“If that’s what you want.”
“What do you want?”
“If it was up to me, I’d have you here all the time.” He leaned down to kiss me, but I pulled away.
“I need to talk to you.”
“We are talking. And I can’t think of a better conversation to have.”
“No, I mean I need to tell you something.” I grabbed his arms and unwound myself from him. I walked out of his closet and sat down on his bed. It was so soft. I hadn’t realized how tired I was. Part of me just wanted to lay down and have him hold me all night. I wanted to be with him all the time too. But he didn’t know me. And I had a feeling that I didn’t know him either.
He sat down beside me. “I’ll return everything. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s not that. I love the idea of spending more time with you. I just need to tell you something.”
“Okay.”
I felt like I was in a dream. After being so mad at him last week, it seemed surreal that my secret was what could potentially ruin us. But maybe he was still holding something back too.
“What’s wrong, Penny?” He squeezed my hand.
“I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us,” I said.
He gazed into my eyes. I thought he might offer one of his, but he stayed silent. He looked unsettled. I didn’t want to do this; I didn’t want for this to end. I moved so that I was sitting on his lap, facing him. I put my hands on the sides of his face and he moved his so that they were on the small of my back.
“You’re so handsome. I still don’t know what you see in me.”
“I see everything that I’ve always wanted.” He kissed my cheek where a tear had fallen.
“I need to tell you something. And you have to promise that you won’t get mad.”
“Just tell me.” He kissed my other cheek where I had shed another tear.
I leaned in and kissed him. I wanted to remember what it felt like for him to want me, for him to trust me. He moved his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me into him. Everything seemed so simple when we kissed. It was just right. It was perfect. I moved my head back. He was looking at me with the familiar lust in his eyes. If I wanted, I could have him again right now. And I really wanted to. I placed one last swift kiss on his eager lips.
“You have to promise,” I said again.
“Okay. I promise that I won’t get mad.”
“My birthday is on October 15th.”
“That’s good to know. I’ll make sure to clear my schedule.”
“No, that’s not what’s bothering me.” I grabbed his hands from my back, moved them to his lap, and held them firmly. I was never going to let go of his hands. If I let go, he might slip away from me. “I lied to you.”
Professor Hunter’s brow creased, but he didn’t say a word.
“I’ve been lying to you ever since you walked me home from that party. I didn’t mean to. At first I just didn’t want to get in trouble. But now it’s so much more. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want this to be over.”
“Penny, I told you that I’m not going anywhere. Just tell me.” He squeezed my hands.
I took a deep breath. “I’m not a senior.”
I could see his body tense. It looked like I had slapped him across the face. He didn’t look mad though, just surprised.
“I’m a sophomore. But my birthday is October 15th. I’ll be 20 in just a couple weeks.”
His handsome features looked strained. “You’re only 19?” He pulled his hands away from mine. He was already slipping away.
“I’m practically 20.”
He ran both his hands through his hair. “Oh God, I’ve been serving you alcohol. I could have been arrested.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“You’re only 19?” His voice sounded pained. He put his hands on his cheeks and rubbed his scruff. “Penny.”
“I know that I should have told you.”
“You made me feel awful for not telling you about Isabella. And the whole time you were lying to me?”
“I know, I’m so sorry.”
“I told you how hard it is for me to trust people. This is why. Because no one is trustworthy. I thought you were different.”
“Professor Hunter, please. That’s my only secret. You know everything about me now. You can trust me. It’s still me. It’s just two years difference. Two years is nothing.”
“It’s not the age. It’s that you lied to me.”
“If I had told you that first night, you could have reported me to the dean. I would have been kicked out of school.”
“I never would have done that.”
“But it’s your job.”
“I don’t care about my job! I care about you. I had a crush on you. It took every ounce of control I had to not lift up that short, sparkly skirt you were wearing and have my way with you right there in the middle of campus.”
“I didn’t know that. All I knew was that I was drinking underage and I had a crush on my professor. I was so out of my comfort zone. I didn’t know what to do.”
“Well you should have told me.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.”
I reached for his face, but he pushed my hand away. “I thought you were different. I let myself fall for you, even though I knew better.”
My stomach churned. “I’ve fallen for you too.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “The things I’ve done to you. If I had known you were a teenager I wouldn’t have…”
“Don’t say that. Don’t take away what we have. I love you.” I was choking on my words. “Professor Hunter, I love you. I love you so much.”
Professor Hunter looked distraught. “Penny, you don’t know what love is.” He pushed me off his lap.
“You promised you wouldn’t get mad.”
“Damn it, Penny! You made me believe that this was real. I let myself dream about a future with you. We only had to wait two semesters. I wanted to be with you. But six? Six semesters?”
I couldn’t stop my tears. “Stop using the past tense.”
“What do you expect, Penny? You waited a whole month to tell me. Why didn’t you just tell me when we first started dating?”
“That’s exactly why. Because we had only just started dating. And I’m obsessed with you. I knew you’d be mad. I knew that you’d leave me. I wanted to have you as long as possible.”
“That’s not an excuse. If you had believed what we had was real, telling me your age wouldn’t have mattered.”
“So what we have isn’t real then?”
Professor Hunter stood up and rubbed his hands across his face again. “What finally gave you the nerve to tell me the truth?”
“Because it was the only thing holding me back from happiness.”
“That’s a selfish reason.”
“I know. But I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well you did.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Professor Hunter went to his closet and pulled a shirt on. “I’m going out.”