There’s a roaring in my ears as the blood in my body races back and forth, my heart filling and emptying all at once. When it finally quietens, all I can hear is the sound of our breaths slowing and a soft thump thump in her chest.
“Areyoeeleengokayee,” I think I hear her say.
“Hmmmm?”
“Ahhhoooeelingookeee?” she mumbles, only a fraction louder and no more intelligibly.
“Yes, that’s much clearer.”
There’s a soft humming and lifting of her chest as she giggles softly. And somehow that sound gives me even more joy than what we’ve just experienced. I shuffle up the bed and pull her into my arms, brushing the few strands of hair matted to her damp forehead.
She grins at me; no, she beams.
Like my very own star, shining down to grant light into my life.
“Hey,” she says, sticking to a shorter, more manageable phrase.
“Hey,” I beam back, and she settles against my chest.
And we sleep.
Anca
I look out into the crowd, three thousand glowing cell phones raised into the air, and I want to dive off the stage and fall into the array of twinkling lights and adoration.
I’m standing in the wings watching the guys perform their closer, an electric, monolithic version of Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven and there’s not a single soul who’s not transfixed by the magic happening on stage. Except that it’s not just on stage. The absolute brilliance of the Rock Chamber Boys experience is that it’s all encompassing, enveloping every one into the fold. There’s something so generous, so giving, so welcoming and inviting about their music, their performance, that every single audience member feels like it’s a personal concert for themselves and yet everyone is invited, everyone and anyone who wants to be a part of it.
It can only be that way because that’s how the guys really are, to their core. There’s no ego, no put-on airs about their talent. They know they’re fucking good, but they also know their talent is a gift from somewhere, and that they had no hand in it. And they don’t want that talent to go to waste, it was a gift to be nurtured and shared with the world.
Behind me I can feel the crew rooted like statues to the floor, watching the finale, looking out from behind the scenes to see their hard work come together.
We watch as the guys on stage move into a circle, playing off each other, spontaneous and practiced all at once. The spotlights dance off their strings like silver droplets, scattering over the awed faces of the crowd, as the music builds and builds and builds, each knowing what notes are going to come off their bandmate’s instrument even before they do.
It’s breathtaking.
“Fuck.” I hear Hank, Sebastian’s assistant and nephew whisper next to me, almost reverently.
“Yeah,” is all I can say in response. Fuck.
“SING IT, BITCHESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I hear Jez’s voice wash over the crowd as they come to end of the song, and there’s a collective breath before everyone joins together to scream the lines of the well-known chorus as the band plays one final epic note.
And it’s over.
The stage falls instantly dark and the guys run off the stage to the sound of deafening cheers.
I move back to let them through, and Marius passes me, giving me a sneaky wink. I feel a blush come over me, and I swallow the urge to grin like a giddy school girl back at him.
The inevitable calls for an encore thunder and shudder every inch of the hall.
The guys huddle as they have the same conversation they have every night who’s going on for the encore and what are they going to play.
Marius turns back towards me for a moment and his face transforms into a slow grin.
Oh. No.
I shake my head and mouth “Hell, no.”
But he doesn’t listen.
“Hey guys, how ’bout Anca?” He utters the words I’m dreading.
“You wanna do it, lil sis?” Jez turns to me, his face questioning.
“Er, no.” I respond instantly, with a shake of my head.
“Sure you do,” Marius insists, holding my gaze. There’s something in his face that’s so earnest, so believing in me that suddenly I’m not that sure I want to refuse. He gives me a small nod, encouraging me. And suddenly, all I want is to please him.
“What would I play?”
“Anything you want!” Marius exclaims, seeing my resolve crumbling as he comes over to give my arm a squeeze.
“But…” I start, not sure if there is any protest left inside me.
“You can play anything you want!” Sebastian joins in, his face drenched in sweat as he gulps down half a bottle of water.
“But… I don’t want to go alone.” You can’t do it, the taunting voice whispers, and I shake my head, getting rid of it. Fuck you, I can.
“Take Marius!” Sebastian offers.
“W-will you…?” I ask him, suddenly shy.
He nods before breaking out into a grin. “Of course. You take the lead, and I’ll follow. Just… you know. Nothing too obscure, I was raised on elementary Mozart and the Backstreet Boys.” He jokes, and I know it’s to calm my nerves.
I hesitate for one last moment. What am I doing? This isn’t something we practiced. I’m not sure I can do off the cuff like they do, I just don’t have the experience. What if I freeze again? I can’t hide if it’s just the two of us. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder, and his eyes on me.
Breathe, Marius mouths. And I do.
Then the stomping and cheering and calls from the crowd for more get to me and I feel a grin spread over my face.
“She’s going to do it,” I hear my brother whisper to Brad, nudging him with his elbow. “I know that look.”
I throw Jez a grin and lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Told ya,” he says smugly, and squeezes my hot cheek.
“Let’s go!!” I grab Marius’s arm and pull him out onto the stage with me to the sound of whoops from the band trailing behind us, fading into the noise.
It’s still completely dark and Marius leads me to my harp, still set up on stage.
“Breathe, babe. You got this. Remember, just breathe.” His voice is suddenly right there in my ear, so close it feels like he’s in my brain.
In the dark I push back, and my back meets his chest, warm, strong.
He leans in and grazes his lips against the back of my neck and I shiver.
And pray that I don’t give in to my strongest temptation right now turning around and begging him to take me, right here, right now. I’ve never felt more alive than in this moment.
“Hmmm, you smell so sweet,” he whispers into my ear and again, I forget that beyond the end of the stage, is a crowd waiting for us.
“Shhhhhh, don’t get me started,” I whisper as I feel around for my harp stool and sink down onto it.