“Not mine, mine’s majestic…Wanna see?” Marius offers, moving his hand to his belt buckle.
“NO!” We three yell in unison, and he pouts, moving his hand away. Truth is, Marius is a bit of a nudist, and we’ve all had our fair share of run-ins with naked him in the decade of living on tour buses and hotel rooms in which we’ve been together.
Sebastian obviously is thinking the same thing, “I think we’ve all seen yours enough times to never need to see it again, and to know the only thing majestic about it is how it’s still attached considering how much you tug on that thing. So, use your hands for something useful for once, you’re on feeding duty today,” he says, handing Marius a fork.
I shake my head. “Er no, not him, thanks, you do it. I don’t want to think about where his hand has been.”
Sebastian rolls his eyes and grabs the fork, stabs a piece of pork and lifts it to my mouth. I take a mouthful and crunch down.
It really is delicious. At least there’s that. Even if I have to have it fed to me like a fussy toddler.
The room goes quiet for a few minutes as we tuck into our food. It won’t last long though; as soon as their stomachs are full, the loud fighting and banter will start up again, until one of the nurses will come in and kick them out.
And quiet will ensue.
And it’ll just be me again.
Me in my white room.
***
The nights are the hardest. I can’t remember the last time before the accident that I slept for more than three hours at a time without waking up and checking my phone or getting up to pee or just to walk around the house. My body is not made to be in one spot for too long. Or maybe it’s just my mind that needs the stimulation, and it orders my body to move.
Here, though, my broken body’s been the boss these last few months, and it’s a lazy, sit-on-its-ass-all-day fucker, and I feel like I’m trapped.
So, yeah, the nights are easily the hardest. It’s dark and the hallways are empty, and the nurses station is creepy the way the lights from the computer monitors reflect back on the night nurses’ face, giving them an unearthly bluish tinge.
So I just stay in my room, trying not to focus on the fact that no one has any idea how my fingers and wrist and arms are going to work once the casts come off. And how my life could be changed forever.
“Hey, Jez.” Robbie, one of the night nurses, pokes his head in the next evening, seeing my TV on in the background, keeping me company. “You okay, man? Can’t sleep?”
“Havin’ a little trouble tonight, arms aching a bit,” I admit, though I normally try not to. “Can you help?”
He comes in and takes a quick look at my chart and leaves, coming back with a small pill in a plastic cup.
“Few more days, huh? ’til the cast comes off.”
“Yeah. Can’t wait.”
“You nervous?”
“What about?” I reply, as nonchalantly as I can.
He raises his eyebrows, “You might be famous, but I’ve been doin’ this job a decade. Don’t think I haven’t heard it all. You can’t hide anything from me, man.”
“Fine, a little nervous.”
He takes the empty pill cup from me, and fusses with my pillows.
“Well, why don’t you stop worrying about it, get some sleep, and enjoy the fact that you’ve only got a few more days left in here. And if it turns out there’s actually something to be concerned about, man, you’ll deal with it.”
“Who’s mind actually works like that? I mean, you’ve seen my friends, I’m no monk.”
He grins, flashing his rows of white teeth at me. “Yeah, them boys are really something. Okay, fine, why don’t you just focus on something else then? Go to your…”
I cut him off. “If you say the words happy and place together in the next five minutes, I’m going to have to make you put a donation into the swear jar.”
“Got it. Go to your… um, joyful location.”
“Nice. Now it sounds like porn. Although, now it sounds like something I could get on board with,” I muse and he laughs.
“Seriously though, just for those times it gets a bit hard, maybe you should have a go-to thought. Now get some sleep. I’ve got a lot of very serious nursing work to do.”
“Dodgers are playing?”
“I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”
He leaves, pulling the door half shut.
Happy place. I think. Joyful location.
I can do that.
And as I finally fall asleep, I picture a side alley and a girl with ash blonde hair and laughing hazel eyes.
***
She’s singing.
Well, not singing, but, humming, kinda.
Like her voice makes the sound of a guitar. No, not quite a guitar, guitar-like. A ukulele, maybe?
Either way, the girl with the blonde hair and hazel eyes is singing like a ukulele, and the ukulele is playing… What is that? I can’t place it.
Oh. Wait no. It can’t be, that makes no sense.
Is she… she singing, the Rainbow Connection?
Damn.
She is.
That’s weird.
Good pills, Robbie… good pills.
NOEMIE
“And then the guy behind me is like, ‘Lady, twelve items is twelve items, all duplicates still count as an item.’ So, then I asked if the six cans in his six-pack each counted as an item as well, or if each grain of salt in his salt shaker counted as well, and well, long story short, he let me through and I have a date with a hot teacher tonight.” She stops and takes a long breath and sinks into the armchair, sipping from her water bottle. “Noemie, did you hear what I said?”
I look up at her, “Er, yeah. Sure. Sorry, just kinda zoned out.”
“Did you sleep okay?” She frowns, concern filling her eyes.
“Yeah, um, it was okay.” ‘Okay’ isn’t a lie. On the other hand, ‘long and uninterrupted by nightmares’ would be.
“Ok, well, I won’t stay long, but I brought you this,” she says and holds up a purple book. “I found it yesterday in the living room bookshelf. It’s your photo album.”
“Oh yeah, sure. Thanks.”
“Do you want to have a look at it now?”
I shake my head. “Um, maybe later, I think I might try to have a nap.”
“Oh. Ok, do you want me to leave?”
Yes. “No, it’s ok.”
She smiles and pats my foot. “I’ll go, I’ve got some stuff to do anyway. I just wanted to make sure you settled in okay after the move.”