“I am over him.” I wanted to be. I needed to be. I suddenly felt like I wanted to cry.
Tyler stood up and began to get dressed. He looked back at me as he buttoned up his pants. Being with Tyler was wonderful, but was he right? Tyler walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. He hadn’t put his shirt back on yet and his abs were rather distracting.
“I want you to be happy,” he said. He had told me that before. I knew that he meant it. His sincerity made me feel guilty.
“You make me happy, Tyler.”
Tyler smiled at me. “I hope so.”
“Tyler.” I sat up and straddled him. “I’m so happy right now.” I ran my hands down his pecks and abs. “I wish we had done that the first night I came here. It would have changed everything.”
“But we didn’t.”
“Tyler…”
“Penny, I want you to be my girlfriend. You know that. It’s what I’ve always wanted. And I’m pretty sure I’ve made that clear. But I want you to be all in. I don’t want to have to worry about you running off with Professor Hunter.”
“I am all in.” Professor Hunter wanted nothing to do with me. There was no chance I’d run off with him.
“You fucking said his name when you came.” He pushed me off of him and stood up. He quickly grabbed his shirt off the ground.
Shit, he did hear. He looked mad.
“I want to be your girlfriend.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Tyler, I’m all in.”
Tyler stared at me.
“I’m all in.”
“Penny.” He pulled his shirt on.
“What?”
“You two only just broke up. You’re not over him”
“I am.” I’m not. But I wanted to be. There was nothing left between Professor Hunter and me. He had made that clear. He was over me. I needed to be over him too. Tyler could help me do that.
He leaned down and kissed me. “I want to believe you, I do.”
“If you didn’t think I was over him then why did you have sex with me?”
“Because you asked me to for your birthday. And I was in no place to argue with you. You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted this.”
I suddenly felt cheap. Like I had begged him for sex. “Oh.” I quickly grabbed my costume and started to get dressed. I finished zippering up my dress and turned to him.
“Why are you mad?” he asked.
“Because you don’t want to be with me. You just wanted to fuck me.”
“That’s not true, Penny. I just told you I wanted you to be my girlfriend.”
“And when I said yes you told me I wasn’t ready.”
“Because you’re not. You haven’t even told me what happened between you and Professor Hunter. I don’t… I don’t trust you.”
Trust. It was the same reason why Professor Hunter had left me. My mind was fuzzy and my stomach churned at the memory. “You don’t trust me?” Because I’ve lied to him too. He shouldn’t trust me. Him saying the same words that Professor Hunter had said to me stung, though. When had I become so untrustworthy? I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“No, I don’t trust you. We almost did this before and you went back to him. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”
“Bad.”
“Yeah. Bad.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.
“Well that’s why he broke up with me. Since you wanted to know.”
“Because we almost had sex?”
“No, because he didn’t trust me either.” I didn’t realize how much I had jeopardized my character. I had slept with my professor. I had almost slept with Tyler. I had slept with my professor some more. I had kissed a mere stranger in the afternoon. And then I had fucked Tyler at night. I had lied to everyone, including my best friend, to hide all the terrible things I had done. What is wrong with me?
I felt so numb. I thought sleeping with Tyler would make me feel better, but I only felt worse. I felt sleazy.
“I’m sorry,” Tyler said. “I didn’t know that’s why you guys broke up.”
“Yeah, well.” I shrugged. “Apparently I’m not very trustworthy. So, if you’ll excuse me.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?!”
“Damn it, Penny, I don’t want to get hurt again.”
That was it. That was why Professor Hunter wasn’t talking to me. I had hurt him. I had hurt him and I had hurt Tyler. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know. But you have. Over and over again.”
“I’m sorry.” I had hurt so many people. I was horrible.
Tyler took a step toward me. He put his hands on my shoulders. “Penny, tonight was amazing. You’re worth waiting for. And I’ll be waiting when you’re ready.” He grabbed his mask off the floor and put it back on. “Let’s go back to the party.” He intertwined his fingers with mine.
“Tyler?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want to be one of two. Put yourself in my shoes. How would that make you feel?”
My mind flashed to Professor Hunter’s wife. “It sucks.”
“What do you mean?”
“It would suck is what I meant.”
“Penny?”
“Really. I just meant it would suck.”
“Okay. Sorry, I thought you were saying that that asshole was cheating on you. If that was true I’d…”
“Tyler.” I touched his chest. “I don’t want to talk about him. It’s you. I want to be with you. And I’ll prove it to you. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’ll earn your trust back. Thank you for my birthday gift.”
Tyler leaned down and kissed me. It was soft and gentle. It felt a lot more like a goodbye kiss than a we-just-had-sex kiss.
“Come on, let’s get back,” he said. “There’s a cake somewhere with your name on it.”