“I’d just like to say… I get it. I’m sorry I’ve been a sour dickpuss and I’m going to try harder. I’m sorry. I really am.”
Everyone’s eyes are on me, waiting for more. But there’s nothing else to say. I was wrong. And I will try.
“What do we think group? Should we believe him?” Anca asks.
“Let’s make him do something to prove it,” Sebastian suggests to the sound of agreement.
“LET’S MAKE HIM STREAK THROUGH THE HOSPITAL WEARING NOTHING BUT A SHOWER CAP!” Brad yells, and the cheers drown out all other sound for a minute.
“Er, I think this is where I go on break,” Toni leans over and whispers to me, patting me on the shoulder. “Hang in there, Mr. Petrescu. Everything you can do, you’re doing it. And everything you can have that will help you, you’ve got it. Just have a little faith. Push the button if you need anything, Mr. Petrescu.”
“Hey, Toni?” I call out to her as she slips through the door.
“Yeah?”
“It’s Jez.”
She winks and closes the door behind her and I turn back to my friends.
“Alright, shut up, you degenerate bunch of crazy titmuffins. Look, I’m not whole yet. But I’m going to be, ok? I’m going to do whatever it takes, to be whole again.”
“That’s all we want. For you just to try. We’ll take it from there,” Marius says, giving me a hug. “Now, where’s that damn shower cap.”
I run into the bathroom and lock myself in there until I’m sure they’ve all gone home.
NOEMIE
There’s a vase of bright flowers on my bedside table when I wake up. It’s the very first thing that I see when I open my eyes. A shock of different shades of yellow and orange and vibrant red and purples and it reflects light and warmth into every corner of my hospital room. There’s no note, but I don’t need one to know where it came from.
I reach over and pull a rose free from the arrangement and bring it to my nose and inhale.
The fragrance is so strong, I’m almost dizzy as it permeates and spreads throughout my body.
I smile and hug it to my chest, my stomach feels a tickling from inside, like a butterfly unfurling from its cocoon and into life.
Jez.
His name plays on my lips.
I lift my fingers to run across them, remembering last night.
He was going to kiss me. He was going to kiss me, and I wanted him to. Wanted him to so badly that I couldn’t sleep until the sun had risen, and fatigue finally took over.
I don’t know what happened in those few minutes last night talking, but something makes me feel as though we’ve shared moments like that before.
And in those seconds before I fell asleep, I couldn’t help but whisper a prayer that when I woke up, my brain would refresh, would heal, and I would remember how this man was part of my life before.
I told him I didn’t want to know.
Because I don’t.
I don’t want to be told that we were lovers, I don’t want to be told that we hated each other.
I want to feel what I feel for him now, as I am discovering him in the present. How often do you get to wipe the slate clean? It may be the only silver lining that’s come out of this whole experience.
If I hated him in the past, then maybe he gets to fix that.
And If I loved him… then maybe I’ll get to fall for him all over again. How many chances do you get that in your life?
I rifle through the few clothes I have and choose a royal blue polka dot summer dress that hasn’t been worn since I came here. I blow dry my hair, brushing volume into it and then let it fall around my shoulders. I run my fingers through it as I look in the mirror, barely recognizing the face smiling back at me. I dig through the bag of things that Paige brought for me, and send her a thank you, when I see some makeup essentials. Only Paige would think that I would have a use for makeup while in the hospital with a head injury. Apparently, I shouldn’t question her instinct. I run the eyeliner over my eyelids and dab on some lip gloss and stand back from the small mirror in the bathroom.
Not bad, I think to myself. A definitely improvement on the knotted pony tail and torn jeans and T-shirt I’ve been living in for the past few months.
Hopefully the blush will combat some of the yellow pallor of the neon lights.
I step out into my room, and there’s a spring to my step. For the first time in a long time, I look forward to what the day will bring.
There’s a knock on the door around lunch time, and I look up from the book I’m reading to see Jez standing there, a large paper bag in each hand, a giant grin on his face.
“Jez. Hi,” I say, my hand unconsciously coming up to pat my hair.
Damn. Did he look this good last night? His long fringe is brushed back from his face, instead of hanging over his eyes like it has the last two times I’ve seen him. He’s wearing a tight navy green shirt that makes his eyes look like liquid emerald pools and a pair of dark grey jeans, that hug… just where it counts. He looks like he walked right out of a Calvin Klein ad, and I suddenly wish I was tall and thin and dressed only in a white T and jeans so I could drape myself over him and stare out into the distance with a nonchalant look on my face. Picture perfect.
“Noemie? Did you hear me?” I hear him say, and my mind snaps back to reality. Apparently, I didn’t.
“Are you okay?” The look of genuine concern would be touching to me, if I wasn’t too busy being embarrassed at the thoughts I was having.
“Oh yeah, I’m fine. I just zoned out for a minute… must be from the delicious smells coming from those bags. Are you just here to torment me while I get to enjoy the gourmet offerings of the hospital kitchen? Let’s see what we have here on the menu – it’s a choice between green gloop or orange.”