like I was torturing everyone. Enough was enough. “He’s my professor,” I blurted out.
My parents stared at me. And then my mom burst out laughing. My dad quickly started laughing too.
I looked up at James. He shook his head. He was as confused as me. I expected cursing and maybe sobbing. Definitely not laughter.
“I don’t know what you’ve done to Penny,” my mom said between bouts of laughter. “Because she never pulls pranks on us. Well done. You both had us going.”
“She can’t even pull an April Fool’s Day prank,” my dad added. “That was hilarious!”
I never in a million years expected them to have this reaction. But it made sense that they thought I was joking. I never broke the rules. “Mom, Dad.” My throat caught when I said Dad. The whole thing was so preposterous that they didn’t even believe me. “We’re not joking. You said it yourself, I don’t know how to play pranks. It’s not even April Fool’s Day.”
“Of course you’re joking,” my mom quickly said. “The age difference? Your professor? It’s not even believable. It’s ridiculous. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”
“James is my Comm professor. Was my Comm professor, I mean.”
“You’re joking. You are, right?” My mom suddenly looked pale. She looked over at James and frowned, as if seeing him for the first time.
“We met before I knew he was a professor.”
“And you…” my mom’s voice faded. “And he…” She closed her mouth again.
Stunned silence. I could work with stunned silence.
“Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, I know how this might sound, but…”
“She’s a sophomore,” my dad said calmly. “She’s only a sophomore.”
“I thought she was senior,” James said.
“You thought she was a senior? So you only hook up with seniors, is that it?”
“Dad, it wasn’t like that at all.”
“I think you should probably leave, James. We need to have a conversation with Penny in private.”
“I really think we should talk about this,” James said calmly. “I am in love with your daughter. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re a 27 year old man. She’s a sophomore,” my dad said again.
“I’m 20 years old, Dad. It’s not that big of an age difference.”
“Seven years? You need to focus on school, Penny. You’re not ready for the same things that he’s ready for.” He pointed at James as if he was an object instead of a person.
“I am ready for those things. I love him, Dad.” What was he even referring to? Sex? How could he not realize that I was sexually active. I was dating my 27 year old professor. Of course I’m having sex.
“You’re ready for marriage? And children? And responsibilities? You have no idea what it’s like to be an adult. You don’t even know how to write a check. You’re just a child. He’s an adult. You’re too young to date him.”
“I’m not even ready to get married again…” James instantly closed his mouth.
Oh no. I was hoping that could be a discussion for a different day.
“You were already married?” My mom finally broke her silence.
“I’m recently divorced, yes.”
“How recently?” she asked.
“I filed for a divorce last year.”
My parents just stared at him.
Oh, shit.
James cleared his throat. “It became official yesterday, but…”
“You got divorced yesterday?” my mom asked incredulously. “You started a relationship with my 20 year old daughter while you were still married?” She didn’t hide the disgust in her voice.
I definitely preferred stunned silence.
“Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, please just let me explain. I would never put your daughter in a position like that. As far as I’m concerned, my relationship with my ex wife was terminated as soon as I filed…”
“You put her in a terrible situation,” my dad cut in. “You’re her professor. You were her married professor.”
“Yes, I was Penny’s communications professor. And I realize that I crossed the line. I completely understand why you’re upset. But my marriage really has nothing to do with this.”
“I was the one that crossed the line,” I cut in. “You shouldn’t be mad at him, you should be mad at me.” My phone started to buzz in my pocket, but I ignored it.