His reply came almost immediately. “Yes.”
Me: “Can we talk?”
James: “I’ll come get you. Are you in your dorm?”
Me: “We can talk on the phone. Call me.”
James: “I want to see you.”
I bit my lip. I didn’t want him to know I was in the hospital. He already felt bad enough about what had happened. He couldn’t come here anyway. I was pretty sure visiting hours were over.
Me: “Let’s just wait until the morning. I’m actually pretty tired.”
James: “Penny, where are you?”
I swallowed hard and responded: “Please don’t freak out.”
James: “Where are you?”
I sighed and let my head sink back into the pillow. “I’m in the hospital.”
James: “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
Me: “I think visiting hours are over.”
I waited a few minutes for a response but none came. I rolled onto my side and put my phone back down on the bed. They weren’t going to let him up. Just in case, I folded up the note from Brendan and slipped it into the envelope that Professor Hunter had given me.
I was just drifting asleep again when the door opened. Professor Hunter was standing there in jeans and a zip up hoodie. He wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath his hoodie and I could see his muscular chest. He closed the door and made his way over to me without saying a word. He kicked off his shoes as he looked down at me.
I couldn’t read his emotion. Worried. Angry maybe. Lost.
He lifted the sheet on my bed and climbed in next to me.
“James,” I whispered. I tried to hold back my tears. It was so good to see him.
He wrapped his arms around me. “I shouldn’t have let you leave.” He kissed my forehead.
“I didn’t give you much of a choice.”
“No, you didn’t.” He kissed my forehead again. “How long have you been here?”
“We can talk in the morning.” I didn’t want to tell him that we needed to wait. I wanted him to hold me like this forever. Being in his arms was my favorite thing in the world.
“How long, Penny?”
“Since this afternoon I guess. Not long after I left your place. I passed out on Main Street.”
“And someone found you?”
“Brendan.” He pulled back from me slightly.
“I’ll have to thank him.”
“How did you get up here?” I didn’t want to talk about Brendan with Professor Hunter. I didn’t want him to get angry again.
“Having money has its advantages.”
“You bribed the hospital staff?”
“I didn’t say that.”
I looked into his eyes. “I’m glad that you’re here.” I was quiet for a minute as I stared at him. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Even though you’re not nervous around me anymore, you still like to apologize for things you haven’t done.” He smiled at me.
“You still make me nervous.”
He lowered his eyebrows slightly. “Why?”
“You’re so hot and cold. I never know how you’re going to react to things. It’s unsettling. And confusing.”
“There’s nothing to be confused about anymore. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He placed a gentle kiss against my lips.
I wanted to cry all over again. I was so sure that I wanted to wait. The plan was to put the brakes on for awhile. But now that he was here, I couldn’t think straight. He was caring, and kind, and sincere. I pulled back from his kiss. His face was shadowed in the dark room so I couldn’t see his expression. But I could still make out his black eye. I could feel his heart beating underneath my hand and it was beating so fast.
“Do I make you nervous too?” I asked.
“Sometimes. I’m nervous right now.”
“Why?” I rubbed my hand against the scruff on his cheek.
“You left me today because you needed time to think over things.” He pulled my hand off his face and kissed my palm. “And I can’t tell what you’re thinking.” He turned my hand over and kissed each of my knuckles. “I don’t know what you’ve decided.”
“I opened my present.”
“And?”
“You’ve never opened up to me like that before.”
“I want to be able to give you what you need, Penny.”
“Why is it so hard for you to talk to me?”
“Most people look at me and judge me in one second. I’m well off. My parents are well off. They think everything has been handed to me. And when I was younger, it was. So I can’t correct their opinion. I haven’t met anyone who sees more than that.”
“Because you refuse to open up. So what else are they supposed to see?”
“You see more.”
“That’s because I don’t care about your money. I care about you.”
“I know. I’m trying, Penny. I’m not used to this.”
“This?”
“The way I feel about you.”
He had written that he loved me. Why can’t he say it out loud to me? I wanted to hear him say it. “I’ve never been in love before.”
“I know.” He ran his fingers through my hair.
“Have you?”
“I’ve never felt like this.”
“Does love always hurt this much?”
“I’m not trying to hurt you. I don’t want to ever hurt you again.”
“You’re not good for me.”
He sighed and put his arms around me again. “No, I’m not.”
“But I love you anyway.” I could feel my tears falling again. “I’m sorry. Geez, I don’t know why I’m so emotional today.”
“It’s a side effect of having a concussion.”
“Oh.” I laughed and wiped the tears off my cheeks. I wanted him to say he loved me back. I needed him to say it.
“You’re so gorgeous.”
I laughed. “I have a huge bandage on my head.”
“You’re still gorgeous.”
I wanted to hear those three words out loud. I needed to know that it was real, that he still felt the same way. I traced the bruise around his eye with my index finger. “I love you.”
He ran the tip of his nose against mine, but didn’t say a word.
“I’m actually really tired now.” I rolled over so that I was no longer facing him. Having a concussion really did make me emotional. But it wasn’t just that. Why won’t he say it back? Maybe this wasn’t love. Maybe it was lust on hyper drive and I was just as insane as I felt.
“Hey.” He leaned over and grabbed my chin in his hand. “What’s wrong?”
I sat up so that his hand fell from me. “Why won’t you say it?”
“Say what?”
“I’ve told you multiple times that I love you. You never say it back. Why won’t you say it?”
“I have said it.”
“No, you haven’t.”
“I haven’t?”
“No.”
He pushed the sheet off of us and straddled me, pinning me in place. “I could have sworn I said it.”